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| 3 feb 2002 (caution... this is long and not very happy) there was a point last night where i told myself i would never go to the city again. yup.� for the 3rd and 4th time in 10 days, i went up to the city for some drinking and partying.� friday afternoon, i left from work early (after doing some good coding, mind you) and met up with alan at our place.� we had some big plans for the night with jay and peter, so i was pretty excited.� there was una's birthday party and this serendipity shindig that mike told me about. we had to wait for jay (who was post call) and peter to get out of the hospital, so we hit the stanford mall for a while.� hm.� just for old time's sake, we stopped by br to look for banana republic girl, but that's sort of a joke now because she's long gone.� after some fruitless asian outfit shopping (i have enough black clothes now) and grabbing coffee, we went to stanford to walk around a bit. i got some money, and then i got the idea to check the iMac prices at the stanford bookstore, since they give student discounts.� it turns out it's $100 cheaper, but i'd have to get peter to buy it for me, and i think i'd still get the better deal at the apple store because if i get microsoft office as well, the apple store will give me a $150 rebate.� shit.� i just want my fucking computer NOW. we had dinner at gombei (yum), although i wasn't hungry and got the rather smallish but filling chicken katsu curry.� jay, jeremy, and kate joined us.� it was fucking hot in that back room. circle chow.� triangle chow.� lesbian action.� does that turn guys on?� it seems some guys really get excited thinking of that stuff.� i actually have an old porn tape that has triangle chow on it.� it never really did anything for me, though.� maybe i should give it to somebody who cares. ok.� so we were finally set.� after some delays, we picked up peter at his apartment at stanford.� of course, i was wearing my asian outfit, but i'll talk about that more later.� peter's apartment was having a progressive, and given his low alcohol tolerance, he was already flying by the time we got there.� in the course of three drinks, i roamed around the different floors with the guys.� apparent the lactose intolerance guys liked their white russians with SOY milk.� i'm kind of skeptical, though. but anyways, there were some dealings with this cutish girl there who was wearing a nice black/white dress with sexy tie string thingies in her back.� i'm a sucker for things that hang like that.� but anyways, she was kind of attractive.� the next day, while having my morning smoke, i realized that she reminded me of my prom date, angela.� angela was pretty, but her nasal voice was eventually the thing that drove me away.� she baked me a tin of macaroons after prom; word was that she really wanted to go out with me, but i just didn't like her enough. ok.� so since the other guys were drinking (well, so was i, but i was fine to drive), i took the wheel.� but not before puking a bit in the parking lot because that curry just made me sick.� but anyways, i wasn't too worried about driving because the first place, venture frogs, was on van ness, so that was easy enough to get to.� and besides, alan, who's familiar with the city, was navigating me. peter's a great drunk.� he's funny, loud, animated.� very different from his tentative norm.� it was a fun drive up.� so we hit venture frogs, and man, it was a veritable sausagefest, just as we had feared.� but throughout out the course of this weekend, i've just come to accept that in the bay area, there will always be more guys than girls. but anyways, it was kind of lame.� even though i was with some of my best friends, the fact that we didn't know anybody meant that ALL of us were just standing there.� i mean, jay knew some people, and eventually ran into one or two people i recognized, but still... it's just not very fun when you enter a room full of people you largely have never seen before.� it's rather disheartening, really... funny thing.� lots of people seem to know amabelle.� and what's even weirder, when they know my name is dardy, they connect it to her.� i don't know what's up with that and how they link our two names together, but i found it amusing anyways.� i saw a few people who i recognized from amabelle's july 4th bbq, but i didn't know their names.� it turns out, though, that i knew one of the organizers, annie.� i met her at that bbq.� small fucking world. as we left, i walked out, and i bumped into the group that i originally planned to go up with, geoff and jen and nelson etc.� to my surprise, carol was there, so i talked to her briefly before i started worrying about looking for my own posse. i would have liked to have hung out with that group a bit.� geoff looked a bit tentative about going in, and i wonder what happened with them.� i called mike up the next day to find out what happened with this group, but he didn't know, either. part of me wonders what it would have been like had i gone with this other group.� for some insane reason, i felt more at ease with these newer friends than my beloved old ones.� and that really bugs me.� but i was talking to mike about this, and i worked out the idea that maybe i'm more likely to break character (i.e. become more sociable) with newer friends who don't know me as well.� i don't know if this is a pipe dream or not, and whether or not it's true, but it's an idea. but anyways, so after the venture frogs thing, we drove to sno-drift for una's birthday bash.� first of all, that place is in butt fucking nowhere.� we had to take this weird detour through a golf course that was rather dubious, but peter, in his drunken voluminous voice, kept insisting that we were going the right way.� alan and i were skeptical (because we were driving through a DEMILITARIZED zone), but sure enough, there was a sno-drift sign that pointed us in the right direction.� odd. i dunno.� the night started to really suck for me at that point.� the other three guys knew people there, but i didn't.� i got a johnnie walker black on the rocks, and after downing that, i started to feel sick.� not much to report, except i just passed the time painfully (like a gallstone), and at 2 or 3, we left.� jay and peter immediately passed out, and alan was drifting in and out of sleep, so i had a pretty peaceful drive.� i'm sure i had better thoughts than what i'm writing down here, but i don't remember anything except the peace.� and the fact that the night had drained my wallet of $71 with nothing good to show for it. we had dim sum (with alan and jay) at joy luck place on saturday, and that was so good.� it's so fun to watch jay eat, because he loves food even more than i do, i think.� we got pmt afterwards, but fantasia had some really gross shit.� you can see my cross face in the picture above. afterwards, alan and i played halo for a long time, and after i walked him out, he stopped at his car and mentioned something about how last night showed him that the singles scene is really brutal.� yeah.� it totally is. first, it's just really sketch to me.� everyone's decked out in black, and it's just a fucking meat market.� can't describe it any better.� and second, any girl who frequents these events isn't someone who i'd want to be with.� it reeks of a wild energy that i don't care to be with any more.� i've had enough of partying and drinking, honestly.� enough to last me the rest of my life. and i came to hate my jet black asian outfit.� clothes affect my mood, and when i wear all black, it reminds me of when i used to wear all black back in high school and early college... NIN t-shirts and shit like that.� i feel like i should be part of the trenchcoat mafia, just sitting in the back, surveying the crowd coldly, judging everybody and who's lame and who's dumb.� it doesn't make me feel very social or amiable. i took a nap, and when i woke up, i heard jay talking to alan on the phone.� it turns out we were going to up to the city AGAIN?!� i was thinking i'd just rather go this house party in redwood city with sonya, but i capitulated and hence... 4th trip in 10 days.� this time, i ditched the black shirt/black jacket and worse a red shirt and olive overcoat.� that overcoat was probably the nicest gift i've ever gotten... k2 got it for me for my birthday.� yeah.� she gives pretty amazing gifts. same group (+ rainbow and margaret).� different place (club XYZ).� same lameness.� dinner was beautiful, though.� three of us went to timo's, this tapas place in the mission.� the food, especially the HEAVENLY mushroom quesadilla, was so good.� but anyways, the party was not as enjoyable.� peter came up, and i think he regretted it the moment he saw the same group of unrecognizable faces.� jay and margaret left early to go on some romantic stroll in the city, and hell, i don't blame them at all.� i rode with them, but i knew better than to be a third wheel, despite it meant that i'd get to go home earlier. but i just stuck it out.� dancing wasn't that bad.� and there was *one* interesting incident. on the dancefloor, this one girl (i'll dub her "drunk crazy girl") who was a pretty crazy dancer.� we were back to back, and she kept on bumping and crashing into me.� and then, i found her hands draped around me.� i stopped and turned around, and she was freaking me all the way down my ass.� i was kind of dumbfounded.� yet oddly excited at the same time.� i mean, *this* is that alternate reality akin to strip clubs where girls approach the guy!� cool!� she spun me around and told me her name was jennifer, but i decided that she was just really drunk. and she had a boyfriend, from what i gather . she was nuts.� she danced in that oddly hypersensual way where you would expect her to run her hand down her body and stick her fingers in her vagina, swirl it around a bit, and then lick the juices off her fingers.� like pornstar-quality dancing. so were there any cute girls?� well, the first night, (let's see...) there was one girl i'll call "thin-faced girl" because her face looked like it had been crushed in a vise.� it was odd, but she had good features.� i recognized her again at XYZ wearing this white frilly coat.� looks like a fancy high-maintenance girl to me.� but yeah.� that's about it.� you'd figure that i must have scanned dozens upon dozens of women, but none of whem really appealed to me.� maybe it's the scene; it just doesn't work for me. as far as these parties and clubbing scenes go, i don't think they're viable options for me to find someone.� it just doesn't work for me.� i don't really know how it works for other people, but i gather that it just takes a decent amount of shamelessness (according to mike) and confidence, neither of which i have right now.� i think they're really interesting places to people watch and to dance and have a good time with friends, but i think that the secret is to not go with a bunch of guys.� the fact that you're seen with a girl (even if she's not that hot or just a friend) makes you seem infinitely less wallflowery. one of my friends is currently in a temporary break with his gf.� and what i wonder is... after he's seen how this singles scene works, is it enough to scare him shitless and make him go running back to her?� i think that if i were in his situation, i'd probably feel that way.� would you rather have this sketch solitary scene that you're doomed to, or would you rather have a slightly dysfunctional reality where at least you're not alone?� i think the better man would stick out, but i'm not that strong, and neither are most people, i think. ok.� i'm off to jeremy and kate's superbowl party.� but i just wanted to say... ...it's an ugly ugly world out there.� *pukes* |