| 28 jan 2002 feeling kind of listless. let's see if i can muster enough to write about for today. the weird rut of having nothing to say has been hitting me for a week now... i can tell because not only are these entries hard to write, but i don't have the same fervor in writing e-mails back to people... i'm usually really prompt about writing people back, but my inbox has been filling up. but as always, i never file away my messages until i've written back, so i'll get back to them eventually. oh, i want to clarify that satuday's entry wasn't written while i was drunk. i did mention that i was in a state of "inebriation," but that kind of just meant that i was kind of tired and my body was acting kind of lazy. after all, it was like 4am. i had three drinks (granted, one of them was a long island iced tea), but i had them early on, so all i had left was the residual headache and feeling of grossness. on the walk from the car to the apartment, i heaved so much that my stomach must have strained itself. but nothing came out. friday night, a group of us went to this new surf shop pizza place in downtown palo alto called pizza my heart. it turned out it was grand opening night, so apparently it was really crowded before we got there. but man, i was totally disappointed. i was imagining thick, huge greasy slices like blondies (i have never been to blondies, though), but instead we got these thin, cold slices. they even had to put one of my orders back in the oven to heat it up. how lame. most people ordered one slice, but i ordered three. and garlic/clam was ok, although i'm not a big fan of clam pizza... it's like putting little rubberband pieces on the slice. ick. after that, we had the biggest video fiasco of all time... i knew that it would be hard for the five of us to agree on a movie, so i timed our stay at hollywood video. 24 minutes. and we walked out with nothing. lame. but, i don't think i helped any, because i've seen a lot of the movies that are out, so i wasn't exactly thrilled about the choices that the other people suggested. sunday, i didn't see another person all day. yup. i spent the entire day alone and indoors... it was the first day in a long time that i didn't even have to drive anywhere, because i ordered a pizza and ate the whole thing around 5pm. pepperoni and garlic. yum. the only contact i had was the little flurry of phone calls i made when i first got up. since i fell asleep really late after the clubbing outing on saturday night, i got up at 3pm feeling all gross and dehydrated from the alcohol. then, i called alan (who was supposed to come down for brunch), who bailed because he had driven back from tahoe the previous night and didn't want to invest another 3 hours in the car. after that, i called jeremy to congratulate him on the patriots beating the steelers. he's from new hampshire, so i guess the patriots are as close to being his team than any other nfl team. and finally, i called carol up to see what was going up with her quest for black plastic rimmed glasses. i think she's copying me, by the way. because i'm so cool. :) so that was it for my human contact. what followed was over seven hours of straight television. how exciting. *snore* i finished off the day with a nice blazing hot shower followed by some naked _TIME_ reading. i'm almost done; i'll finish it off tonight. there was one really long painful article about that andrea yates woman who drowned her five kids. it was like 5 pages of mostly text, and i really found it hard to get through because i simply didn't care enough to invest that much time into reading it. but man, it was depressing. the article talked about her depression and her hallucinations and morbid visions, and it just shows how some people are really fucked up in the head. as much as the human mind and body are amazing things, this type of fiasco of nature shows how wrong we can get... basically, andrea justified the quintuple murders by saying that it was god's way of punishing her for being a bad mother. *shudders* it's scary what our minds can convince us to do. rita's latest scribble (yay! she's writing scribbles again) is about the talk. you know, the dtr (define the relationship) mumbo jumbo. i've never been a fan of the talk. in fact, i've never really had one. ok, i had a brief on with this one girl, but we only lasted a few weeks. but with my main relationships, no words were necessary. it was just that first kiss that signalled the beginning of our togetherness. the talk just seems so awkward. i couldn't see past simply saying, "i like you. i'd like to be your boyfriend." and then she's say "yes," and that would be the end of it. and then what? you seal it with a kiss? how anticlimactic is that? it's much more exciting to make that first move with that little edge, that hesitation spawned from not knowing quite for sure whether she'll kiss you back. but then it happens, it's pretty fucking magical. but yeah, i think that under the best circumstances (which i've been fortunate enough to experience), that first kiss means everything. it brings with itself all the best intentions and wishes that two people have for each other. and that's pretty sweet. of courses, not all my first kisses have been that fortuitous. and that's a shame, because kissing is just such a beautiful thing that it's sad to see ones happen that don't mean a whole lot. like my drunken hookup with helen junior year. and that first kiss with k3 was really gutwrenching, being that she didn't want a relationship and i did so badly... and the fact that we were initiating a little messing-around session was just really horrendous cognitive dissonance for me... i was getting a part of something that i really wanted, but ultimately i wasn't getting the whole package that i wanted.... ugh. of course, if somebody is playing the other person, or using him for sex, then that first kiss means nothing. so maybe for some people the dtr talk is necessary. i just think that in the best scenario, it's something that can be skipped entirely. ok. i've filled my word quote for the day. now it's time to get focused and start debugging my code from friday. i have a nasty segfault. *ewwww* |