| 24 jan 2002 i'm in a bad bad funk. and the fact that i can't rant about it more means it's even worse than just a regular funk... nothing worse feeling lame and not even being able to talk about it. i'm thinking i might even take a break from writing, because i simply can't come up with anything to say these days. it's amazing how much things have changed from a few weeks ago. arrgh. i missed _dawson's_ yesterday. can anybody fill me in on what happened? last night i was supposed to stay at work and get some highly anticipated indian food, but jay called me up and said that he and peter wanted to have dinner. so i bailed on my beloved chicken makhani and decided that i'd much rather have dinner with friends than alone in front of my computer in my cubicle. yeah, it's pretty sad... so many people in silicon valley eat in their cubes. so, i drove home and met the guys at miyake, which was really good because i'd been craving japanese food anyway... and the chelsea rolls and the poki deluxe rolls at miyake at scrumdidlyicious... what better condiment is there than spicy mayonnaise? (that's more of a rhetorical question, since i also love salsa and hot sauce and seasoning salt.) jay kept asking me and peter how we're going to meet our future women. i didn't really answer simply because i *had* no answer... i kept throwing the question over to peter by saying that he's more likely to find someone because he's still a student, and he works in a hospital, which i imagine to be filled with hot nurses and stuff. before i went home, i stopped by adam's place to pick up his USB cd-rw drive. yup. i'm finally taking the plunge and doing the last step in my preparations for getting an iMac: burning the last of my files (my photos) off my hard drive. i tried installing his drive, but no matter what i did, it wouldn't fucking recognize it. i couldn't find the drivers for it on the cd, so i went on the web and downloaded them. after a couple of reboots, it *still* wouldn't recognize the damn drive, so i just gave up. but not before calling adam to announce that his drive was a load of crap in my aggravated state of frustration. but see, it's not that his drive is crap... i knew that the fundamental reason for my failure was because i'm a dumbass when it comes to working pc's and installing new things. (which, by the way, is why an iMac is the perfect solution for me...) but adam, in an instant of brilliance, went on the web and found a faq which described step-by-step exactly what i needed to do... and despite my skepticism, i begrudgingly followed his commands, and lo and behold! it fucking worked! so my highlight of the night was burning my very first cd. (after miyake, jay kindly drove me to fry's so i could pick up a spindle of cd-r's.) i was so excited that i was literally shaking with excitement... i am not only a purveyor of information now, but i was a *creator*! haha. unfortunately, i had no idea that you couldn't add stuff onto a freshly burned cd, so i only put 150+ megs of stuff on a 700 meg CD. i thought i could later add my freshman year journal and wallpaper images (a beautiful set of final fantasy VII CGI backgrounds), but adam broke the hard news to me... alas. that answer was "no, you fucking idiot!" anyways... it still still damn exciting. so after i burn one more cd and buy a sharpie so i can label them, i'll be all set for welcoming my iMac into my living room... i just hope it's not an ordeal procuring one of these beautiful machines... rumor is that people will line up early in the morning on monday; there's no way i'm willing to do that. i just got back from basketball. for our last game, there was this little 4th grader named brandon that wanted to play. we obliged, and amazingly enough, the little tyke had enough strength to accurately launch a basketball from the 3-point line. it was a really relaxed game, as none of us wanted to drive hard to the basket and run over this poor kid. in these situations, you can see who's good with kids and who isn't really interested in dealing with these little humans. cute kid. but then i wondered, "why the hell aren't you in school?" i asked him if school was on vacation, but he just looked uncomfortable and ignored me. i wonder what his story is... today's not a holiday, is it? i'm bored. one thing i realize is that the older i get, the less excited i am about things. blah. PLUS, i'm annoyed that we've run out of drinks in the company fridge. *RAAR* now i can't even get chemically induced excitement by drinking lots of coke. i wonder if i have PMS. hm. is it time for a haircut again? that usually is the primary reason why i get a prolonged bout of pms. maybe i need some prozac. or zoloft. i'm back to using three layers of blankets now because nights are so cold (also because i refuse to close the window in my room). the last time i busted out the heavy-duty 3rd layer was back when i used to go out with k2... she was apparently cold-blooded, and despite my body's ability to generate massive amounts of heat, k2 liked it warm. i would grade her every morning one how we fared with respect to the state of the three blankets. it'd be like, "hey... you kicked layer 2 off to the side of the bed... so i give you a C-." and then she'd pout. yeah, i wonder what's up with my body. it used to be that i was like a nuclear power plant... my body would be hot to touch when it was cold; it was great for a girlfriend who liked it hot, because that meant that we snuggled and spooned a lot. but now, i seem to have lost that warmth. am i not eating enough? i wonder. i don't know how long it would take for me to get used to someone else sleeping in my bed. i know that once i got used to it, i'd love it... but for now, it's been two years of having the entire domain to myself, free for me to toss and turn and make floppy convulsive moments if i feel like it. and my blankets! they're all mine! i can wrap myself into a human burrito if i want to. but with somebody else, i'll be all constrained. in new york, last october, when k3 and i shared a bed, i just couldn't get any sleep... i don't think i had one night's worth of good rest the entire time i was there. yes, part of it was the fact that i wanted so badly to spoon her, and she would most likely have none of that, but aside from my emotional turmoil, i just think i was way too self-conscious about my movements to be able to relax. man. new york seems like such a long time ago. and no, i haven't patched things up with her yet. so what do you do when you find out one of your supposed friends isn't as good a person as you thought he was? does losing that friend seem not so bad anymore? i mean, it shouldn't be that hard to let go of somebody if he turned out not to be all that, right? |