| 15 jan 2002 hm.� pagebuilder's been acting funny. i WANT an imac.� so clean!� so cute!� i think about my pc and all the cables and shit, and the fact that something's broken because i can't get any sound out of it right now when i play a cd, and all the hassle that comes with owning a pc, and then i think about how easy a mac is to use... and i drool.� and i want that.� but hm.� i have a lot of junk on my pc that i'd want to archive and save, that it's making my head spin just thinking about it.� i am tempted to just throw my pc in the trash and start over with my imac.� shit. it's the same kind of frustration and anger that i felt when i was playing blackjack with jerry in reno.� i was up like $30, but as soon as the new dealer came, he royally fucked us, and i was down to my last $20, and i just said, "fuck it" and bet it all on my last hand and lost.� i left in a huffy mood.� i think jerry was ever more pissed than i was. well, today was quite a disaster.� i got up at 7:00 all freezing (nights are pretty cold, especially since i keep the window open) and stuff, and i trekked on over to work only to find out that my 7:30 meeting wasn't happening.� i don't know what happened, but it seems our CTO isn't even in town today, so how the fuck did someone NOT tell me?� i could have slept 3 more hours, dude... there was also no basketball today.� luckily, there was a lunch for ex-teralogic employees, so i went to that instead.� i'm on my third company now, and no corporate experience quite matches my first company, teralogic.� i just had such a good time there chatting with people and making friends... now, my job seems really ephemeral, and i'm not so motivated to open up and talk to people and make chums... besides, for whatever reason (reality or just a warped perspective), the people at teralogic just seemed a lot cooler and personable.� *sigh*� too bad the company went south.� dysfunctional utopia. hm.� i'm still thinking about that imac.� i guess the biggest problem i have is archiving my photos.� i don't have a cd burner, and if i were going to get rid of my computer, i couldn't justify buying a cd burner just to get my photos off.� i guess i could upload them all to ofoto, and have them burn me a cd, but... ugh.� that's a lot of uploading to do over my slow-as-crap dialup connection. what to do... i crave simplicity.� the new imac is just too cute for me to resist.� hell, if they made a silver version of it, i'd be all over it.� i still dream about the g4 cube and how ridiculously beautiful it was... anyways... *shakes his head*� gotta save my money.� no need for a new computer right now. i had a really weird nasty dream last night.� i was watching michelle williams (jen from _dawson's_) giving head, and she just bit into the guy's schlong and ripped the skin right off, revealing this meaty purple spongey shaft.� really gross.� i woke up thinking "what the fuck is wrong with me?" and promptly fell back asleep. i finally installed yahoo messenger today.� it's pretty cool.� my favorite feature is that it lets you know when the other person's typing.� a lot of times, during chats, there's a long pause, and i have no idea what the other person is doing... is his silence a result of my offending him?� did he have to take a leak?� i just don't know!� now, i can tell when he's composing a thought, so i know when to anticipate a response.� pretty cool.� i also found a nintendo chat environment where one guy talks as mario, and the other talks as peach.� cute.� annoying after a while, but still cute. i hate places like fresh choice.� i went to a similar restaurant today for the teralogic lunch, called sweet tomatoes.� it's gross healthy food.� but still, i always manage to make the stuff they offer into an UNhealthy meal... today, i had caesar salad with extra croutons (bad), four slices of pizza (cheese), tuna tarragon (mayonnaise), and clam chowder (cream) with a HUGE glob of cheese thrown in.� see?� i guess you can still eat horribly even at a place like sweet tomatoes. shit.� it seems like i'm going to be at work for almost 12 hours today.� that's a long time to be sitting in one place.� the crazy thing is, some people were here before i even got here... one guy even allegedly gets to work at 4am!� what kind of a freak is he? i'm still torn over the idea of a stripper.� (back to yesterday's topic.)� i can't reconcile the fact that it's inherently a demeaning profession, yet some people try to extract something respectable out of it.� let me try to explain.� basically, while the girl's doing her thing, it's expected that you enjoy it because she's performing, right?� so the appropriate way to enjoy it is to ogle her body, stare at her chest and butt and all that... but that in itself is rather demeaning in general society.� so i don't get it.� what are you supposed to do?� do you stare or not?� i dunno.� it just seems like the proper way of enjoyment is something that is otherwise offensive in the world outside of the strip club.� like you really appreciate a stripper and tell her, "you have a great pair," and in there, she appreciates it and not only smiles back but licks her own nipples seductively in response, but out here, you'll get the shit knocked out of you by the girls' wicked backhand fist.� it's baffling, really... heh heh.� i just told geoff what "chode" means.� i hope he's not disgusted. speaking of disgusted, no one e-mailed me asking what snowballing is.� so i guess most people know.� well, my friend dishi asked me over AIM, and i declined to tell him.� i think he's too innocent.� :) some guys i know used to say that they'd like to be girls for a day, because then they could play with their breasts all day long.� well, not only would i do that, i'd try really hard to find out what the hell a g-spot orgasm feels like.� shit.� that stuff is crazy.� i've seen firsthand what a girl is like after having one, and it's like she's melted into a quivery gelatinous puddle or mush, all shaking and mumbling incomprehensible syllables.� i think that (the curiosity over the G), above all else, is why i would have liked to have been a girl. oh, speaking of orgasmic, on the ski slopes, i peed all day.� i had a double hazelnut latte and a couple bottles of powerade, so i was over-hydrated.� before we left sugarbowl, i took a leak, but on the drive back i had to go again.� and badly.� so i had to hold it in for like half an hour, and the pressure was getting unbearable.� so when we finally parked, i just ran off ahead of the guys and rushed into the hotel room.� every step i took hurt, and i thought i was going to explode in a mushroom cloud of urine in the hotel lobby. when i got to the room, i took off my jacket before going to the bathroom, because i wanted to be 100% comfortable before experiencing what was possibly the most satisfying leak i have ever taken.� i mean, i MOANED.� it felt that good to release it.� i had this big smile on my face for a couple of minutes. and while i'm on the subject, after one of my ex's had her first orgasm during sex, she realized that she had had one earlier... during an EXAM.� she felt time pressure or something, and her body must have reacted funny.� and after thinking back about it, she said that it must have been an orgasm.� i didn't say anything, but deep down, i was thinking, "you're a fucking NERD!� you were turned on by a TEST?!"� dude. |