| 1 jan 2002 shit.� as much as i feel depressed and bummed out (i may get to that later), there's no way i can let myself avoid writing on january 1st. let's see... what's gonna happen here on my journal is that at the request of k2 (although i don't agree with her), i'm gonna remove my 2001 entries.� i might allow myself certain people to have access to them, so if you want access, ask me. yeah.� basically all the reasons k2 had for me to anonymize her didn't make sense to me, because if you don't know her past, then you wouldn't know that the name i call her by corresponds to her... blah blah blah.� i don't feel like enunciating my reasons in an eloquent manner, and i don't feel like debating, so i'll leave it at that.� it's a fucking nuisance. ah!� eric's on AIM!� nice.� i haven't talked to him in ages. so on sunday, i hung out with peter all day. but my big thing is that on weekends, i'm sad.� yup.� fucking sad.� i find little reason to get out of bed, and that's just really harsh to say, but it's true.� but that's why i get up way past noon, like at 2pm or something. yeah.� but anyways, sunday, i rolled out of bed at 2 and called up peter... i wound up going with him to glorious (sarcastically speaking) costco to shop for some frozen foods.� yes, it sounds boring, but i need to get out of the house, for any reason.� so we spent like TWO HOURS at costco, and i got peter to pick up some rice pudding, which i stole half of and found that it's pretty good shit.� not too sweet, and i like the pieces of rice... reminds me of indian rice pudding. after that, let's see... (my memory's blurring), oh yeah.� we went back to my place and played _halo_ for two and a half hours.� which was REALLY fun.� i love cooperative games, and i missed playing halo with jay.� i showed peter the level with the sniper rifle, which is by far and sexiest and funnest level.� but we both sat so close to the tv that we got horrible motion sickness from playing. and then the dinner fiasco came.� it will forever be known as "the lucky event."� jeremy came over, and we were all set on going to chili's, but peter recommended this chinese fast food place called lucky.� so we decide to humor him... so we walk in, and i'm skeptical because they don't use MSG, which means NO TASTE.� i ordered my food, and to my dismay, after they filled the plate, they threw it in the MICROWAVE.� yech. so basically.� that night, i threw up four times.� yup.� FOUR TIMES.� it was nasty shit, and jeremy and i will never stop giving peter grief about it.� apparently, peter says that the lucky near his house is better.� i refuse to believe him. so that was sunday.� monday, i woke up just in time to pick up jay from SFO.� i tackled half of my _time_ magazine (i resolve to read the entire issue every week, EVERY single article) and promptly fell asleep in bed.� and i really wanted to party hard, but no one was around.� so i wound up having pizza with jeremy and kate, and we went to see _not another teen movie_ at shoreline, and there was a whopping SEVEN people in the theater.� and the movie was pretty bad.� i mean, i appreciated the numerous naked breasts that were gratuitously shown, but that was about it.� the girl was cute, though... but she was much better looking with glasses than without, which makes me wonder... i'd like to go out with a girl who wears glasses. after the movie, we got back home 20 minutes before the ball dropped.� jeremy busted out two mini-bottles of cheap champagne.� how cheap?� so cheap that the cork was this fake plastic thing that came off to reveal SCREW CAPS.� yup.� and the stuff was so nasty that after i left soon after midnight struck, i puked feta cheese and acidic sparking wine all over the parking lot. yes.� so that was my new year's.� no party.� just some good pizza, a bad movie, and some rotten wine.� yes, i am so grateful that i at least got to spend it with jeremy and kate, but... i wasn't the amazing smashing event i was expecting.� at the minimum, i wanted to get a hangover out of it. and that's when it hit me.� my friends, my good friends, my drawmates... they're going to live without me.� they're fine without me, and their lives are wholly separate from mine.� even jay, who i had a blast with when he first moved out here, is moving inevitably towards his more important relationship with margaret.� and i'm not bitter.� but that's just the way it goes. i think that the juxtaposition of my expectations for being surrounded by my beloved friends and the stark reality that i'm really just another guy who's alone is what really bummed me out these past few days.� i swear.� i didn't want to write anymore.� i just wanted to crawl into a little hole and hibernate for the rest of my life. and that's why i was so bummed out today that i woke up at 10am all refreshed, yet i went back to sleep and slept all the way till 2:45 today. so i got up, and i went through my cell phone directory and called up some people i haven't talked to in a while... una, amy, dj... the conversations weren't that satisfying, so i just resigned my day to watching tv.� i must say, though, that the oregon/colorado game was pretty good, because i was rooting for the ducks. but then i got some more resolve and called up mike.� i'm really glad i did. basically, mike has saved my christmas day and my new year's day from complete solitude. i met mike at milpitas square, and we spent the next few hours chatting over a sweethearts cafe pearl milk tea, which is my favorite place.� we always seem to gravitate towards relationships and our laments about being single.� i think that between mike and me, we've had some good experiences with women, and both of us are raring to get another crack at it.� it seems, though, that he's much closer to another than i am.� but anyways, i must have stayed at sweethearts cafe for like two hours. and that's what i wanted.� see, one of my primary resolutions for 2002 (i've never really had new year's resolutions, though) is to find new friends.� preferrably single friends.� i don't quite know how to go about doing that, though, but it does seem that despite all the grief my journal has caused me (alienating women in my life, my parents getting concerned, etc.), the best thing that has resulted from my journal is that i have made some new friends.� and they're all cool people.� and i am committed to maintaining and nurturing these relationships that have developed along the way. mike said that sometimes life surprises you in ways.� i said that most of my surprises this year were bad, but then he said that one surprise is that after the dinner where we first met, he's pleased that we're still talking and actually hanging out.� and i'd have to agree.� i don't expect every person i come in contact with to be interested in me enough to keep in touch, but i certainly am glad that some do. but anyways... mike invited me to go bowling (apparently tuesday nights are a ritual for him and his friends to hit some pins), so although i was all tired and letting inertia tie me down to the futon and the tv, i dragged my ass to south san jose and bowled two games with him and his buds.� i was surprised that i was as animated as i was, because usually i'm really wallflowery among new people.� but yeah.� i gotta change my attitude.� one thing that really sticks out in my mind is mike saying that to induce changes in your life, you have to dare to venture outside your comfort zone.� yes.� i gotta heed that.� because my comfort zone is the confines of my apartment, and nothing's going to happen if i just stay there. so that's my last three days.� hm.� eric seems to have disappeared from AIM.� but yeah.� maybe 2002 is going to be a new beginning.� i think that may be a little too dramatic a statement, but i gotta have hope. oh, one last thing... thanks, mallory. your writing brings me comfort. new year.� clean slate.� i'm looking forward to it.� but then again, it _is_ night time, when i'm most motivated and hopeful and delirious with the fanciful notions of good nuggets of happiness miraculously popping up in my life... ...we'll see how it goes once i wake up tomorrow. |