| an unbiased, non-bitter lesson in geography from the ladies of 808 |
| alaska: how big is Alaska? we don't really know (some of us think it's bigger than the rest of the continental U.S, but it's probably more like 3x the size of Texas)...it's big, and no one really lives there, but Kelly seems to think anyone from alaska is the devil and has beady eyes, and no one is really sure why she hates them so vehimently. |
| atlanta (ATL): not good. produced kyle and is in the south. plus it really pissed off kyle when we talk shit about it. and the Georgia Tech bees suck, except "death" because you can't escape him...and choas really sucks, but if his name was spelled right, he might kick some ass. |
| aloha, oregon (pronounced "oregen" not "oregone"): the shared hometown of myself and the pedifile known as "the former RA"...pronounced "alo a", not the hawaiian way. to prove he's the oldest RA ever, he graduated from aloha high the year after my brother, who is eleven years older than me. |
| bend, oregon: hometown of NeNe. no one is really sure where bend is, not even Neil is certain, but we think it's somewhere between east jesus nowhere and north bumblefuck...according to neil it is the "nipple" of oregon...we are currently trying to verify the reliability of this source (he is from bend after all, how much could he know?) |
| compton (the CPT, the 213): our current location, the University of South Central. you will hear our area code in numerous Dre and Warren G songs, and many places referenced in "regulators" are our close neighbors. while our friends take jaunts in westwood with celebrities, club in nyc and take nice walks in Boston, we dodge bullets and try to find places that don't have "foodstamps only" signs in the window. |
| downtown: downtown Los Angeles, location of CPK (california pizza kitchen), where we choose to "dine-out" almost weekly. also the place we thought was surely "next" during the 9.11 crisis, and we thus fled, giving birth to VIP, a bond that can never be broken. |
| france: home of zoe's family's castle. country from which zoe's father came, which thus makes it very important to her, and in turn, it is important to all the regulators. she also spent winter break there, giving it some other unclear significance. |
| italy: another important european nation. the mother of the romance language that keriann and i hope to speak and understand coherently by second semester sophomore year, so that we can go there and she can show me where she vomitted (because the calander cut it off). |
| fresno: the most exciting part of the trip to SF was going by and saying "word" to greg's mother. that was the highlight, which gives you a little preview of what's to come with SF. also generally significant because greg is dating the "sherf's daughter", which is just funny. |
| hawaii: location of kelly's winter break getaways. the place that everyone in 808 loves, except me because i've never been there. however, i do have the shot glass, handmade soap, and a maui monkey, which makes up for everything. also hometown of trevor of 8th floor and "sketchy" ATO fame. |
| long island: hometown of keriann and her many hilarious and entertaining friends. also hometown of the Baldwins, of Usual Suspects ("cocksucker motherfucker arggghhhh") and Pearl Harbor ("there's nothing stronger than the heart of a volunteer"...*tear*) significance... mainly because Alec was K.A. and my first celeb sighting...good stuff |
| the following descriptions of geographic locations in no way reflect my or any 808 members opinion of individuals from and residing in said-designated locations. except kyle. no one likes him or atlanta. |
| new york city: home of zoe and marshall. home of the yankees, who lost only because some moron tried to break derek jeter's foot. home of the best bagels and pizza, which we will eat endlessly when we go there to visit KA. home of SNL and conan. also significant because the events of 9.11 brought us all closer. |
| pacific palisades: home of jack nicholson, britney spears, and...kelly and molly. also home of "mama crail's home cookin' ", and kelly's ben affleck sighting. this is also where benicio danced with sally field, kate hudsen, and leo dicaprio...what a strange place. |
| san diego (SD, dego): hometown of ilana, laura and myself. which obviously makes it the best. the only place where you'll get every video for casper's class at one location (kensington video). SD is the smaller LA, with less smog, less traffic, and more pro-war citizens. |
| san francisco: "the road trip o' fun" turned into "the road trip o' hellish occurences" because it took place in SF...the city of the undead, which is proven by the location of "the interview with the vampire", right? anyway, it rained a lot, we got stuck in traffic on a BRIDGE (not only am i deathly afraid of bridges, but everyone else wet themselves with me, because it was one of the target bridges after 9.11)...then we went to the crappiest restaurant in SF and we could've gotten married and had children by the time they helped us. and this is the short version of our tale of whoa. although the KK...SK was born |
| santa monica: home of 3rd street, where we shop and see movies, and usually learn new things about our suitemates...and where molly sees 80 celebrities a day. |
| virginia: home of molly's family's other home, and her boarding school, where she participated in many scandalous juvenile delinquent activities. |
| new orleans: sight of steph and her friends' mardi gras debauchery, and much partaying with the almighty snoop dogg |