Cory:
I am the very model of a modern independent boy.
I hail from normal parents in suburban slums of Illinois.
Of things that make no sense I am well versed above the average man,
Like hunting duck-billed platypus with nothing but a garbage can.
My friends and I for some time have been privy to a pastry cult,
My classmates have been organized to build a better catapult,
The work which is presented in my classes multitudinous
Has left no time to go on dates with girls pulchritudinous.

Company:
Has left no time to go on dates with girls pulchritudinous.
Has left no time to go on dates with girls pulchritudinous.
Has left no time to go on dates with girls pulchritudinous.

Cory:
I listen to the chatter of my swarming hosts of belfry bats
And many say I'm crazier than fifty scores of outhouse rats,
But still, amid the rumors cast by average kids in Illinois,
I am the very model of a modern independent boy.

Company:
But still, amid the rumors cast by average kids in Illinois,
He is the very model of a modern independent boy.

Cory:
I've knowledge of our politics, despite my non-involvement stance,
I close my ears and shriek whenever someone mentions Riverdance,
The greatest book I've ever read I know to be The Odyssey,
I take the higher Vatican authorities for Pharisees,
Amid the higher circles I am smart enough to turn a phrase,
Although I have yet to find for me a fitting job that pays,
For the health of our society I tell you that my greatest fears
Are Pokemon and Furbies and the stupid bitch named Britney Spears.

Company:
Are Pokemon and Furbies and the stupid bitch named Britney Spears.
Are Pokemon and Furbies and the stupid bitch named Britney Spears.
Are Pokemon and Furbies and the stupid bitch named Britney Spears.

Cory:
I hate our lack of culture and replacement by our modern crap,
Despite my being younger than the youngest of the culture-slap,
But still, amid the problems in our little slice of Illinois,
I am the very model of a modern independent boy.

Company:
But still, amid the problems in our little slice of Illinois,
He is the very model of a modern independent boy.

Cory:
And so, when I am old enough to fin'ly have the right to vote,
When I can tell a Pullman from the trailer of a motorboat,
When I have seen the world beyond my podunk neighborhood,
And when I understand enough to do a little bit of good,
When my elders think me better than a madman and a reprobate,
When the greatest generation holds me higher than a second-rate,
In short, when I have grown beyond the shadow of naivete,
The world'll be a better place before next Saturday.

Company:
The world'll be a better place before next Saturday.
The world'll be a better place before next Saturday.
The world'll be a better place before next Saturday.

Cory:
For despite my machinations I am broke as tiny shards of glass,
And many people still consider me an utter pompous-ass,
But still, despite the boundaries I have to cross in Illinois,
I am the very model of a modern independent boy.

Company:
But still, despite the boundaries he has to cross in Illinois,
He is the very model of a modern independent boy.