Imagine yourself finding out that your favorite game's sequel or something has been released. So naturally, you speed on over to the store, and cut off some schmuck in a minivan who's bitching up and down at you in a stuffy nasal voice as if you could really hear him through not only his windows, but yours as well, and the wall of 30 decibels of everyday shopping traffic populace, and take his parking spot. You make a mad dash inside, nearly getting hit by some dumbass teenybopper who has to work 3 jobs to pay for his shitty brand-spankin-new-fresh-off-the-damned-truck Camaro, the only good thing about it naturally being the 60 bazillion watt subwoofer that's ripping out hardcore rap like no tomorrow. You're inside the store now and you're flying through the aisles of the desired department of the store, looking for this damn piece of software and hoping that you're the only person in the world who even knows about the release of this great item you're about to purchase. You find this software, box and all. Hell, you can even smell the freshly sealed plastic-wrap that could probably hold down a mental ward in-patient. You grab the box as if in disbelief that it's actually HERE! Of all the damned places to be in this world! Not in some deep dank cavernous realm where a bigass acid-drooling lizard protects it from the mortal infidels such as you. Not in the Smithsonian, but here at your everyday software retail store. You look at the backside for an idea of the contents, in one last insurance procedure that this is actually worth your money. AND IT IS!!!!!! Until you find out its price. If you sold your car for 3 times what it's worth to some schmuck who's actually going to spend that kinda money, maybe your house too for 4x its actual worth, and a few family members to the slave market, and yourself as a high-class ritzy prostitute, you could come up with a good layaway downpayment for this fucking set of CD's in a box that can be breathed on and crushed. (hence the 50 pound cardboard attempt at making it stronger within) DAMMIT! This is what you say to yourself as you chuck the box back onto the shelf in frustration, only moments before some nerdy store rep passes by only to see you looking like you're about to kill someone. Naturally they don't want that someone to become them, so they just keep on walking and pretend they saw nothing. If only it were on sale! Like...a 99% off sale. Then for only the low low price of your soul, you could buy it, hassle free. Then this is when you realize that you have internet access. HEY! Maybe someone's got it online for free!!! Full version! Not that downloadable demo crap where it gives you all the ooohs and aah's, but never lets you actually play it or try it. But the full entire thing!!! You rush home immediately, causing a 70 car pile-up in the process, thankfully none of those cars would happen to be yours, because you're such a fucking wicked badass high speed driver. So you wait out the fortnight it takes your state-of-the-art computer to load up, and then you go online with your fast as hell T3-ish broadband connection. You do a few searches here and there. You come up with warez sites. These are said to be illegal, but hey, it's all legal till you're caught, you convince yourself as you go clicking through the links, dodging porno pop-ups and bullshit "VOTE FOR US @ SHITTYWAREZ.COM!" sites. Back in your day of using a simple minded 486 attempt at a PC, you remember these warez sites being the absolute shit, where you could get nearly anything for free, full version, no bullshit. Today you're lucky if you can find a damn site that even has anything worth the effort. But still, you make the search, knowing that you will one day find this softwre you absolutely must have, or the universe as we know it will implode and we will all die ridiculously deformed in ways we never knew possible. 50 days later of searching, you still find nothing but fake porno to paysites, pop-up hell, and more shitty "CLICK HERE FOR DA WAREZ!" sites, that essentially just lead you to bullshit sites that have nothing. Your body has willed itself to gain all its nutrition from the coffee and cereal, your cat is dead from having starved to death, not to mention the fact you kinda kicked it to unconsciousness when it began gnawing on your leg in an attempt to feed itself, and then it just died. You don't know what smells worse - the fact that you haven't showered in the last 50 days since you began your search, or the fact that your cat is on the floor in a heap, rotting and being eaten away by the natural decomposing process of nature. Actually, you both kinda smell the same now. You turn off your computer and begin to cry. Not because your cat is dead, but now because you have to get 5 more jobs to come up with the cash for a stupid piece of software that honestly isn't worth the money. $70 at best, but they want more. Welcome to the world of warez, my loyal subjects. This is what you get to deal with on a daily basis of trying to get something for free online. I've only found one site out of the 63 million in the world that actually lives up to its namesake of FREE WAREZ DOWNLOADS!!!! I keep its web address safely encrypted in the back of my mind in case those fools at the FBI want to come in and bust it. I now officially cannot stand warez, but I hate software companies 5 times as much because the products they release aren't worth the money you have to spend. I will now list some of these companies:
Adobe - for Photoshop 6.0. $600 for stuff I can get in a $100 Paintshop Pro 7 by Jasc Software. Blizzard Entertainment - StarCraft, Diablo, Warcraft. Founders of Battle.Net, the biggest online gaming community there probably ever will be, with investors and assistants such as AT&T and Exodus. Need I say more? See? That's it. A one for three ratio. One good company for every 3 bad ones. To the high-price software companies and bullshit warez sites, I give you both a big fuck you in the hopes that the government busts your punkasses. LONG LIVE RUSSIAN WAREZ!! FUCK YOU, HIGH-PRICE SOFTWARE COMPANIES!!! FUCK YOU TOO BULLSHIT WAREZ SITES!!!
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