The pain of missing people.....How do you deal with that? Especially
if you've been to hell and back about 30 times. You've been there so much that it's become you most often vacation spot. When you sit alone and wonder....did I make a mistake again? And what do you do if someone you love is gone. Like a friend of a friend, or a boyfriend, or what if you hear that a friend of yours is going to kill himself if he can't get out of where he is. You become deathly afraid that he's
A) not going to be able to get out in time to save himself...or
B) He'll go and won't keep the promise of finding you again. This guy knows, pretty much what it's like to be insane.
On top of you're friend threatening to kill himself you have someone you love who you haven't seen for a while, isn't reading thier mail, isn't calling, do you worry that they might not come back or do you keep the faith and hope. And what would you do if you saw a boy laying in the road? What would you do if you saw his bloody body being loaded into an ambulance and carried away and there wasn't ONE MOTHER FUCKING THING that you could do? What the hell would you do? What?! What?!?!?! Fucking tell me cuz some people here just don't know anymore. Ok, that's how many problems now? Anyway here's another. You remember you got that special someone your in love with, right? Right. What do you do when your friend comes to you and says he's in love with you too? You feel horribly guilty becuause you know EXACTLY how much of a bitch it feels like to love someone and not be loved back. So let's count them up shall we
There's your suicidal friend (1)
there's your love that you don't know what happened or where they may be (2)
There's the boy who got hit by the car. Who's in the hospital and if he's lucky enough to survive will be mentally disabled (3)
and the friend who loves you but you love someone else (4)
Could you handle that? Oh lucky dilly-dee.....guess what some people have to. They don't really have a choice. This is all hypothetical of course. But to make it REALLY fun let's put some more shit in there shall we? Grades...most of the people who read this are in school.
So let's say you're grades suck (5)
and you have parents that get on your case for every little thing. Like you wouldn't believe. They get on your case enough to hurt you.
Hurt you enough so that you can't lay down anymore. (6)
Then you have friends who talk shit behind your back...Oh wait I mean "friends"...but your other..."friends"...know it's going on and say nothing...(7)
WAHOO!! We're just writing up a list aren't we baby. What if you were scared out of your mind? What if you want to curl up and just scream? Could YOU handle that? Maybe...maybe not. Most likely not. But I'm probably saying that only because the clerk behind the desk in hell knows my student ID number by heart and has all my locations. That's how well I know it. OH!!! OH!! Fuck yes!! Here's ANOTHER fucking problem!!
Your shrink....YOU'RE FUCKING PSYCHIATRIST.....gives up on you!!! (8)
and this is like...what? Your 600th one....lol She forgets about you for about a month...brings you in..."Oh I'm sorry, but through all the hussle and
bussle. I must have forgotten you* LMAO yeah that's something you want to tell someone who's going completely....nuts. Moving on... speaking of moving...you really want to but unfrotunately you have to wait 3 years....just three more...."Come on, you can do it...." You say that constantly to yourself....but sometimes you think you can't. Anyhoo back to the friend who's in love with you....WHOOOOO boy that's a dilly. You feel so damn guilty about that you if you had one wish it would be to have him not loving you....even though you know nothing about the location of the one you're fully in love with...because you're friend is a good person and you don't want your friend hurting. You remember how painful it is and fear that he might do something stupid, everyday that he's not on-line. Let's move your social life over to school now....actually fuck school. You're grades suck ass and you're gonna die anyway. Right? Ha...ha....ha....if life were only that simple. Your grades suck...you know your grades suck.....you know they know that your grades suck....and you know, like that back of your hand, that your gonna get crucified for it. CRUCIFY!!!! Ooooh sounds like something out of the catholic religion!! The religion against wiccan. The religion that your parents are (catholic) but you aren't.
Your beliefs are completely and utterly different than thiers. (9)
If they ever find out that your not following thier beliefs you're dead. It's not like you are going out and fucking everyone from here to city hall....wait that has something to do with SEX....You're sexual prefrence too could get you killed...in fact....it almost has....GO YOU!! Let's say for a sec. that you were either Bi/Gay and you told your friend....and you're friend that you had faith in to keep their mouth shut....tells a jock....that jock tells more jocks...those jocks go out and tell stoners....stoners go out and tell gangs.....you know....some of them are bound to not like the idea that your bi....so as your walking home one day...VROOM!!! was that a bird...oh wait no...it's was a car trying to run you down!!!
And as you thank the gods that you dodged that one, another car rolls by and throws shit at you...(10)
*deep sigh* you gotta love people. Really you do. But I'm not saying all people are bad. After all you can't judge people by thier worst specimen. I have 2 best friends that I feel closest too. And goddess forbid that anything bad happens to them. I'm not really a very loved person down here in the devils armpit. But I keep sane by remembering my 2 best friends. I go home every day thinking...."God that was one fucking shitty ass day....why didn't I just let that fucking car hit me?" Then I remember my 2 friends. They're there when I need them. All the time. They put up with me when everyone else would have just told me "get the fuck lost." I love 'em both and they know it. I say it often enough. And I'm going to say it every chance I get. You really have to know who your friends are. You'll survive alot easier through those top 10 problems you're having that week.