I know it's been a while since I've written, but I just didn't have much else to add to this page.
I asked the doctor about the strange throbbing sensation that I had following my last treatment, and he said that it was perfectly normal. In most people, what it means is that the veins are starting to "wear down and get sore" from the chemotherapy medicine pumping through them. So, as the blood flows harder and faster through them, they kind of ache in a way.
I've noticed it in the past few good weeks, but not as often or as strong. He said that it may or may not get stronger as we go along. . . it may only affect me alot on the week following my treatment each time. We'll just have to play it by ear.
Another update . . . . I had what they call a "mugga scan" which is a heart scan. He said that the medicine is affecting my heart muscles more than he would like to see - but not to worry, I'm not dying or anything - but that sometimes those results can be misinterpreted. So, he wants to do another scan following this treatment, and then see what results we get. What this means in the long run is that if the results come back the same, he will have to give me smaller doses in subsequent treatments, and just extend the treatments out over a longer period of time. I would be getting the same amount of medicine over all, it would just be easier on my body, etc.
Now it's time for an "emotional rant". We were looking at the calendar, based on what my Dr. had told me my next treatment would be, and by the time ALL this is over, it will be September/October 2005. That's on a "perfect" schedule, with no delays due to the heart scan mentioned above, or any delayed treatments due to low blood counts, etc. *Sigh*
I feel like I've already been dealing with this FOREVER, and I just feel like there is NO end in sight. I'm so tired of feeling bad, feeling tired, watch my family snap at each other (me included) because of all the stress of the situation. I'm tired of watching my child try to deal with this, and see things going on "under the surface" that we can't pry out of his emotions. I'm tired of being treated like a pin-cushion. I'm already starting to have problems with the techs getting blood. . .my veins are starting to "shut down" and are getting hard to get blood from. I've been stuck in one "bad" place already when they try to get blood. . . . on my hand, between the nuckle of my little finger/ring finger. That's the only vein they could find TWICE when I've been there. It normally makes my whole hand sore, and black/blue.
I'm tired of seeing Philip run down. . . having to take over so much. This last treatment, I had a really good week (better than my normal good weeks) and since they pushed back my treatment, I had more energy, so I was able to help him more. I just hate having to watch him take on so much around the house following a hard day's work as I lay on the couch bundled up in blankets.
I'ts just getting really old, really fast. I just sometimes wonder how long we can handle this without our "world" falling apart (or our marriage, or our home, or our relationship with our child. . . .you name it, it could easily "fall apart" under the strain of this thing for so long a time.) I know God will get us through this without all this happening, but I sure find myself wondering sometimes . . "How?"
Ok - glad I got that out. . . . I am looking forward to my "break" when I start radiation, which will be around late February or early March. I haven't seen the Radiation Oncologist yet, so I don't know when, exactly, he wants to start me. My next 2 chemotherapy dates (following the one I'm currently on right now) will fall on Jan. 14, and Feb. 4 - so going by what my Dr. said about a couple of weeks break before starting Radiation, that should fall around the time frame mentioned earlier.
Then I will have a 7 1/2 week break from Chemotherapy. They have told me that Radiation makes you really tired, but you don't have the aches/pains, nausea, and general "feel like crap" side-effects that I have now. So, I'm looking forward to getting away from those side-effects for a while. Then maybe we can ALL re-group before starting this Chemo stuff again !
Well, I finish up my current Chemotherapy treatment today, and will have a bad week, probably starting tomorrow. . . . then we'll be back on the swing into a "normal week". However, they moved up my next treatment. . .. so I won't have the full amount of "good time" that I normally have between treatments. . . I'll only have 1 week to re-coup before getting that next treatment on Jan. 14 - so, this could be interesting, but it IS getting me back onto a Friday treatment schedule. So I can deal with that.
Until next time !
CHRISTY
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