Huh?
We trust that you'll enjoy your experience here.
Where's that voice coming from? Is that Smashmouth? And why's it so dark in here?
Yes, we here at Negatives have quite a collection. Please, do feel free to browse at leisure. We will soon have legions of reviews posted so that you may enjoy the wonder of our collective intellects as much as we do. We have also provided you with this little bit of virtual entertainment in order that your stay here might be more comfortable.
Comfortable? ...Blood?!
Allow me to introduce myself. I am Karla, chocolate connoisseur and resident co-critic here at this fine establishment. And now, if you don't mind, I'd like to tell you about why you're here.
Wha----what are you talking about? Can you even hear me? Hellllllooooooooo!!! I want OUT OF HERE!!!
Just what is Negatives, you ask? My, but you're inquisitive! Simply put: It is a somewhat comprehensive (though not always comprehendable) collection of highly-maintenanced film reviews, composed ad nauseum by myself and Sara Whitlock, one of my most esteemed and totally worthy colleagues. Our analyzations are thorough (according to us), honest (according to us), and accurate (according to us). What else can you ask for in a critic? =)
Some consideration would be nice.
I promise that if you'll just stick around, read some reviews, and eat at least a metric ton of chocolate that you'll really enjoy yourself. ...And probably gain twenty pounds... But hey! There's a sacrifice to be made for pure chewing satisfaction.
Better watch that sweet tooth.
Now this is what you're going to do: You're going to adjust that swivel chair, grab a Snicker's, free your mind, get comfortable, and you're going to prepare that brain of yours for infiltration. Because once you let the NEGATIVES into your home, baby, you'll never look at a movie the same way again.
Why should I waste my time with your webpage?
Honestly, if you're already wasting your time reading this, it's not too likely that you're about to improve your situation the slightest bit by logging onto the "Britney Spears' House of Silicone" page instead. If that sounds crazy, I've got a newsflash for you: THE WHOLE INTERNET (not to mention Britney Spears) IS A WASTE OF TIME. I'm sorry, little hacker, but it's true. Video games? Waste of time. E-mail Forwards? Waste of time. That LEGO Fort you're building in your basement? Waste of time. Roseanne's talk show? Waste of time. Roseanne attempting to work out? Waste of time. AOL Chatrooms? Big, huge, GARGANTUAN waste of time.
So now you know-----you're a loser. But come on, don't be all down in the mouth! The internet has been known to provide a plethera of wonderous and exciting virtual adventures for people with virtually no life. If you're going to waste what little vitality still exists in that lethargic body of yours in cyberland, why not waste it in style?
That's where Negatives comes in. Visit this website to be updated (and post-dated) on the most recent happenings in cinema present as well as those of cinema past (uh...when they were recent...). If you take our advice and start practicing a little disgression with your internet allotment, the time you "waste" here will be of great benefit to your health and lifestyle. Why? Because it saves you from living the desultory life of a trial-and-error, haphazard moviegover! You HAVE the guide to the happenin' flicks...and it's Negati
1.) Have fun.
2.) Be informed.
or, more realistically,
3.) Get the heck out of this nebulous pit as quickly as possible, as you feel a sudden, insensate desire to rip my head from its usual position atop my neck and relocate it up the unfamiliar terrain of my ************** *************************************** EDITED FOR CONTENT ****************** *****************
=sigh= Don't you just hate censorship?
Uh...What?
I mean, I could be having a really good time right now watching the Teletubbies if they'd just stop cutting the scene where Tinky-Winky takes La-La to the gay bar!!!
As proud constituents of T.F.M. (the female majority), we here at Negatives comfront many common issues that cater to the plight of our female counterparts-------feminism, sexual harrassment, the Spice Girls...
However, as we are also representatives of the more immature P.W.T.E.M.F.O.H.P.A.R.D.C.A.B.P.C. (People Who Thoroughly Enjoy Making Fun Of Homosexual Puppets And Really Don't Care About Being Politically Correct), we also enforce many common stereotypes that cater to the needs of our male enslavers---------housewifedom, sexual exploitation, the Spice Girls...
I'm sensing some inconsistency of cause, here.
Oh, don't even...the Spice Girls know exactly what they stand
