Jasonstory3

At about the 36-hour mark, Jason crashed. We were in the hallway talking to friends about how well Jason was doing, and I decided to take a Polaroid picture of him for our friends to take back home. When I tried to get to Jason's room to take the picture, however, it was packed with every nurse and doctor from the ICU. One mother was coming out of the ICU and told me that I couldn't go in there - they wanted all parents to leave because a baby was dying. Dying!! Sheer terror engulfed me. Panic had my heart pounding out a rapid beat as I ran back to my husband for support. We were led by a nurse to a room in which we were instructed to wait until a doctor could come and update us.

                                                                   As you can imagine, this was tough.
                                                                   My heart was racing. I felt like I had
                                                                   to do something, but I didn't know
                                                                   what. I was so helpless about the
                                                                   whole situation. And then it hit me -
                                                                   that's exactly what the Lord wants me
                                                                   to realize. I have no control over
                                                                   these things, He does. This child is
                                                                   His creation, not mine. He chose me
                                                                   to be the mother of this child. I had
                                                                   to let go and live by faith. Whatever
                                                                  God decided to do, that was His
                                                                  decision, and He does all things for
the good. I relayed this idea to my husband, and also the fact that perhaps Jason was only here to teach us faith, and if that was so, then so be it.

Then a wonderful thing happened. All the feelings of panic and fear were lifted from me, as if they were pulled straight up and out of the top of my head, and it felt like a bubble popping on my head. I felt a sort of mild electrical fuzziness inside my body, and I was filled with perfect
peace and calm. My heart was no longer
racing, I didn't feel jumpy and panicked. The
Lord had reached down and touched me,
reassured me, picked me up yet again to
carry me through a tough time. I knew every-
thing was going to be ok.