This is the trip log for our RSVP Mardi Gras Cruise. Chris helped with some of the parts, but Gerardo will be the friendly narrator this time.

Friday March 3, 2000

Welcome to the continuing drama of Chris and Gerardo. This episode entitled "1,700 Princesses on the NCL Wind" is brought to you by Miller Lite.

Many moons ago, I saw a brochure for a gay cruise with RSVP Vacations. Chris, being a stick in the mud and imagining that a gay cruise would be much like the back of all the clubs he would never set foot in, needed a lot of convincing to push him into agreeing. Of course, as Chris points out, I am the one who assigns "Getting to Yes" to my students so Chris really did not have a chance. We booked an outside cabin in the A category of the ship -- on the Promenade deck, where we could watch the cute runners go by. The way the cruise works, money is periodically billed to the credit card, so we paid for the entire cruise in 1999. This means that the "vacation expense" line in Chris' Quicken 2000 does not reflect the accrued $X,XXX that we will spend on the trip. (Note from Gerardo: That means there’s enough money for another trip! Yipee!)

Since we were pretty much stuck with each other as travelling companions for the trip, we used a Citibank companion voucher to book the fare to Miami. Of course it is a little difficult to get it all done (since the fare has to be $360 or more and the lowest fare on DFW-MIA was $339 at the time), but Chris convinces the AA Platinum desk to make it happen. They are soooo nice to him. Running over to the City Ticket Office in Village on the Parkway, we waved hello to Mrs. O'Brien who sets things up (and very kindly put us in the business class section of an MD-11 for our return flight). This seems like a very weird thing to me.  The seats are business class, but the service (meals and such) are still economy.  In any case, we thought the space might be necessary for our two weary boys after 7 days of fun.

The night before leaving we packed our luggage and decided that we really did not have to pack as lightly as our usual habits have taught us. Dave Berg pointed out that we only needed to unpack once, on the ship, so overpacking was not a bad thing. I took this as a sign to bring enough shirts and underwear for two weeks.

We also had the exit row on an MD-80 on the way out, but that was changed at the airport to two adjoining seats. Since we really don’t like each other that much, Chris asked and got an upgrade and we sat in the first row of the plane, with a bit more space between us. By an accidental omission, it almost happened that Chris was upgraded to business class alone.  But in a relationship-saving move, he asked to link my record with his and we both got upgrades.

The flight attendant was a wonderful and fabulous gentleman in his mid fifties, who noticed we were travelling together. He asked about where we were going, and after I told him about the cruise, he kept pushing drinks on us to start our vacation early.   Unfortunately, I still had some work to do (papers to grade), and I feel it is generally better to be sober when I work. We deferred the offers, but thanked him. Still, when we got off the plane the nice man gave us a barf-bag with 8 liqueur bottles for the road. This may have been the first flight where Chris slept and I worked. Complete role reversal. Film at 11.

In Miami, Chris raced over to phones to check voice mail (surprise!) while I waited for the bags. This was where we met our first fellow shipmate (Michael) who was with his partner (Ted) on our flight. We would bump into them a couple of times on the ship.

We took a cab to the Wyndham, where I finished grading and Chris cleared his voicemail and e-mail. Getting into the elevator we encountered a pleasant woman who was sharing her story about playing Mah Jong with someone who did not know how to play. This is why we do not like to talk on elevators. We do not want to be the floorshow for someone else. Although we are happy they provided some amusement to us!

I scanned one of the guidebooks in the hotel and picked out a Spanish Tapas restaurant in Miami Beach. A cab ride over and we discovered that it was in the Fountainbleau Hilton. Decent food, but nothing special. We walked the 30 blocks down to South Beach to take a look at the Art Deco neighborhood. Chris was tired from jet lag, having spent the previous week in Europe working. We walked past a few clubs, but they were not yet open when Chris requested a return to the hotel at 9 PM. It was a very good thing to have plenty of sleep the night before embarkation, since this would be the end to our loving affair with our pillows.

Saturday, March 4 Miami/At sea

On Saturday morning, Chris finished working while I went out to buy a couple of bottles of alcohol for the trip. Several other shipmates were in the hotel and we watched them leave for the port. At 12:30 p.m. we took a cab down to the port and stood in line to embark. The way the system works is: when you arrive you hand over your luggage, with tags with our cabin number (7042) on each piece. Then they put it on big pallets, which they load onto the ship, to distribute into each cabin later. At this point I should comment that gay men do not travel light.  Even as we packed "heavy" by our standards, we were still at one large suitcase, one suit carrier, one roll-on, and a backpack and a small duffle.  This seemed like a lot to us, until we met a couple (Tony and Dan, more below) who told us about their five gigantic suitcases.  Of course, as they explained, one of the suitcases was shoes...  It was not clear that suitcase counted...

The line at 12:45 p.m. was pretty long, but it got longer even after embarkation, peaking at about 1:30 p.m. or so at twice the length of the terminal. One gentleman had a lovely pink parasol to shade himself from the sun. That will not make it into our bag for the next cruise, but we did agree it was a smart move for the sun-sensitive traveler.s is when it became clear we needed to start keeping a list of items to bring with us for our next cruise.  One item that made it immediately on the lkist: Chia Pets.  We waited in line and began to chat with Tony and Dan, two fellas who had just had their commitment ceremony the week before. This cruise was their honeymoon trip! We made loose plans to run into them later.

Check-in was similar to an airport, where they x-ray your carry-on bags, and you stand in line for a cashier who tells you what seating you have for dinner. Up the stairs and onto the ship, we had to wait for pictures to be taken at the platform, holding a stupid life preserver with the ship's name (Norwegian Wind). We did not pick up any of the photos that the professionals took of us on this trip, so we avoided these lines as much as we could as the trip progressed. In the process of checking in Chris, always on the lookout for cute men, was checking out the line and discovered two adorable twenty-somethings who were wearing similar checked shirts. Chris is the consummate stalker and would end up chasing these boys for several days before introducing himself.

Dan told us that he got Tony a bottle of Champaign for the trip as a present, and we remarked that we would be surprised to find something like that for us. Voila, it was there, with compliments of our professional travel agent Doug Dorey. We also had a HUGE plate of cheese and fruit that we nibbled on for the next few hours. The champagne was saved for our first dinner.

Our cabin steward was Carlos from Costa Rica. He was very nice and did a great job (although I wonder if the cranberry juice stains in the carpet came out on the last night…) We spent the first few hours on board wandering around and getting our bearings. We were lucky, and our bags arrived fairly early; we unpacked before dinner. A lifeboat drill was part of the initial activities, but we were not very social there. Next time we should try to meet folks then since the people in our "muster area" are always from nearby cabins.

We had main seating at dinner in the Terraces restaurant. This meant dinner at 6:30 p.m. (and we were lectured to be on time, and not on "gay time," which means fashionably late). Our table (#121) was for 6, but we only had one other person join us regularly. This was Alex, a retiree from Toronto Transit. He had been on several cruises before, but I believe this was his first all-gay cruise. When we brought the Champagne out he was very appreciative.

After dinner we went to the Stardust Lounge, the large theater space on the ship, to catch the first entertainer. Here we were introduced to Danny, the emcee of the trip. He is a little guy with a great sense of humor. He kept the crowd rolling with his jokes throughout the trip. He always had a witty comeback to any situation. He’s clearly been a gay man for a long time. He has plenty of experience being catty.

Brian Bradley was the comedian who did the show on the first night. He did 90 minutes of standup, raunchy and gay. At one point he told an audience member that he was a hypnotist and that the audience member had become a chicken. The 60ish man replied, "It has been a very long time since I have been chicken." That got a laugh that upstaged Brian, but what does one expect in a room full of queens? His closing number had the audience producing sound effects. At one point he called for "the angry village people" sounds.  Someone in the front row started chanting, "Y-M-C-A" with an attitude.

Passing the coffee bar after the show we ran into a foursome playing bridge. Chet and George are a couple from Jacksonville with their friends Keith and Mike (another couple). Chris learned to play bridge when he was 7 and absolutely loves the game. It is one of the few things that can keep him awake past 10 p.m. Chris was disappointed that the foursome was complete, but they had a name of another group that was looking for a fourth. This is where the lack of voice-mail in the cabins became an evident liability.  Add post-it notes to leave messages on people's doors to the list of "Items for Next Time."   Chris left a note under their door and played with them several times during the trip. We also ran into this foursome several times during the trip, and at one point Chris borrowed George’s coat (on semi-formal night) for a picture.

Wandering around the ship we started to notice some of the decorations that people brought for their cabin doors.  Danny had asked that these decorations keep nudity to a minimum, and preferably tasteful.  However, you still saw quite a variety of decorations, including everything from photo albums (before and after pictures and the like), mylar screens, carnival masks, etc. Add to the list: door decorations.

Sunday March 5, 2000 at Sea

Waking up bright and early on Sunday, Chris decided to go to the workout room at the front of the ship. Obviously this ship is designed for straight people. There is not nearly enough space for 1,700 gay men to exercise in this gym. When one has to wait for a LifeStepper at 6:45 a.m.on a Sunday, you know you are in trouble. Twenty minutes later Chris was done and tried to get over to the weight room, but was intimidated by the lines and the weights on the machines. And that was only the women! Kidding...  Jeez, relax, will ya?

We went to the Four Seasons dining room toward the middle of the ship for breakfast. A nice buffet with omelet bars. We ate alone, but probably could have used some company.

The morning weather was cloudy, so we were not sure whether we would make it up on deck to begin our week of aggressive tanning. We ran up on deck at 10:00 a.m. to find a light rain falling, then back to the cabin to change into something warmer. By 11:30 a.m. it was clear and we were roaming around the ship. Chris went to the Shore Excursion talk in the Lounge to hear the plan for New Orleans and Cozumel. We wanted to go on a short excursion to Tulum (90 minutes of bus, 2 hours of walking, 90 minutes back to the boat) and this is where details were provided. The talk was a bit of a waste of time. The "port expert" kept pushing the shopping at Cozumel on us. Chris had low expectations based on her talk (which were met when we saw the $16 t-shirts on Thursday). Chris did learn that the stalking victims were from Long Beach and that one of them was named Kevin. Chris somehow "accidentally" sat behind them during the presentation... At least he got something out of the talk.

Chris and I found each other on deck and had lunch out there. Tables were hard to come by, so we shared with several different people. Ed, a finance guy from Detroit with General Motors was the first person we met. This Ed was on the cruise alone, however we would meet another Ed in finance from GM who had his boyfriend Ray on the trip. We were enjoying the shade and were not giving up our table, so a second couple joined us after Ed left. Drew and Mark were from Tampa, although they had spent the last 10 years together in Lafayette, California (East Bay). Drew’s company was bought out and now he was starting a business with a relative in Tampa. They had spent the last 12 months travelling and had only been in Tampa for a couple of weeks before this trip.

It becomes evident quickly that you meet a lot of people on these cruises, and it is hard to remember everyone's names.  Add to the list: Trick Cards (named after the little white cards at the Round-Up, which sit on the bar next to short pencils so you can give your number to prospects you meet).  The front of the cards would have our home info, and the back would have our cabin number, maybe meal assigned seating, etc.  We saw several people with these, in various cute implementations.

There was a quick snorkeling demonstration at 1 p.m. that drew some spectators. Was it the activity on deck or the cute redhead doing the demonstration that was drawing all of the spectators?

Pool games started at 2 p.m., and Danny put together teams of married guys versus single guys. As he introduced the players, Danny would ask them where they were from, how long they were together (for the married ones) and what they did. One guy from Scottsdale had been with his partner for 10 year and said he was a housewife. That got cheers, but more cheers came when he said his partner was a doctor. We can all appreciate the fact that he married well. His mother must be very proud. Both guys in one couple were also part of the married team. These two guys were from Dallas, and had met at the Village Station, a bar that our friend Bryant has described as a "Twinkie Disco."

The singles had several interesting characters including one guy who was recently single (the night before), another who was married (but looking for a third), and another who was looking for several Mr. Rights to spend time with on the trip.

The first game involved bouncing a ping pong ball into another player’s Speedo. The singles had a hard time following Danny’s directions, so he began to pick on them. In fact, the team captain (Mr. "I’ve been single since last night") had a hard time remembering the team name after the team had spent 5 minutes choosing it. The marrieds came up with "Domestic Engineers" in just 30 seconds. The game began and the marrieds did a great job. The singles had to resort to cheating and they still could not fill up their shorts like the marrieds could.

The first game was worth 10 points, while the second was worth 40 points. As Danny pointed out, this made the first game completely worthless. I love having control over scoring…

The second game required the contestants sit in a line in the pool and pass different pieces of fruit from one to the next using only their feet. Danny gave the instructions and the marrieds were all ready to go in just 30 seconds, but the singles were not even in a line yet. Danny said, "If you have any questions on what to do, just look over at the married ones." Then to the crowd, "It is not a wonder that they are single." Of course the marrieds won the game and got RSVP tank tops as the prize.

This was the start of our war with the sun. Chris was not clever enough to put on enough sunscreen and he caught a slight burn on his arm from the afternoon sun. That was the last time he went out without SPF 30 on.

Dinner was formal so we slipped into our suits. Many people owned tuxes, with all sorts of different ties (including 18th century styles), we saw a couple of capes, and many different types of evening wear, including, naturally several lovely evening gowns (wonr by men, naturally...)  Others had rented tuxes for $75, but we did not think it was worth it. If we had owned tuxes, we might have brought them on.

Before the formal dinner the Captain had a "Welcome". This was the first chance at free alcohol but we only had a flute of Champagne. We chose a seat to the side and were joined by two Canadian chaps who were looking for seats. Russ and Richard were sharing a cabin, which confused us initially. They knew each other very well, but they never said they were together. Russ works for Toronto’s airport and Richard is a controller (accounting, not any other kind). We sat and watched the captain read off a list of names of the members of his team and make some nice comments, then went off to dinner. We invited Russ and Richard to join us afterwards for the entertainment.

Dinner was fine, but again, only Alex shared our table. We got to know our waiter Salvador (from India) that night. He was very pleasant and outgoing and gave excellent recommendations. Comparing his service to other waiters, I think we were lucky. We changed into jeans immediately after the dinner. Neither one of us is big on formal wear.

We found seats for the Latin singer (Elvy Rose) and the canucks joined us. Ms. Rose was very high energy and went through several costume changes over the one hour show. At one point the ship’s dancers joined her and added some (much needed ) man-flesh to the party. James, the dance captain for the troupe, was introduced to cheers from his adoring fans. He quickly made an impression on the hungry crowd.

The evening deck dance (at midnight) was Leather and Uniform night. Several people were dressed for this at the show (making a sharp contrast to those in tuxes). While this is not usually our scene, we still danced around and had a nice time. I think this also set the norm that people could come and dance even if the outfits were not perfect or the scene was not your own. After Chris went to bed I wandered around the deck a bit and bumped into Richard in the casino. I managed to talk him into going dancing on deck (although Richard wanted to resist), and a good time was had by all.

Monday March 6, 2000 – At Sea/New Orleans

As it was dawning on Monday I had a chance to wander up on deck and see just as the ship entered the mouth of the Mississippi River Delta. The scene looks just as though you are going through a couple of sand bars, but it quickly grows to have swamps and other land masses all the way to the horizon. This part of the trip was interesting. We were told that the Norwegian Wind was one of the largest cruise ships ever to make its way up the river. Apparently we scraped silt on the bottom of the river many times on the way to New Orleans. Every time we hit silt the boat would tip a bit to port (left) or starboard (right). This was a bit disconcerting.

I went to the gym to do some weightlifting. Never again. The people in the gym at this hour are all professional gym bunnies, and while it took me forty minutes to go through a routine on six exercises, others were just finishing their second series of repetitions on one machine when I left. Of course, they looked it... I don’t think I will ever have the attention span to work out that seriously.

One thing they might consider doing in a gay cruise, though, is eliminating the Sports Bar (I know, who thought of this...) and adding more space to the Gym. A small room for weights and treadmills will simply not do for 1,700 gay men.

I met up with Chris at the cabin and we headed for the breakfast buffet at the Four Seasons. (Note to self: Bring a HUGE coffee mug the next time. Caffeine dependence cannot be sustained using small cruise-size cups...  Also add used car tires to the list.   Don't ask...) 

After breakfast we went to a dance class they were running for the Country Western dance. Given our interest in Dallas, it seemed like a good idea. Mike, from Minneapolis (the cradle of Country Western?) did the teaching. The front stage was clear, and this is where we danced. Or tried to. It was a bit tough to dance with the ship tilting back and forth. It felt like, suddenly, you had to shout, "Grapevine Left!" to compensate for the rocking of the ship. We did this for about an hour, until it was time for the lecture in the hall to begin. "All you ever wanted to know about anal sex but were afraid to ask your doctor." We skipped the lecture.

Instead, I did a bit of sunbathing, still trying to build a nice base of color to show off at the end of the trip. Had a quick lunch on deck, while Chris was working on going through a bunch of rubbers (in his bridge game, you pervs...)

As we got closer to New Orleans we began to see much of the industry of the area. Sugar Mills, Refineries, etc. all along the river. We also saw some supply ships for the navy, of the kind where the trucks drive in through the back, as well as a series of small ships with NATO flags on them.

The passenger dock in New Orleans is right next to a long thin shopping area by the river, with two and three stories of shops. It almost looks like an old cannery building. Because Chris had gotten a bit too much sun the day before, we wanted to find a pharmacy for some aloe cream, as well as to find a bit more sunscreen. The Mall had a Body Shop and a Structure, but nothing for Chris’ sunburn. We took off on Canal Street and got a first taste of Mardi Gras. We went as far as Royal, the street before Bourbon St., and found a Walgreen’s. We picked up some sunscreen and aloe cream.

While we were at Walgreen’s we also got some construction paper, pens, cards, tape, etc. Since many of the doors on the ship were "richly decorated" by the occupants, we were feeling like morons. So we hoped to make up for it a bit through the creative use of office supplies. We were also looking for "post-it" notes (to leave messages for other people) to coordinate things with people. The only post-it notes at Walgreen’s, though, were dark ones to use with metallic pens, so we skipped that and got more tape instead.

It had also become clear to us that our apparel for the trip was missing a couple of ingredients. In particular, we did not have enough slut wear. So we made a stop at Structure to buy two more slutty white t-shirts each.

Back on ship we had open seating dinner with Tony, Dan, Joe, Luis, and Alan in the Four Seasons. None of us wanted to deal with trying to grab dinner in New Orleans. Russ and Richard had planned to go into town to dine, so they did not join us. We headed into Mardi Gras after dinner at about 7 p.m. We started on Canal St., and tried to get to the end of Bourbon St., to the gay part, by staying on side streets and off of Bourbon St. At one point Alan felt a bunch of beads hit him in the face, and as he grabbed the beads and recovered he kept walking. He then noticed that he had lost his glasses. He turned around to look for them, and was faced with a sea of people. He (wisely) decided they were lost forever in the gutter.

I have to say that my impression of the place is not so good. New Orleans at Mardi Gras. I have three words for you: Dis-Gus-Ting. The ground is sticky and covered with beer, etc., and the gutters are filled to overflowing with trash, since they only do a pickup at the end of Mardi Gras, on Tuesday night.

In the straight part of Bourbon St., people on the balconies "award" beads to those walking below. In this part of the street many times you can get beads simply by asking. However, people would do all sorts of stuff for a set of beads. The tamer stuff includes women flashing their breasts, men flashing their penis, and both mooning the crowd. The less tame stuff involves oral sex on the street and other forms of intercourse between different combinations of genders.

One troubling thing was the number of drunken 21 year olds that were so intoxicated that they did not even know where they were. I guess this is why people come to Mardi Gras, but it is a great argument for minimum drinking ages. And y'all know I am not that much of a prude, or in favor of government legislating behavior...  It was not nice, really.

We hung out at the gay corner for a while, with some side trips to the restroom and a trip to a phone for Joe to call his beau at home and to call his mom. He is such a Mama’s boy. Joe was one of many cruisers who had booked the cruise before they started dating their current interest. Chris did something similar when he went to Argentina with Trey in 1996, but sending one’s boyfriend on a weeklong all-gay cruise is different from 3 weeks in Patagonia with a straight sailor. (Chris says, "For one thing, Trey is a GREAT bridge player!")

Our group stayed around until about 11 p.m. before heading back. On the way back I was looking for cheap beads, since I thought they might be good to make a bead curtain for Beth in Philly. While we were looking we came across a costume shop, and we just had to get matching feather boas for everyone. We picked the ones with Carnival colors, purple, green, and yellow. We then headed home. Alan and Luis ran into Amy, a diva (a real girl) who was part of one of the ship’s cabaret acts. She was the singer with Freddie on the piano. On the way up to the ship, on the gangway, the ship folks were checking identification and boarding passes. This seemed a bit silly. Like they could mistake any group of seven men with matching feather boas for passengers of any other ship?

Tuesday March 7, 2000 – New Orleans/At Sea

Still in New Orleans, we decided to have breakfast at the Four Seasons. We then headed into town in the daylight with Russ and Richard. We initially avoided the French Quarter, skirting it instead. As we wandered around the market we checked the voice mail at home and got the message that Gerardo’s sister-in-law Pauline had given birth to a lovely girl, named Susana, and my latest niece. I called Victor to congratulate them. I am sooooo happy. Three nieces. This means that my three siblings have produced half as many offspring as one of Chris’ six siblings (thinking of his brother Mark with 6 daughters).

We began looking for food and just for interesting things to see in the city. With the ship leaving at 4 p.m. we were mostly looking for a quiet way to hang around and people watch. We saw a couple of restaurants with Zagat (pronounced zah-got, says Chris) reviews posted that sounded pretty good, but the restaurants were only open for dinner. We avoided a Thai place that smelled like Pine Sol (although that was a better smell than that of New Orleans during Mardi Gras– stale beer and who knows what...)

They really need to have the gay folk in New Orleans organize Mardi Gras. I see three immediate effects. The streets would be cleaner, the boys would be better dressed, and there would be more port-a-potties. Generally, the whole things would be much more tasteful. I think this is what they mean when they say "the gay agenda."

We had lunch at a small restaurant where Chris and I had the Mona Lisa sandwich. No Cajun food, which is what Richard and Russ wanted, but I guess it is no surprise that trying to get Cajun in New Orleans on Mardi Gras is not easy. Following up on Russ’ and Richard’s dinner the night before -- they settled for burgers since most of the restaurants were closed for Mardi Gras. Next time.

Bourbon Street was still pretty alive at 1 p.m., with all sorts of people around. Still a lot of nudity and people flashing for beads, although the general level of drunkenness was lower than the night before. We never did see any of the parades for Mardi Gras, but we did see people headed to them or headed back from them. Many were dressed up in all different type of costumes, and we even saw same mini-floats (like a bicycle towing huge speakers with music blaring).

As it got a bit later it was time to go back to the ship. Russ and Richard went their way, since Chris and I had decided we needed to get a costume for the Ball on Thursday night. We had planned on dressing up as two parts of a layer cake, going around telling people that we were just missing the creamy middle. We bought some plastic sheeting and some Betty Crocker ready-to-spread frosting (at Walgreen’s, naturally... Is there anything you can’t buy there?)

Back on the Wind the sendoff from the shopping center was quite interesting. There was a large number of people watching the boat leave, and the crowd on the boat kept asking women to flash their breasts (I don’t understand why 1,700 gay men would think this was interesting, but the male brain is peculiar this way). When one woman obliged the whole boat broke into great cheers. A couple of guys in the balcony of the shopping center also mooned the boat, adding to the general merriment. I wonder what they thought this boat was, and why there were so few women...

Once the ship did a U-turn in the Mississippi we had a bit of time to change before the tea dance. It is called a tea dance because it is held at the time when high tea is usually served. Instead of serving tea, though, free drinks were served, and everyone was dancing on the top deck that was turned into a disco.

Although licor is not really a central part of the cruise, there is a lot of it around.   Deck boys are always peddling it, and you can have it by signing your name on a little slip of paper that adds to your cabin account.  Alcoholic drinks are not included in the "all-inclusive" price of the cruise, but they are no more expensive than drinks at a bar.  Still, add a thermos for drinks to the list, and large cups (for everything from water to soda, and for guests for drinks in the cabin...)

The top deck of the ship was an interesting setup. In a typical cruise this area is for sunning only, and is apparently deserted a lot of the time. In this cruise, the disco was permanently set up and throughout the day music plays. When peak tanning hours were over (about 5 p.m.), the area would also transform, and this is where the dance parties were held.

It was nice to see that many of the activities on board the ship attracted a lot of people. Very few of the activities were sparsely attended. Part of the reason is that the activities are quite fun. Part, like the tea dance, is that free rum cocktail is served for an hour on the deck. Since it was a retro dance, Chris and I wore our Red Lame shirts, matching. We got compliments, and we all know queens do not compliment easily! We got to dance to all the divas, including Cher, Madonna, the Village People, etc.

As we were headed down the river we went by the NATO ships again, and as we waved at the sailors they waved back. We all wondered if they knew who was on the ship. Perhaps they did... In the Navy, and all that.

The show for the evening was "Broadway Legends." It was a series of dance and song acts taken from popular musicals, such as Phantom and Miss Saigon, but not Cats. The best part, I thought, was the opening number to Cabaret. Instead of having women perform as the cabaret dancers during the Wilkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome, the ships performers had the men doing the same moves that women would have done (sliding down the banister on the stage, doing splits, acting sultry, etc.). This gave the number a meaning that is quite different from the one usually done. Actually, it is similar to the productions of plays where some of the parts are purposefully changed to focus on the subtext of the plot, plots that may have been revolutionary or risqué that are not anymore because the situations they present are no longer shocking or unusual. Russell, Richard, and their friend Rey from DC joined us to catch the show.

At midnight the Country Western Dance started. We had been looking forward to that, because Chris and I have been taking dancing lessons for a while (yes, I know, I hate to admit it too). At this point the ship is still making its way down the Mississippi, hitting the silt bottom every so often, making dancing a bit difficult. In addition, the night was particularly windy, making any kind of walking on deck tricky. Unfortunately, they had also washed down the deck after the tea dance, which means that boots were not that useful to dance in. Between the two things there was quite a bit of slippin’ and slidin’ all around the deck. This meant that there was not a huge turnout, unfortunately. This was one activity that was difficult to do well. Although there were many people by the sidelines, they were not dancing. The dance was not set up to teach beginners, although it should, because that might draw more people down. Chris and I thought that Wade or Juanita from the Roundup could have done a nice job interspersing lessons with music for everyone to dance to. Of course, the funniest would have been to see Charles, that dirty old man (whom we love) at the Roundup, doing the teaching. Chris was wearing his sneakers and was better off for it.

We saw one of the guys from the single’s team from the pool games—the married one who was looking for a third. He was a pretty good dancer, but the conditions were just too much for him and he hit the deck twice during the evening.

Wednesday March 8, 2000 – At Sea

This morning started early, at about 7 or 8 a.m. Chris went to do some aerobic exercises while I went to the Jacuzzi. After the night before and the previous morning when I was showing off at the gym (peer pressure, peer pressure), I felt like I had a sprained hamstring. I met some nice people in the Jacuzzi, and one fellow who kept saying "I’ve been up all night and I am ready to go to bed" while looking around, expectantly. There were no takers so he had to go home alone. Poor boy.

After breakfast (at the Sports Bar today) I laid out in the sun deck with Russ and Rey for a couple of hours. After sweating a bit, it was time to shower and shave and get back on deck for the drag swimsuit contest. The contest involved about 20 entries in a variety of creative outfits. Some entrants were singles and some couples, and there was one lovely group of Polynesian grass skirted ladies who were also trying for the contest. One honorable mention went to "Liz Taylor, circa 1984", a rather robust lady in a muumuu-like outfit, with high heels, and a slight look of disgust at all around her. Great stuff. In the end, Latin quality won in the form of Cha-Cha, a Latin lady in a Panama hat and high heels. She shared the first prize (in spite of her goatee) because of the spirit she brought to the contest. She was high energy and ran around the "stage" yelling and screaming "how happy she was to be here, how wonderful everyone is, how exciting the contest is", all with the thickest effeminate Spanish accent I have ever heard (and as you know, I have heard some...). The other winner was Selma Sue, aka Dug from Seattle. Again with a goatee, but at least he knew how to walk like a girl. Dug would show up later as the winner in the costume contest—but in a different costume.

After the swimsuit competition Chris and I had a quick bite at the pizza bar and headed to the Stardust Lounge for "Family Feud." The organizers had picked six "families" to compete. Some of the families included the "Rheas" (you can guess the first names, but a couple include Gono and Dia), and the "Philias" (you can guess again, with hints like Necro and Homo). However, two teams stood out in the competition. One team was the "Balboas", each with his own feather boa. The second team of note was the Lesbian team, one of whose members was "Moe the Hoe." The names of the rest of the members of the team confirmed, yet again, that no matter how disgusting men try to be, women can beat them.

The answers to the questions were obtained from a survey of 50 San Francisco gay men and lesbians and 50 on line gay men and lesbians. Some of the categories in the game included "Drinks that, if ordered, will get you thrown out of a leather bar", "Things you find in a purse", and "Ways to say ‘no’ to sex with your partner". Answers to the first category included "Pink Lady", "Sea Breeze", and "Martini". The Balboas did very well, and ultimately won the game, although the crew on the team did not look that impressive at first. They won the purse category with the answer "Mace", which made everyone wonder how they traveled and what they brought on board. For the last category, some of the answers included "I have a headache", "I’m full", "Go Away", and "No". One of the funniest moments happened when one of the Balboas, in response to "Ways to say ‘no’ to sex with your partner" suggested the answer "I have a date tonight." He was right. That certainly would be a mood killer for me.

We went to the semi-formal dinner at the Terraces, our assigned seating. We wore our suits a second time but with different ties. Fortunately, this time we had the camera with us. We also had a chance to meet several new people, three guys who were usually in the late seating but were looking for an early dinner. Two of them were from Dallas, and had met at the TMC. One is a tech rep for cellular phone service, and his partner of four years runs a travel agency. The third in the group was from Palo Alto, is of Czech descent, and works at Stanford. Obviously, we had a lot to talk about with them, and it was quite a pleasant dinner. The highlight of dinner (I guess) was a small show that the waiters put on, carrying Flaming Baked Alaska cakes through the dining room. This is a show that the waiters do on the final night of most cruises, where they demonstrate artistic skill. I thought it was fine, although the idea of a flaming baked Alaska loses something when it is flaming from a can of Sterno set on top of the cake.

The evening show was a Drag Chanteuse. The show included singing, some costume changes, and a couple of video clips presented on a large screen. The video clips were kind of funny, because they included the performer doing Drag in Japan (with references to the popular Hello Kitty character) and in Taco Bell. Still, the show was only so-so, especially compared to the earlier shows. In fact, there was not enough clapping to do an encore, although it is tough to tell if it was just the performer or the fact that the temperature inside the locale was 95 F. Apparently the ship captain had to shut down the A/C in some sections of the ship because they needed a bit of additional power to get us into Cozumel on time.

Chris and I headed back to the cabin for a nap before the midnight festivities, which on this night was the Underwear Party. For those of you that have been to these parties, I will provide no description, since it is unnecessary. For those of you that have not, imagine a beach party, with a wide array of swimsuit types, all dancing to disco music. Of course, many of you will think that it is some sort of vulgar display of flesh. However, I should tell you that on a typical day there was a lot more skin being shown on the sun decks than at the party. After all, this is a crowd with a penchant for small (Very Small) swimwear.

Russ and Richard declined joining us for the party. Russ is "not that kind of guy," and Richard was too tired to make it through the night. We missed them, but what can you do...

Oh, yes, there was also group dancing in Conga lines during the party. Enough said. The social interaction was (again) lubricated with free rum punch between 12:30 and 1:30 a.m. (Just how much Cranberry juice was loaded on this ship, anyway?) I had a few drinks for the evening. Chris left the party at 1 a.m. and I left at 3 a.m., even as the festivities were continuing. If we want to get a full report on what happened after I left, we can ask Rey ... or Kevin and Lucas (the dress-alike guys that Chris was stalking)... Or maybe Ray and Ed... All these people that stayed on... As I said, enough said.

Thursday March 9, 2000 Cozumel/At Sea

Since we had to meet at 6:45 a.m. for our day trip to Tulum and Cozumel, the foolishness of staying out until 3 a.m. dawned on me pretty quickly on Thursday morning. After dragging myself out of bed we ran to grab a bite to eat at the Four Seasons buffet we went to the Stardust Lounge, our meeting point. When we arrived we were told that the ship was delayed, and would not be there for another hour. There are few days in my life when I think that an extra hour of sleep would make a significant difference in the quality of my life, but this was one of them. After cursing them up and down, I dozed off while we waited to arrive at the debarkation point. Fortunately, misery loves company, and Ed, Rey, Lucas, and Kevin were all also waiting in the lounge. Ray had decided to go scuba diving in Cozumel instead, which bought him a couple of extra hours of sleep.

Because of the delay one of the scheduled excursions, to Chichen Itza, was cancelled. This was a trip that involved seven hours on a bus and two hours at Chichen Itza, one of the largest Mayan sites in the Yucatan. Actually, I thought it was good that they cancelled it. I am not sure it is worth taking a trip that long to visit such an amazing place for such a short time. Most of the people whose trip was cancelled instead signed up to come to Tulum with us.

We went from the Wind to a smaller ship (still a ferry, but a different kind), which took us to Playa del Carmen. Playa del Carmen is about one hour south of Cancun, with Tulum an additional 20 miles south of that, on the eastern side of the Yucatan Peninsula. As we headed in we could see the Wind turning to make its way to Cozumel, where it docked for the day. In Playa del Carmen we boarded buses that would take us to Tulum. We had a rather animated guide, Vincente (with a B), who explained some of the activities for the day and started giving us a rundown of things we would see at Tulum. All the guides were certified by INA (Instituto Nacional de Arqueologia), so they were quite knowledgeable of Tulum and Mayan culture generally. Vincente did a good job in English.

About 15 minutes into the trip the bus stopped at a rest area cum tourist trap, where Lucas and Kevin purchased a lovely set of coasters for $16. Lucas, Kevin, Ed, and Rey were all in the same bus with us, and we seemed to hang out quite a bit with each other throughout the day.

While we were in the rest area another excursion, the jeep excursion to the jungle, stopped in and then pulled away. While our bus was filled with men, all of the lesbians were driving these jeeps around, going to the jungle. Moe was one of the drivers... Could we please break out of our stereotypes, people!?

We headed on to Tulum, which is the only set of Mayan Ruins directly on the ocean. Tulum was occupied from around 900 AD until 1580 AD, well after the Spanish arrived. Apparently it was a marginal site from the beginning, and there is evidence from the remains at the site that malnutrition was a problem for its inhabitants. It is one of the smaller Mayan sites, since at its height it only had about 5,000 inhabitants. By contrast Coba, 50 miles inland, had a population of over 50,000.

The ruins are very nice, and the layout of the site is quite amenable for a tour. The city includes an outer protective wall and an inner protective wall, with palaces, temples, and raised platforms within the walls. All of the important people lived within the outer wall, whereas the folks who paid tribute to them (about 4,000 of the 5,000) lived outside the outer wall. The temples and palaces were where royalty and priests lived, and the raised platforms were used for different celebrations. It seems that the notion of self-mutilation, with fish bones and other quills, was quite popular among nobles and priests. They seem to have believed that the sacrifice of the best (e.g., themselves) to the gods would be pleasing. Now, don’t get me wrong, but if I was going to set up a theocracy, I would focus on mutilation and sacrifice of other people, not me. But maybe it’s just me.

Tulum is a small site, but it was still quite busy and crowded. Apparently over 1,500 people visit each day. Nothing like having Cancun an hour away to really improve your attendance. Because so many people visit the site, they have moved the parking lot to about a mile away from the actual ruins. The lot used to be right next to the ruins, and this is where my grandparents parked their RV 25 years ago when they visited. They got to see the sun rise over the ocean and the ruins from the old parking lot.  The site now has a large complex with stores (including a Subway Sandwiches shop) and restrooms. I don’t think most of the visitors appreciated how well developed the site is, especially compared with how primitive the facilities at other ruins around Mexico can be.

Inside the ruins we toured several of the smaller buildings and we got a chance to wander around the sacrificial platform in front of the Castillo (the Castle) of the site. We went behind the Castillo and you have a beautiful view of the Mexican Caribbean from the top of the cliff. The water was blue in different hues, and the sun was radiant. We wandered by the beach for a bit going around the Castillo, until we came to the sand path that takes you down to a bit of water. I walked in to the Caribbean with my sandals on, and the water was great. We then walked around a second part of the site, by the wind temple, and we finally made our way back to the bus via the tourist traps and the restroom. In all we had about two hours at Tulum, which was about the right amount of time to see this site. I cannot imagine doing Chichen Itza in just two hours. I think a bit more time would be good to see some of Tulum from the outside of the outer wall, but since much of that is overgrown with jungle, it is not clear we could have done it. Chris finally got up the nerve to take a picture of Kevin and Lucas and took the chance to introduce himself. In the picture, they are smiling because a relative stranger is taking a picture of them.

Once on the bus for the ride back we had a chance to eat our lovely box lunch. Because there are regulations about bringing food into countries from the outside, our box lunch, packed on the ship, did not include anything that could be identified as a vegetable. As you might imagine, this limits the type of lunch we had. A couple of pretty dry sandwiches, a brownie, a cookie, and a granola bar. A nutritious meal all around. Thank god for the tour guides, who provided Cerveza Sol for me. They had two Caguamas (the family-sized version of Mexican beer (think 40 oz of malt liquor) ) to pour, and that improved my spirits.

As we left the bus in Playa del Carmen we tipped our tour guide and our driver. As we were walking back to the pier, a older man saw us parading and stopped and asked "where are all the women?" Laughter all around, if you can picture it. We took a bumpy ferry to the Wind, where we dropped off our stuff and went into Cozumel. We walked up and down the Malecon, which is really just a main street in Cozumel, looking at shops. Several of the shops had large rainbow signs "We welcome our RSVP customers." I did wonder how unusual it must have seemed for a small city like Cozumel to be suddenly taken over by 1,700 gay men.

Chris and I had already decided we were not buying anything, since we can do our Mexican shopping when we visit Guadalajara. The stuff on display seemed a bit expensive, especially given that we could likely find much of the stuff in Guadalajara at a better price. However, we did buy some expensive plastic cups ($2.00 for 20) at a grocery store, since we figured we would need them for drinks with our friends in the cabin a bit later in the day.

Although Chris and I had packed Vodka and Rum to host people in our cabin, we had not done that at all so far on the cruise. We decided to invite Kevin, Lucas, Rey, and Ed to come over when we got back on the ship, before the ship took off from Cozumel and before we went to see the (highly recommended) Cabaret show by Amy and Freddie. Drinks were good. We got to meet Ray, of Ed and Ray, and chat a bit. They are from Ann Arbor, where Ed is with GM and Ray is a contractor, or as he says "I’m a plumber." After drinks we headed up to the deck. Kevin and Lucas were going to the show as well, but Rey, Ed, and Ray went a different direction. We learned that Kevin and Lucas had been together 7 years and that both are 28. They own a house together in Long Beach. Kevin works for Customs at LAX and Lucas is the Asst. General Manager at the Courtyard in Irvine.

Just before the cabaret show began, the Norwegian Wind began to leave port. Docked next to the Wind was another cruise ship, the Sea Princess, of Princess Cruise Lines (=Love Boat company). As we were leaving, and still in a festive mood, a bunch of people started calling for the women on the Sea Princess to show their breasts. Again, these are gay men asking to see breasts... I am still mystified. As they called out, or just for plain fun, people were throwing beads to the other ship. There was a medium degree of success with the bead throwing, since the beads had to travel across the pier and up a couple of decks to make it. Some people did well, although, as might be expected, most gay men throw like sissies. Unfortunately there were no lesbians around to help us out. Still, you get the sense as we leave port that the people on the Princess were sad that they were not, contrary to what the advertising with Kathy Lee says, on the fun ship.

The Cabaret show was quite good. Amy is a great performer and adjusted her routine constantly according to whatever was going on in the hall, as well as the comings and goings of people in the room. She sang and joked and sold CDs with autographs. During the show we also saw James, the dance captain, with a new man. This seemed to be a common occurrence...

Since we went to the cabaret show we missed the early sitting for dinner. We had expected to go to the Sports Bar to pick up some quick food, and then run back to get seats for the late show, which was the Costume contest. Unfortunately the Sports Bar was not open, so we had to make time and try to sneak into the late seating for the Terraces for dinner. This is an incredibly inefficient way to do things.

Dinner was ok, although the notable exception was the Jerk Calamari, which was supposed to be Jamaican. As someone described it, "if you throw Calamari down, it should stay down, " and not bounce back—not exactly great. But the soups, both today and other days, were good. In addition to trying a hot tomato basil soup one night, I also tried cold soups. These included Gazpacho, Apple Walnut Cream, and Cream of Pistachio. All very nice. 

Chris ran back to the lounge to try to save enough seats for all of us, since the Costume Contest would only have one seating and people expected it to be crowded all around. Lucas, Kevin and I went to a door by the casino, and when we did not see Chris, we waited in line and got some seats as soon as the doors opened. Ray, Ed, Rey, and Russ all joined us there. Chris had been waiting on one of the back doors, and quickly seized seats closer to the front, although we also got seats in the back. What ensued was a confused conversation over several rows of seats as to which set we should keep. We finally all moved to the section closer to the front.

The costume contest included many different costumes. There were the predictable ones (How many gay men can do drag? Too many, apparently...), as well as some lewd ones with ‘anatomically correct’ appendages. One pair came in as a master and slave, and another came in the leather outfit he had worn to the leather party and the underwear party. This raised a question, though. Is it still a costume if this is what you wear ALL the time?

Some of the best costumes, for us, were the Western Wizard of Oz crew, the group who made their costumes completely from stuff from their cabin, a Gone with the Wind foursome, and Queen Elizabeth with a powdered face. We also loved the winners, a couple (Dug and Gregg) who were disguised as the Tornado in the Wizard of Oz (house rolling around on top included) and the Scarecrow with a Flying Monkey on his back holding a scarecrow arm that had been ripped off. This was the costume that won first prize ($500).  They were kind enough to send us a photo of them dressed up since we did not bring our camera to the show.   As it turns out, this couple was also on the cruise because they won it with a scaled up version of the costume at Halloween last year (Thank you Miller Lite, sponsors.) They told Chris that they spent a good part of the cruise in their cabin with a glue gun (and we hear that some of the glue even made it onto the costume!!).  

We decided not to participate with costumes, because we were falling over tired. In spite of the fact that our layer cake idea was a good one, I think we needed the rest. After the long day and the late night before, we headed to the cabin and fell asleep as soon as the contest was over (1:30am). We’ll have to keep the idea on reserve until the next time.

Friday March 10, 2000 At Sea/Key West

On Friday we made it up by 8 a.m., which meant we could go to the Terraces, our assigned restaurant, and have a sit down breakfast for the first time. This turned out to be one of the excellent food experiences we had on ship. The breakfast included Eggs Sardou, which is poached eggs (drop poached in boiling water) with spinach and artichoke hearts. It is one of the "Cooking Light" selections. The dish was yummy. I think the reason it could be so good is that so few people take breakfast at the sit down halls that the attention to the food can be better.

For breakfast we were seated with an older couple from Florida, who were retired from New Jersey. They were interesting because one of them had legally adopted the other many years before. With a ten-year age difference between them, the law allowed the adoption, and this arrangement neatly provides many of the family rights that marriage does while getting around gays' inability to marry.

After breakfast we decided to sit out on the back deck, where Ed and Ray were sitting. As we chatted, Rey joined us. The wind picked up a bit, and one of the parasols over a table started tipping over. One of the guys grabbed at it and shrieked, very ladylike. A couple of seconds later, as soon as he had control of it, he said, loud enough for all to hear "I Mean... Ohhh!" in a grunting, man-like deep voice.  His attempt at making the expression more butch brought the house down, and the people on all the decks started laughing and clapping at the impromptu performance. Our people can be sooo colorful...

Chris and I took off from the conversation. Chris was headed to play bridge for the last time and I decided to call Bryant in Key West, since strong currents were delaying our arrival until 3:30 p.m. Three minutes, twenty dollars (clarification by Chris: that was for the phone call, not any other services  Note from Gerardo: Of course not! Those other services are much more epensive!).  I then returned to the back deck and decided to catch some rays. After a couple of hours I went to lunch at the sports bar, with Ray, Rey, Russ, Richard & Ed (RRRR&E). We all agreed to meet at our cabin at 9:15 p.m., before the ship’s departure, for drinks again. After lunch a shower was in order to clear some of the oil, and Chris arrived at the cabin a bit later.

We waited for our arrival into Key West. We were already late for the arrival (about 4:00 p.m.), but there was still an additional delay because of the need for the foreign passengers to clear immigration at the port. Fortunately our PCS phone works in Key West, and we were able to call ahead and get the plan for the evening. Bryant, Steve, Jim, Jordan, and Elwin had made reservations for a Sunset cruise out of Key West, and they had added us to the list. With the delay, our ship’s new departure time gave us enough time to get back from the Sunset cruise for drinks.

While we were waiting at port we met a couple from San Diego (one wearing an athletic shirt from the Betty Ford clinic), and a couple from Castro Valley. This was another opportunity that we had to simply chat with complete strangers. Is this something that happens on every cruise? Just gay cruises? It was nice to do, nonetheless. A couple of shipwide calls later, all the foreign passengers were cleared and we were allowed to disembark.

By this time it was close to 4:30 p.m., and we were supposed to meet Bryant et al. at 5 p.m. at their Inn, the Oasis. We took off, walking a bit fast through the large crowds on the streets of Key West. I would use the phrase "throngs of people," but after Mardi Gras, the crowds in Key West seemed like a picnic. We arrived at the Oasis, and Jordan came down to meet us. Apparently Bryant was out, so we waited by the pool. A few minutes later Bryant was back. He had been waiting dockside for us, to walk us back to the Inn. We were sorry we missed him. As he said, he had been looking for a Tall Latin and a Short Red Man. We ran into the shop next door to grab sandwiches (because the sunset cruise only included cheese and crackers), and a nice dog came in with a lady and licked Bryant and Chris’ fingers.

As we make our way to the boat for the Sunset cruise we get a chance to catch up a bit on the news and eat our sandwiches. The boys are thinking about a trip to Sydney for Mardi Gras next year, and are trying to figure out if they could still do Key West if they did that. The lives we lead are so tough...

The Sunset cruise was on a small boat, and it was all male... Hmmmm.... The boat followed a route that took us by the Wind, where we waved at some of our deck mates, and by a line of Jet Skis, all of which were from our cruise as well. Lots of waving back and forth. We even waved at the Navy Seals that came by on their rubber dinghies. Some of them seemed a bit more reluctant to wave to us...  Go figure.  After the sun went down there was a short video segment for the enjoyment of the passengers, and the deckhand showed the group how well he could dance, and he also demonstrated that he is impervious to the cool evening air.

When we returned to Key West we took a taxi to the 801 bar. There was a naked party going on next door, and although we could not stay, some of the fellows wanted to join it. Bryant, Chris, and I had a drink at the 801 and then headed back to the ship. As we wandered down Duvall Street we crossed the invisible line from the Gay side to the Straight side of Key West. Interesting... There was a shop filled with Pink Flamingos, where I wanted to stop and shop, but Chris just kept on walking.

We arrived back at the Wind at 9 p.m., just in time to throw all of our belongings into the luggage, which had to be in the hallway by midnight, before our guests arrived for drinks. In order to offload the luggage, passengers use different color tags depending on what time their flights leave and whether people are going on tours. For example, because Lucas and Kevin were going on the Everglades tour, they got the early tags. Since our flight was at 4:55 p.m., we got late tags.

We had a lovely time with drinks, with Ray and Ed demonstrating a couple of card tricks and with Lucas and I trying to guess at how the trick worked. They finally had to tell us how they were doing it. At one point the cabin had Ed, Ray, Kevin, Lucas, Rey, Russ, Richard, Chris and I in it. A bit cozy for a small cabin. This evening produced a series of spills, including several Cranberry ones. So our cabin was no-smoking, but does Cranberry aroma count? Also, a bit of Michigan wine was spilled on a T-shirt, which came right out. This raises a question, if a wine does not stain, is it still a wine? Of course, this also ignores the more important question, can wine be made in Michigan?

We did not go see the departure from Key West (everyone was tired and bored), and instead we stayed talking and talking, until Chris and I felt like we needed to go to sleep (at 2:30 a.m.) if we were ever going to make our early seating for breakfast (at 6 a.m.) before disembarkation in Miami. We finally had to throw people out. We felt bad, but we ultimately felt more tired than bad...

Saturday March 11, 2000 Miami Disembarkation

We woke early, at 5:30 a.m. to make sure we had time to get to our assigned seating breakfast at the terraces. As we got up we felt the drag, drag, drag, and not even in the fabulous dress kind of way. Fortunately I knew that they could make good poached eggs, so that’s what I had. After we tipped our waiters, Salvador and Ramesh, and our Cabin Steward, Carlos, we got the last of our belongings together and moved to the Starlight Lounge, where we were to wait for instructions on when to disembark.

We were told that the disembarkation process would take a bit of time, but it seemed like we were hitting a run of bad luck this time. For example, we did not dock until 9 a.m., a couple of hours late. The luggage is processed by customs separate from the people, and this took a while. By the time the disembarkation began, many of the people going on tour had cancelled, including Lucas and Kevin, who had originally planned on taking the Everglades tour.

To keep us from revolting they popped a tape into the VCR and showed us two hours of Johnny Carson and the Tonight Show. This would have been great if, when they had to interrupt the tape, they had chosen wisely. As it was, they paused it to tell us something when a dog was climbing a pole (God forbid we should miss that!), but they let it run in the background when Roseanne was doing her monologue. Sheesh...Okay, so the joke about the woman who wanted pasta dinners for sex was funny. She was not a prostitute, she was a pastatute.

Finally, at 11 a.m. Lucas and Kevin were called to disembark. Although they had cancelled their tour, their luggage was part of the early luggage. We agreed to meet outside. When, after 30 minutes, only one more tag color had been called, we phoned them on the cellular and told them to head into Miami Beach, that we would catch up. A few minutes later a cruise person came by to tell us that we could disembark: apparently the PA system stopped working at some point in the morning. We rushed out, got our bags, packed the last of the toiletries and stuff, and quickly headed for the taxi line. At this point the line was about 45 minutes long. As we got there, our phone rang. Lucas and Kevin had just gotten a cab at the front of the line, and they asked where we were. In a kind-of-fun series of maneuvers, we loaded our stuff into their cab, and off we went. This is what technology is all about.

We got to the Holiday Inn in South Beach, where we wanted to store our luggage for three hours while we grabbed lunch and wandered around. At first the Concierge did not want to do it, because we were not guests, but then Lucas discreetly (well, not too discreetly) flashed him a ten, and our bags went into the closet. It pays to know the ropes.

We wandered for a bit and ended up at a Peruvian restaurant, where the waitresses did not speak English, there was no non-smoking area, and the food was just a bit weird. We had the Ceviche, and then I had The Beef Dish. Not too bad. We tried Colombian Soft Drinks (looked like Sunkist, tasted like Cream Soda), and Kevin told us how drugs could be smuggled into the US using aluminum containers (like the soft drink ones) as a cover.

After lunch we walked back to the Holiday Inn via a flea market, retrieved our luggage, and headed to the airport. We left Kevin and Lucas at their gate, waiting for their flight to Los Angeles, while we boarded for DFW. The trip home was uneventful, although we did sit next to a fellow cruiser who was going home to Omaha, and next to a woman from a Christian Fellowship Group who kept looking over in our direction. I waved back a couple of times.

Dallas had a temperature of 55 F, so the first thing we did was break out the jackets... Home again, home again...