SURDARJI JOKES

Sardarji applying for a Job

Three men were all applying for the same job as a detective. One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. Rather than ask the standard questions during the interview, the chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer.

When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked," Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation" The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left.

When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left.

When the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the exact same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, "Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said, "OK, but get back to me tomorrow."

When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How did the interview go?" He replied, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder!"

2400 Km

 The doctor told the sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would lose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, the sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem." What's the problem?" asked the doctor. "I'm 2400 km from home."

Dead Bird

A sardar and a american were walking outside when the american said
 "Oh, look at the dead bird."
The sardar looked skyward and said "Where, where?

Sardars: A traveler & a TC

A sardar is traveling via train. On his way, he feels the urge to go to the bathroom. So he goes and opens the bathroom door, which happens to have a mirror in the front. The sardar thinks there is another sardar bhai in there, quickly shuts the door and returns to his seat.

5 minutes later he goes again, only to find the same sardar bhai. An hour passes away, he's made 20 trips to the bathroom, only to find that the same person is still there. So he finally gets ticked off, goes to the last compartment and tells the TC (Ticket Checker)

What's been going on. The TC, who also happens to be a sardar, feels bad for him and promises to throw the bum out.

The TC walks down to the compartment with the troubled bathroom to get the sardar bhai out of the bathroom.Few minutes later the TC comes back and tell the sardar "I'm sorry, I can't do anything. The guy in there is a railway staff member"

Lie Detector

 An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test alie detector. The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer".
 BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector. "Ok", he says, "10
 bottles". And the machine is silent.

 The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers". BUZZZZZZ, goes
the  lie detector. "Allright, 8 hamburgers". And the machine's silent.

 The Sardarji says:"I think...", BUZZZZZZ goes the machine!

Letter by sardarji mom

Vahe Guru.

I am in a well here and hoping you in the same well there. I'm writing this
letter slowly, because I know you read fast.

We donot live where did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that
most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles.

I wont be able tosend the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the
house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change
their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier
address plate here, so that our address will remain same too.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above
the commode. I am not sure it works. Last week I put 3 shirts , pulled the chain
and havent seen them nice.

The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time
it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

The coat you wanted me to send you. Your aunt said it would be a little too
heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put
them in the pocket.

Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass
at the cementery.

Your uncle, Jitendra fell in a the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out,
but he fuought them off bravery and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for
three days.
There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened..

P.S : beta I was going to send you some money but by time I realized, I had
already sealed off this letter.

Ring

The sardarni asks her lover, "santa dear, if we get engaged, will you give me a ring?".

"Sure", replies santa. "What's your phone number."

Nice Reply

In a party one of Santa Singh's friends asked him how many chappathis he could eat in an empty stomach. Santa replied "Seven". His friend asks him, "When you eat the first chappathi your stomach is no longer empty. Then how can you eat seven??"
Impressed by this tricky question, Santa as soon as he goes back home asks his wife, "How many chappathis can you eat in an empty stomach??" She says "Five"
Santa, "If only you had told seven I had a nice reply for it."

Cassate

Santa Singh and Banta Singh were sitting on a tree and Santa Singh was singing a song. After 4 songs Santa Singh hung himself upside down and started singing again.
Banta Singh : Santa Singh, what is the matter with you? Why are you hanging upside down?
Santa Singh : I am singing the B side.

What's the time?

Surdarji :"What's the time?"
MAN: "It's 3:15."
Surdarji: (puzzled look on his face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

Sign of a Sardar

You should be sure the person is Sardar when he puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to makeup his mind. gets stabbed in a shoot-out. sends a fax with a postage stamp on it. tries to drown a fish in waters. thinks socialism means partying. trips over a cordless phone. takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept. At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he puts "Sagittarius." studies for a blood test and fails. sells the car for gas money. misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead. drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and goes home. gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.

Sardar fills forms


One great day in Bombay, a couple were on a honeymoon tour. They saw one sardarji in front of a hospital (Breach Candy) was trying to fill some form. So the couple enquired eagerly "What are you doing ?" Sardarji replied that I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form.

The couple as per schedule, took the Bombay to Delhi Flight for their next destination. On the next day, they find the same Sardarji, in front of Lal Qilla in Delhi filling the same form. So once again young couple curiously asked - "What are you doing here ?" Sardarji once again replied I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form. The couple said but sardarji yesterday you were in Bombay filling the same form, how come you're in Delhi?

Sardarji cooly replied It is written here - "FILL IN CAPITALS"

Free Gift

Banta Singh rushed back angrily to the grocery shop from where he had purchased a packet of butter a few minutes ago. "Where is my free gift?" he shouted at the shopkeeper. "But Sir, there is no free gift on the purchase of butter." The shopkeeper answered politely. "Don't fool me," replied Banta, "it is clearly written on the packet of the butter 'Cholesterol free'".

Exam

Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination which consists of Y/N type questions.
He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Y for Heads and N for Tails. Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out.
During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
"Oye, I finished the exam in half an hour". "But yaar", he says, "I am rechecking my answers and am not able to tally them with what I wrote."

Surdarji Freedom Fighters

Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were planning for free Punjab.

Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh..we'll get Punjab from India but how would we develop it?" That was a difficult question indeed.

Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No problem! we'll attack USA, it would take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we'll automatically get developed."

All the surds became happy on this very simple solution but an old surd did not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The surd replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ?????"

Upar Pakado

A Sardar is travelling in a DTC bus in Delhi. It's a busy day and our Sardarji is roughing it out, standing up in the aisle and all. In his right hand is his briefcase (which appears to contain some valuables), with his left he is grabbing on to the railing for dear life. The conductor approaches him for a ticket. The Sardar who doesn't have a free hand to pull out his wallet gives the conductor a helpless look. The conductor reaches out for the Sardar's briefcase in an effort to help him out.
"nahin! tum upar pakdo" says the Sardar clutching onto his briefcase .

Santa Sing & a shop

Santa Singh goes into an electrical goods store, you know one of these stores that sells fridges, TVs etc. Santa walks up to the salesman, points and says, "I want to buy this TV." The salesman say, "Sorry, we do not sell anything to surds." So Santa goes away and comes back two hours later after having a haircut, points and says, "I want to buy this TV." The salesman once again replies, "Sorry, we do not sell anything to surds." Santa goes away again and comes back two hours later with his beard and moustache also shaved, points, and says, "I want to buy this TV". The salesman once again replies, "Sorry, we do not sell anything to surds, Why are you wasting your and my time? Don't come back in the shop again!"

Santa says sheepishly, "OK, you do not sell to Surds. But tell me how did you figure out that I was a surd even after I had shaved my hair, moustache and beard.

The salesman replied, "Because that TV you want to buy is actually a microwave oven."

Kidnapping Sardar

There was a Sardarji who was down on his luck. In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him," I've kidnapped you." The Sardarji then wrote a note saying: "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag & put it beneath the mango tree next to the slide on the north side of the city playground". Signed, "A Sardarji"
The Sardarji then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the Sardarji checked, and sure enough a paper bag was sitting beneath the mango tree. The Sardarji opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note saying, "How could you do this to a fellow Sardarji?!"

Chess, Santa & Kasparov

Santa Singh is Flying from Moscow to Delhi. To his surprise, sitting right beside him is Gary Kasporov, the world Chess Champion. Santa has always been in awe of Chess players, and immediately starts up a conversation with Gary about the Nuances of the Game etc. Gary says ... "How would You like to Play me for $ 500/ US"?
Santa: "But you're too damn good".
Gary: "I'll play left handed".
Santa cant resist the bet and accepts. Kasparov, Check Mates our Sardar in 8 Moves .......
Santa is still scratching his head, as he leaves the airplane. Upon Reaching Amritsar, Santa tells Banta about the game he had with Kasparov.
Banta: "Tu bhi pura buddhu hai Santa". (You're an absolute fool Santa)
Santa: "kyon" (why)?
Banta: "Abe bewakoof ........ Gary Kasparov Khabbu hai". (You stupid, Gary Kasparov IS a lefty, no wonder he beat you left handed).

Punjabi and Bengali patriotism

A Punjabi Sardar and a Bengali Babu were talking about their State's patriotic history during the freedom struggle. The debate heated up and both ended up claiming that their state had the maximum number of freedom fighters. They finally agreed on a method to find which of the states had more freedom fighters. Each person would say the name of a freedom fighter from his state and pull one hair out of his opponents head.
Both of them began earnestly. "Bhagat Singh" said the Sardar and pulled one hair from the Bengali. "Netaji" said the Bengali and did the same.
They continued like this for some time, but sardarji soon exhausted all known freedom fighters. The Bengali, however, was very clever. He used Sardar's ignorance and reeled off a lot of imaginary names. The Punjabi was stuck. He did not know any more Punjabi freedom fighter's name.
He thought deeply for a moment, jumped on the Bengali's head and pulled all his hair out shouting - "JallianWala Bagh".