| Aries - (March 21-April 19) Playing a nasty prank on your boss today may get you fired, but go for it anyway. Romantic partner parts ways after a long argument. Tonight, keep a gun nearby. |
| Gemini - (May 21-June 21) Family matters require immediate attention but pay no heed: they hate you anyway. why look for romance when no one in the world will love you? |
| Leo - (July 23-August 22) If you're in a journey, forget home because you may never see it again. Nothing will give you more pleasure than stealing from a foreign land. |
| Virgo - (August 23-September 22) WHen was the last time you had a fist fight or a hair-pulling fight? This is just the perfect day for it. Go get a Gemini. You may break a limb or two but do it for the sake of it. I hate Gemini. |
| Taurus - (April 20-May 20) A female fellow-worker you fancy is not what she seems to be. She's male. Renting a horror movie seems okay for tonight. Beware of an Aries dog. |
| Scorpio - (October 24-November 21) Someone's been pulling your leg thinking you've got only one. Kick them with the other one. Beware of a crow with a sharp beak. |
| Sagittarius - (November 22-December 21) No matter how hard you try, your not going to pass that test. So why lose hope? Consider cheating and you could be successful. |
| Capricorn - (December 22-January 19) A friend's demise may put you off a bit, but have a heart, it's only a living -- not. At a party tonight, a nice pair of shoes might attract a nice pair of feet. |
| Aqarius - (January 20-February 18) If you're going out with a Leo this evening, don't. Money matters hit rock bottom. Begging at a traffic signal may come in handy. |
| Pisces - (February 19-January 20) You are luckier than you think you are. If you've been waiting to kill someone, this is the day. Propose to the first Cancer you see or hear from today. |
| Libra - (September 23-October 23) Fear nothing but fear itself. If you must then you should. This could mean anything. Nothing is indeed better than anything. If you don't want to, you must. We're not supposed to understand these things anyway. |
| Your Friendly "Horrorscope" |
| This horoscope is updated weekly, and i will try my best to update it every week as soon as possible |
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| Cancer - (June 22-July 22) Accept a proposal from a Pisces today. It may not be easy, but you never know because I'm a Pisces myself. And your a sweetheart! Very biased this i know. |