I couldn't admit to Jun what had taken me forever to admit to myself. It was insane for me to even harbor such feelings. Yet...still they roamed. I hated myself for that. The next night I had a drink with Jo, the both of us sitting at a bar as he sipped some of his drink and held a cigarette in the same hand. His hair was tied up again, bangs falling around his face. He wore his jeans and a sweatshirt, the sleeves rolled up as he smoked. I had a drink with him, tempted to ask him for a cigarette since he had his pack sitting on the counter near his hand. I tucked my hair behind my ears as I said,

"Jo?"

"Hm?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

He set his drink down, rubbing out the last of his cigarette as he turned slightly towards me. I set my glass down as I looked over at him and said,

"Did you know about Furukawa and myself?"

"I had an inkling. I didn't pry though. It wasn't any of my business."

"It was something of a beginning. I stopped it though."

"Can I ask why?"

"I said it was because I didn't like what I saw when I saw all of him."

"What's the real reason?"

"I'm not really sure."

He nodded as he asked the bar tender for another as he then said,

"I know there's a reason. You just don't wanna say it because you're not use to tellin anyone how you feel. That's okay. I'm not gonna force it because again, it's none of my business. Just be clear with yourself. Because it's you that's gotta deal with it in the end."

It was the most insightful thing I had ever heard. I picked up the last of my drink as I said,

"Thanks Jo."

He nodded as he picked up his cigarettes and opened it as he offered me one. I took it as he lit it for me and then we turned back to our drinks.

I knew what I wanted but I didn't feel right settling. Who was I to be Toki's second best? He said he didn't rank us...but all the same, I looked at him and thought I'm nothing but his second best. His rebound, his middle point...and it's all I'll ever be. Furukawa...he was different. I knew he was. Why was I doing this to myself? I always asked this to myself and I knew the answer. Because Toki was always going to be around me and I could never fully get him out of my system. When I got home I paced in my room for a while, chewing on my thumbnail as I thought over and over. Finally I picked up my phone and dialed as I sat down on my bed and listened to it ringing. Then he answered.

"I didn't think you would ever call."

"I wanted to."

"I'm glad you did."

"I was thinking about you."

"What did I do this time?"

"Stupid fox."

He laughed slightly as I then said,

"Come over."

"Are you serious?"

"Are you going to make me take it back by questioning it?"

"No, I'll be there soon."

We hung up and I awaited Furukawa's visit. When he did arrive, I opened the door, still in my khakis and white button down as I invited him inside and closed the door behind him. He wore all black, his coat, falling to his knees, thin for the cooling night, the long sleeves of his button down under it serving their purpose. He took off the coat, shaking his head out slightly, all that black messy hair falling around his face, past his shoulders and over his eyes slightly. He set his coat on my sofa as he toed off his Italian cap dress shoes as I then waited for him to look at me. Once he did, I walked over to him and stood in front of him as he looked at me. We both waited for one of us to say something. Naturally, he did first.

"How have you been?"

I reached for his wrists and made him put his arms around me as I got closer to him, hugging him as I said,

"Busy."

"So I hear. How was Hong Kong?"

"You really want to talk to me about work?"

He sighed as he said,

"I'm not sure what else to say."

"Tell me why you came here."

"You invited me."

"And yet you came though I haven't spoken to you in a while, I haven't returned your calls and brushed you off so easily before?"

"You did say I was a stupid fox."

I smiled slightly, hiding my face in his chest as he put his hand on the top of my head as he held me a little tighter and said,

"I missed you. I missed you a lot."

His fingers brushed over my cheek as I looked up at him and saw his eyes. His dark, sometimes feral eyes had softened for me again as I said,

"I missed you too."

Kazuki spent the night in my apartment. He slept beside me like before as I held my head up that morning, looking at him as his hair fell over his face, a peaceful look on his features. My own hair fell around the mattress and pillows, over my shoulder as I admired him again. I smiled slightly, keeping it to myself as Kazuki then woke up. He yawned as he rubbed his eyes, sweeping his hair back as he reached over to my face and said,

"Good morning Yuurei."

"Good morning."

I leaned over him, resting on him carefully as we kissed. It felt new again, satisfying in a way as I moved back. His fingers ran through my hair as he smiled at me and he said,

"You want some breakfast?"

"You gonna order out again?"

He laughed as he said,

"I will if you agree to stay here with me all day."

"All day? I have never stayed in bed all day."

"Learn to."

So I gave it a shot. We ordered take out and spent most of that day in bed, his arms around me for the most part as I stayed in and out of sleep. As I slept, I was woken up by his mouth on my neck, his fingers touching my throat as I sighed and opened my eyes to see him. He looked at me, dark hair falling over his eyes as he said,

"Hey you. You left me."

"Sorry."

"No need to be. I enjoyed waking you."

"Stupid fox."

He leaned down, our mouths touching. It was then the atmosphere suddenly changed. It suddenly got more intimate and it was a feeling I only felt with Toki. The kiss deepened, mouths open to each other as my arms laid to my side, his own hands still on my throat. I felt the tips of his fingers at the button of my shirt as he slowly undid it and for the first time, his fingers came in contact with the flesh of my body. I gasped softly as he moved back suddenly and said,

"I'm sorry."

He pulled his hair back and started getting off me as I pulled him back and said,

"Don't treat me like I'm made of glass."

I pulled him back down to continue kissing him, his fingers going back to my shirt as he started undoing it the rest of the way. His palms touched the side of my ribcage, his fingers tucking under my body as he moved them back up, feeling the ridges of my stomach. He moved back, as he kissed my throat, nipping softly as I maintained my breathing, feeling him move. I reached up to his hair, softly pulling it back so I could see his face as he moved down, kissing my collarbones with tender adoration and then reached my chest. He kissed me again as he said,

"You're so soft."

I didn't say anything but I saw his eyes look up at me as he crawled back up kissing me again as he tucked his arm under me, his other hand on my stomach as I brought my other hand around his shoulders and continued kissing him back. It was escalating, I felt it the heat between us rising as his hand toyed around with the button of my khakis. Once it came undone, I stopped kissing back as he moved back. We both panted, breathing hard as he said,

"Too far?"

I shook my head no but I was visibly tense. I looked at him for a while before I brought my own hand to my khakis and undid the zipper for him. I looked back up at him as he said,

"You're sure?"

I nodded as he put his hand back on my stomach and kissed me again before going to my throat. His hand slipped inside my pants as I closed my eyes, parting my lips and breathing a little harder then before. It was the first person aside from Toki to ever touch me so intimately and it was new. He lifted his head up as he looked at me, watching me as I saw his eyes had darkened with lust. I was wrong when I said I saw all sides of him...I had yet to see this side of him. I struggled to keep my eyes open as I watched him. He kissed my cheek, kissing the corner of my mouth as I closed my eyes, grasping onto his shirt as I felt the impending climax reaching. His knee was between my legs, his mouth near my ear as he then lifted his head up and watched me as I reached orgasm. I closed my eyes, catching my breath as I finally opened my eyes and looked at him. He kissed my ear, his hand still in its original place as he said,

"You look so beautiful."

I unclasped my hands from his shirt as I pulled my hair back, feeling my hair being damp from sweat as I sighed. He kissed me once more as he said,

"You okay?"

I nodded as he finally moved his hand as he sat up and got out of bed as he went to my bathroom. I continued laying there, still dressed though now a mess. He came back as he got back in bed, putting his arms around me as I said,

"I'm a mess."

"So?"

He kissed me again and again as I kissed him back, suppressing my smile. I checked my clock sitting on the night stand as I said,

"It's only five."

He looked over as he said,

"So it is."

"So we have spent all day in bed."

He nodded as he sat up and I said,

"You want to do something?"

"Do you?"

"Not really. I'm spent."

He hugged me as I said,

"How are you?"

"I'm fine."

"You sure?"

He nodded, dark hair spilling over his eyes as I reached up to his hair, pulling it back as we met for another kiss when my phone rang. I sighed, reaching over as I picked up my phone and answered.

"Mikkie, I wanted to talk to you."

"Oh...hey Jun."

"I'm sorry I pried yesterday. I didn't mean to. I know it's unlike me."

"Forget it. I'm over it."

"Good. You doing anything tonight?"

"Why?"

"I got invited to go to the Kabuki-Cho with the trio for a poker game. You wanna come?"

"No, it's okay. I'm still somewhat tired."

"You sure? It's not till ten."

"Oh....I guess so then. Pick me up at ten."

"Okay, see you then."

I hung up as Kazuki looked at me and said,

"Going out?"

"Poker game at ten with my associates."

He nodded as he said,

"That's fine. You have down time right?"

I nodded as he held me close to him.

"Then I'll have a chance to spend more time with you."

I nodded as we spent the rest of the day like that.

By nine thirty, Kazuki was getting up and getting ready to leave. He ran his hand through his hair, still leaving it messy as he buttoned his shirt back up and tucked it back in his pants. I got up, wanting to take a shower once he left. I buttoned my khakis up, throwing my hair over my shoulder as I walked him to the door. He got his coat on, then his shoes as he leaned over to me and kissed me once more as he said,

"I'll see you later."

I nodded as he opened the door and left. I then went to get ready. By ten at night I was rushing to blow dry the rest of my hair, black strands of hair flying all over the place as my blow drier lifted them up. I had my eyes closed as I moved the drier around, ruffling my hair around as I tried to get it as dry as I could. I got my shoes on as I walked around and finished getting ready. I turned off the drier, setting it on my dresser as I picked up my brush, smoothed out my hair and then tied it half up and half down. I picked up my coat pulling it on as I heard my door and I went to answer it. Jun stood there, his dark gray suit on with a black shirt underneath as he said,

"You ready?"

"One moment."

I went back to my room as I put my watch on and checked my ears for my usual hoops as I then left, shutting off the lights as I went out with Jun.

The game of poker was the usual game. Aoki, Akio and Toki sat around a table, having drinks as girls and young boys too young to even be at a bar all sat around them. Jun and I sat at the table, the trio all dressed up and decked out in their usual best as they all had cigarettes in their hands, glasses already stacked around them. Aoki greeted us as Jun said,

"You think it's wise for you to be up and around after your injury?"

Aoki scoffed as he tapped his cigarette against the ashtray and said,

"I'm fine. It's just a cigarette and a drink."

"You were shot."

"I lived. That's the point."

Toki nodded as he said with a smirk,

"Damn straight. He can't bed ridden all day. Unless Aya was the one ridding him there."

Akio laughed as Aoki shook his head, laughing slightly as Jun said,

"All right come on. Let's get this game started."

Aoki cut the cards as we began to play. Drinks came and went as Jun and I soon had our own glasses around us as we played, setting out yen to play with. I set my glass down as I called for another card and soon Akio had to fold. Toki stayed in much longer then I expected before he too folded. I thought I would have to fold next, so I traded in two of my cards, hoping for some luck. Then I got it and Jun had to fold. Aoki and I were the last two playing, the girls hanging around Akio and Toki the most. Toki lit a cigarette, leaning back in his chair as he watched us play. Akio was sweet talking to some girl as Aoki and I concentrated on the game. I wondered just how long we could keep this up as he traded on card and began to raise the stakes higher.

"Fifteen yen."

"I'll see your fifteen. Raise you twenty."

"I'll see your twenty...and raise you thirty."

I was wondering if he was bluffing or if he did have that a good a hand. It was almost impossible to read Aoki's face. I decided to risk it and threw out the rest of my yen as I said,

"I call."

Aoki rested his hand out as I saw he won. Toki laughed as he clapped slightly, Akio nodded as he said,

"Aoki won all on his own this time."

Jun sighed as he said,

"Thought you won for sure."

"So did I." I said.

Aoki picked up his winnings as he said,

"I finally beat you Jun."

"Seems like. Aya taught you?"

"Yup."

"I should play against Aya."

Aoki stacked his winnings as he bought us a round of drinks and we decided to play again.

We played for a few hours and around the time it was four, I yawned as I pushed away my last glass of gin as I said,

"Okay, I fold. I'm exhausted."

I set my cards down, standing up as I put my coat back on, buttoning the front as I said good night to Jun and then to everyone else. Toki put out his cigarette as he said,

"Imma go too. I'll see you guys later."

He and Aoki said bye to each other, Akio and him kissed on the cheek as he said bye to Jun and followed me out. Once we were outside, he said,

"No cabs this time of night. Last train left already."

"I can walk."

He walked beside me as I saw what he was wearing, his black, baggy dress pants on and a regular suit coat, nothing on underneath it as he wore a black nylon cap on his head, blonde bangs falling around his face. It was quiet for about two blocks before he said,

"You okay?"

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Looks like you got something on your mind."

I shook my head and kept walking. The walk was long and took a half hour but I was use to walking long distances from work. Once I got to my apartment, I turned to Toki as I said,

"Thanks for walking with me."

"Anytime."

He leaned to kiss me but I backed away. He looked at me as he said,

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Then why you back away from me like that?"

I looked down slightly, before I said,

"I'm seeing Furukawa again."

He backed away slightly as he said,

"Why?"

"Because I need to get over you. This thing, we both know it's never going to work."

"Damn what do you want form me?"

"I already told you want I want from you. It's the one thing you can't come through with. So what should I do Toki? Sit around and wait for you? Wait until you need something else to amuse you before you come around me again?"

"I already told you it aint like that."

"It is and you know it. I can't go through with you over and over again. Just leave it alone. Leave me alone."

"I'm jus suppost to back away nice an easy. Jus like that huh?"

"You did it before."

"Shows how well that worked. I came back to you. I always come back to you. I still love you."

I sighed, pulling my bangs back from my face as I said,

"We can't work like this. Stop turning my life into a drama."

"Tell me you want me to leave you alone. Look me in the eye and tell me you want me to leave you alone. Mean it."

He stepped closer to me again, leaning down slightly as he got in my face, his nose pressed against mine as he made me stare into his eyes. I tried backing away but he only followed. I stared back a him and tried to harden as I usually did. I could control myself. I did it a hundred times before. So I swallowed hard and opened my mouth as I said,

"I...I want you...to..."

His mouth pressed to mine as he kissed me and sighed, kissing back as he said,

"Tell me."

He kept kissing me but giving me the chance to speak as I found I couldn't say it. When he backed away, giving me slightly more space then before as he said,

"Go ahead."

I closed my eyes as I said,

"You won't give me the chance."

"How come?"

"Because...I still..."

I wanted to confess yet I didn't. He understood and kissed my lips once more as he said,

"I still love you too."

I felt his fingers under my chin as he said,

"I'll give you some space. It's all I can give you now."

I nodded as he let me go as he turned and went to walk home as I went to my apartment.