Toki was angry. But Toki was angry in the sense that he wasn't telling anyone he was angry which just made it worse. When Jia sensed Toki was angry, he did his best not to set it off and make it worse. Of course that was never the case with those two. Toki was angry for the rest of the day that we were at Jia's building. We later heard them have it out in Jia's office and instead of Toki coming out angry as all hell like he usually does, Jia did. Jia left without another word, going out, hailing a cab and disappearing into Tokyo. That could have been a problem if we had enemies. Of course, the possibility of them being out there all ran in our minds and we all called the top heads in to let them know that Jia had vanished. I would have gone up to see Toki since he didn't come back downstairs, but I waited until Aoki and Akio got there. Both of them looked at me to explain what happened as they went upstairs to get Toki, the rest of us, headed out into the city to find Jia.

My first initial reaction was to call Jia's cell phone. I had a feeling he wouldn't answer so I wasn't sure if I should. Then I thought of seeing him at his apartment, but if I know Jia like I know Jia, then my oyabun was out in the city somewhere. I walked around for a few hours, all of us separated to cover more ground since only the top heads knew of Jia's disappearance. As it got darker, I knew it would be more likely possible that Jia would go get drunk somewhere. Problem was, there were so many bars and places Jia could be, it was almost impossible to decided where to start. I then called Jo as I near Shinjuku. Once he answered, I said,

"Jo, what's the name of the bar Jia owns in Shinjuku?"

"The Golden Gai?"

"That's it."

"Is he there?"

"I'm about to go check. I'll call if anything."

I hung up with him as I went inside and looked around. I was about to give up and try somewhere else when I saw Jia at the bar. He had his head down, a glass in his hands as he sat there motionless. I walked over to him as the bar tender looked at me, then remembered my face as he said,

"He's drunk."

"I thought so."

I sat beside Jia as he kept his head down, his eyes closed, most of his face hidden by his dark hair.

"How much has he had?"

"About...three of those."

The glass was larger then normal and Jia's hand still clung to it, less then half of it filled.

"What did he have?"

"Sake. Some of the best."

I sighed as I waved the bar tender off and looked at Jia for a while. I thought to myself, what did Toki do or say this time to drive you to this? Again, I realized how much we both had in common, seeing how brutal words broke us on the inside...especially if they came from Toki. Jia eventually picked his head up, opening his eyes carefully as he groaned and started sitting up. He rubbed his eyes, his hair falling over his face as he said,

"How'd you find me?"

"Took a couple of hours."

He took a drink from his glass as I said,

"Jia..."

He finished the glass without stopping as he then slammed it down and said,

"No offense Mikkie but you're really the last person I wanna see."

"What did I do?"

I was genuinely confused.

He looked at me, eyes glassed over from drinking too much, red around the corners as he said,

"You know what you did."

"I swear I don't know."

"You existed. That's enough."

His words were cruel and spiteful and against my will I flinched back as if he had thrown acid on me. I had never heard Jia be so angry with me before...not even when I broke orders did I sense such anger and even hatred from him. I didn't know what to say as he ordered another drink. I wanted to leave but my sense of duty told me to stay. I couldn't leave my employer here...in his state. God knows someone might find him and be lucky. I turned away however and I felt my face burn with embarrassment or shame I wasn't sure. I hung my head to let my hair cover it, I didn't want anyone to notice it. Jia took out his cigarettes, lighting one and leaving his case on the table as he sighed, realizing he didn't have a lighter. He called the bar tender over and had his cigarette lit as he said,

"Where's everyone else?"

"I haven't called them yet. Excuse me."

I got away from the bar as I called Jo on my phone and let him know I found him.

"Hey was there?"

"Hai...he's here. Maybe you should come pick him up."

"You're there. Just take him home."

"He's........he's not entirely pleased with my presence. Come pick him."

"Ah...sou ka. I'll be there soon."

We hung up as I kept my distance from Jia after that. I watched anyone that approached him and kept my eye on the door for Jo at the same time. After about half an hour, Jo arrived and saw me first.

"Where is he?"

"At the bar. I'll see you later."

"Is he mad at you?"

"I think so. I'll call everyone else to let him know he's found."

Jo nodded as I then walked outside and called Jun to let him know. Then I called Akio and let them take care of the rest. I then left after that now that Jo had him.

I got home and changed, trying not to let Jia's words get to me. I couldn't understand why he was so angry with me. Maybe because I said I would keep whatever Furukawa and I had out of his building and I didn't. But...it had to be more then that for Jia to sneer at my very presence. I felt bad and I wish I knew what I could do to remedy the situation. For the time being, I just wanted to stay out of Jia's line of vision. Around two that morning, I heard someone knock on my door. Luckily I was still awake, not tired from my earlier events as I got up from my sofa and went to the door. I had my gun in my robe pocket just in case as I did a quick check seeing it was Toki. I was also worried about facing him. I opened the door after I put the safety back on my gun and invited him inside. He took a few steps in as I closed the door behind him. He then said,

"What's with you and Furukawa?"

"Nothing. He has an interest me."

"And you?"

"I don't know."

"What you mean you don't know?"

"Am I suppost to know just like that Toki? Besides, even if I did what's it to you?"

"What I don't mean jack shit in this?"

"Why should you? You have Jia, you have your late evenings and that's all you pretty much need. Why do you want to drag me into this again?"

"Damn! You haven't been hearin a word I'm sayin to you!"

"What am I suppost to be listening to?"

"That I still love you!"

"You say that to Jia too!"

I shouted. I didn't mean to but...it happens only around him. He stared at me for a moment as he said,

"I mean it when I say it both times."

"It can't work that way Toki. You gotta love one or the other. And no matter what happens, Jia wins in the end. You need to stop toying with me."

He sighed, turning his head away for a moment as I said,

"This...this whole thing. It's like a war. We go back and forth everytime. And Toki I never win. You don't really understand what you've done to me."

"You never tell me."

"I never want to feel it again."

I leaned back against the door as he looked up at the ceiling and brought his arms up, as he said,

"God...now you got Furukawa."

"I don't have him. I could, but that's another story. I don't think I can handle being emotionally bankrupt again."

"You're so dramatic."

"You should talk. Besides...you shouldn't even care what or who I do."

"Why shouldn't I?"

"Why do you?"

"Cuz.....I love you."

I leaned my head back against the door as I said,

"Stop saying that."

"Why? It's the truth."

I picked up my head as I felt myself slide down to the floor as I pulled my hair back from my face. I then said,

"That's why Jia is mad at me."

"He's mad at you?"

"I went to look for him with everyone else once he ran out of the building when you two argued. I found him and he said he didn't want to see me. When I asked him, he said I knew. I didn't so I told him and he said I existed. It was enough."

I looked back up at him as he walked over to me and knelt down in front of me.

"He doesn't hate you."

"It wouldn't matter if he did. He wouldn't fire me...but on a personal level, he can't stand the sight of me. Because...because of you. Because you still love me and he knows."

I gave a deep sigh as Toki sat back on the floor. He then said,

"So what now?"

"I don't know. I'm not good with this. I just know how to do my job."

"Maybe we should run away together."

I laughed. I actually gave a laugh as I shook my head. I then looked at him as I said,

"That is the dumbest thing you ever said."

"I know. Worth it just to see you smile."

I leaned my head back against the door again as I said,

"This has got to stop. Toki...stay with Jia. You two are...everything to each other."

"And you?"

"Don't worry about me. Wouldn't be the first time I'm alone."

"Damn Ghosto...why you gotta say it like that?"

"Because it's true. Just...you gotta leave me behind. You have Jia, stop being so greedy."

"I can't help it."

I let my knees straighten out as I dropped my hands to the floor. I looked a Toki who sat in front of me, legs open, his arms holding him up as he looked at me.

"You gonna get with Furukawa?"

"It would work to put myself in Jia's good graces again."

"And me?"

"You have Jia, I told you."

"Thas gonna kill me...seein you with someone else."

"Feel my pain."

I saw him look sad for a moment as he started getting up. I got up with him as he said,

"Aite...we'll do this. Call it good bye again."

"You said it the first time."

"I know."

"Let me get a kiss."

"No. Leave it like this."

"Just one. Is all I'm asking."

I nodded and he leaned down slightly, his mouth near mine as he waited for me to turn. This time, I did and met his lips. Lips, tongue all softly pressing against mine as his hands cupped my face. His fingers curled in my hair as we kissed, old memories beating down on the door of my mind as I fell. I blissfully fell down the spiral that was only him. The only one I've ever known. How I'd once fallen for him so hard I shattered when I landed...it reopened old wounds. I felt I couldn't breathe after a moment and I broke the kiss, his mouth still pressing against mine for a series of quick, tender kisses. I met him half way, damning my height as I stood up straight as held onto his wrists to kiss him better. When it was done, he leaned down to my height again, his forehead against mine as he licked his lips. I could see deeply into his eyes as he then sighed and said,

"Bye Ghosto."

I closed my eyes for a moment before I looked back at him and said,

"Good bye Toki."

He let go, his hands sliding from my hair, from my face, all warmth going with him as he got to my door, opened it and left, closing it behind him with one small click. I stood there for a while, reliving what just happened as I then turned to the door and locked it before I went back to my room for a few hours of sleep.

I found I couldn't sleep, however. My heart was racing so fast, even after he left. My mind speeding along side it as I felt I couldn't breathe. I was suffocating and I didn't know why. I couldn't breathe....I couldn't breathe. I got up from my bed as I went to the window and opened it, feeling the cooling spring breeze rush me, blowing back my hair in a rush as I took a deep breath. My throat felt tight and it was hard to swallow. After standing in front of the window for a while, I went to the kitchen and sat on the counter for a while, drinking some tea. I suddenly realized what was wrong with me. I felt empty all over again.

I stayed in my apartment for a few days after that. Only when Jun called did I dare to venture out. And once out, Jun saw something was wrong with me. I felt as if I had fallen back to before I had ever met Toki. I was eighteen, nineteen years old, not a care in the world, void of all feeling, empty of anything but my one need...to do my job. Jun saw that. He said nothing though. There wasn't much he could say at this point. As for Furukawa, when he tried to advance the next time, I let him. We saw each other more often and he no longer annoyed me, but he saw I was more lifeless then before. Even when he did try to annoy me, he couldn't get a rise out of me. I felt nothing. We were walking through Hibiya Park one evening, watching as the last of the sakura blossoms fell as he said,

"You died."

I turned and looked at him as I said,

"Nani?"

"You died. You're more lifeless then when I met you."

I shrugged as we kept walking. He grabbed my wrist for a moment as he said,

"Why? I look at you and I see nothing. Nothing can make you even angry. What happened?"

"Nani mo."

He sighed as he let me go and said,

"You're just so.....dead. It's like playing with a doll."

"There are enough dolls in the syndicate. I simply do what I am told."

"Like an object. A fuck toy. A little play thing for someone's amusement. If I wanted that I would pay a whore."

"I'm not an instrument for your pleasure. I just don't care anymore."

"So if you didn't care I could make you my instrument of pleasure."

"Whatever."

He gave an annoyed sighed as he said,

"You're just going to do this until I leave aren't you?"

"If you want to leave that's your choice."

"It was him wasn't it Yuurei? Toki did this to you."

I stopped walking as I said,

"He didn't do anything."

"Yes he did. Whatever life was in you, he put there. And now he took it out."

"It's not about him. It's me. This is how I am. This is what I do Furukawa. You claim I somehow changed, but you don't know me to make that claim."

He paused, knowing I was right as he said,

"Of course Yuurei...you're right. I don't know you well enough. Now it seems I never will."

"There's nothing to know anyway."

"I still think there is."

I felt his hand get a hold of my hand, gently grabbing hold as he let go of my wrist. I didn't care, I knew his intentions and still I didn't care. His fingers smoothed my hair back as he said,

"Can I get you alone somewhere?"

"How much more alone do you wanna be?"

Considering no one was in the park we were pretty much alone. He laughed slightly as he said,

"There are some things that shouldn't be done in public."

I looked at him, giving him my usual glare as he said,

"Relax. Nothing like that."

I didn't say anything. But I could tell he was pleased with me not shoving him away for touching my hair.

I had never been with anyone else. It was so embarrassing to say that considering how many times the opportunity presented itself but I never had. I found frivolous at the time, pointless and more over disgusting by the girls that offered. Most of them spreading for just about anyone. It had only been Toki...but the opportunity presented itself again. Now Furukawa wanted a taste of me and it was new and inviting. More over, my curiosity was peeked. Someone who never had anyone else before...of course this would be interesting. We sat in a cab on my way to my apartment. I had decided I wanted to go home rather then anything else so Furukawa was taking me home. He sat close to me, his arm around me as I looked ahead, watching the street go by, some people still out and about.

"Yuurei?"

I didn't turn but answered him anyway.

"Hai?"

"When this car stops, can I kiss you good night?"

I shrugged, not really caring. Though at the same time, I was curious. When the cab pulled up to my apartment, I looked at Furukawa and the Kitsune smiled. He leaned down as I looked at him, his lips pressed gently to mine. So gently in fact that I hardly felt his mouth at all. His eyes were slightly parted, looking at me as I closed my eyes and waited. When his mouth did press to mine, it was slightly different, his lips so soft, nothing on his breath. He tasted like sakura blossoms and fresh air which was strange because I knew he smoked. I parted my mouth to breathe and I felt the tip of his tongue at my lips, softly tracing a pattern there as he then pulled back. He licked his lips as he said,

"Oyasuminasai."

I nodded, closing my mouth as I turned and got out of the cab and went home. Ugh, I was disgusted with myself. My life was turning into one big drama. I only wished for something to happen before I went out of my mind.

Only after three months of quiet, three months of ducking and hiding and avoiding Jia's gaze anytime I went to headquarters to see Tai or check in, three months of letting Furukawa make his move, three months of not seeing Toki, three months were I was close to loosing my mind, only then did we hear something going on. I was with Tai, still not seeing Jia and explaining the effects of boredom when he got a phone call. He excused himself as he answered, talking to whoever it was as he said,

"Sou ka....okay...I'll let him know."

He hung up as I said,

"Anything happened?"

"Something did. Toshimasa and Xiao Tien need a word with Jia."

"Wonder what it could be."

"Couldn't be too bad. If it was, they would have showed up themselves. Toshimasa wouldn't have made the call."

I nodded as he said,

"I'll call Jia. Once I set up a meeting would you come in?"

"Ano......wakarimasen."

"Something wrong?"

"Nani mo."

"Then, can you come in?"

Saying no to Tai was almost like saying no to Jia so...I couldn't exactly deny someone above me like that. Besides, Tai was asking me, not ordering me. I had too much respect and I was trained too well to deny my employer anything.

"Hai...I'll come in."

He nodded as he went to call Jia and set up the meeting.

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Definitions and References

Oyasuminasai - Good night

Nani mo - Nothing

Wakarimasen I don't know

-Hibiya Park is a real park in the Marunouchi area of Tokyo. It's popular for couples.