I want to talk about some things that are on my mind. Some of it will be in the form of poems, some in prose and others in bits and pieces.
Crazy Eight
Crazy.
I�m the crazy one.
Waiting for that call of love
That siren song that lures me to
A mirage of safe haven upon a distant shore.
I swim there eagerly � love blind
Only to be dashed upon treacherous rocks.
Crazy.
Two times I have believed you
Despite the lipstick on your collar
And the musky smell on your skin that is not our soap.
You ain�t slick and she�s not stupid.
I�m the fool. Make that was�maybe again.
Crazy.
For the third time I hear your phone calls
And notice how your grin falters and your eyes
Slide away from mine.
I�m too tired tonight to fight
So you just keep on talking and planning illicit love.
But don�t think you�re getting any ass here tonight.
Crazy.
Four hang ups on the machine. No number listed.
I suppose it could be a salesperson calling.
That thought will keep my lunch in my stomach.
I hate the telephone.
Crazy.
It�s five days late. I can�t bear to get the test.
What if it says yes? What if it says no?
I don�t know which scares me the most.
No thoughts of sales people will keep me
I must pay my respects to the porcelain god.
I watch myself swirl away in a wash of blue.
Crazy.
Today we�ve been married six years.
I look at you across the table and let the candlelight distort your face.
It looks like I feel about you now � blurred and only slightly familiar.
You kiss my fingers and smile. Inside I am wooden but I can
Allow you to see my plastic smile. I hope the candles don�t melt it.
Crazy.
The office is on the 7th floor. I sway with the lift of the elevator.
I inhale the artificially conditioned air and dig my heels into the carpet.
I made a vow not to be broken and yet it is the vow that must break or my spirit.
To keep my spirit intact, I must break the vow with a stranger who specializes in paper death.
I choose to live. I choose to live. I choose life.
Crazy
It�s been eight months.
I can talk to you now, and the pain goes down only so far.
You were the one and you chose to divide us.
I could not survive on what you left me �you took the lion�s share.
Maybe one day I�ll understand your casual betrayal.
There is nothing left to bind us, nothing.
We loved and we lost. So be it. Amen.
