2000 Holiday Guide

Just so I am sure you have the chance to see all of the holiday fare that I have loved for so many years I have compiled a list of the greats! So fire up the television, grab your date book and get ready for some of the best entertainment available in the free world. I give you:

Jas N Smith's
Guide to Holiday Specials
2000

THE BEST OF THE BEST:
• Frosty the Snowman (CBS-Dec. 2) This one is so good. Jimmy Durante is magical, and whoever did Frosty's voice nailed it. He's perfect. "Haaaapy Birthday!" I love that. It's so sweet and wonderful. Frosty rules.

• How the Grinch Stole Christmas (Cartoon Network-Dec. 4 & 24) Man, Boris Karloff is the MAN! This is worth seeing now more than ever because of that horrible live-action film version. This one has all the really cool songs and that fab Chuck Jones animation. "You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch."

• Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (CBS-Dec. 5) I only watch it to hear the sound Rudolph's nose makes when it lights up. Well, that and Yukon Cornelius. At some point the producers went from merely stretching the ideas in the song to fill the time slot into complete and utter madness. They created the bizarre Christmas Town, the elf who wants to be a dentist, the prospector who finds a peppermint mine, and the Island of Misfit Toys. Where did that come from?

• Ernest Saves Christmas (Disney-Dec. 8) I could watch Ernest movies everyday until I died from an over-dose. Ernest ruled. I am so sad that he died. You should watch it this year out of respect if nothing else...and then you should go watch Ernest Goes to Camp, Ernest Goes to Jail, and Ernest Goes to Africa.

• A Charlie Brown Christmas (CBS-Dec. 11) Oh baby, this is the show of shows right here! Who can forget that sad little Christmas tree or Linus' soliloquy. Linus is so tender and perfect with his little boy lisp on "shepherds." Now if CBS would only start off by showing that spinning graphic of the word "SPECIAL" my life would be whole. "Charlie Brown...YOU BLOCKHEAD!"

• It's a Wonderful Life (NBC-Dec. 16 & 25) Ok, so you've seen it. We've all seen it. But did we listen? Do we live each day appreciating the little things that are so important? Do we ever find ourselves yelling "Merry Christmas, movie-house!" as we run down the street? Well, then I guess we need to see it again. And besides, it has Jimmy Stewart in it. For Pete's sake, Jimmy Stewart! What else do you need?

• Die Hard (Cinemax-Dec. 5) Arguably the best Christmas film of all time. The struggle of an average guy as he fights to save his wife and her co-workers from terrorists. Ho-ho-ho! Also, it opens with one of the best Christmas songs of all time: Run DMC's "Christmas in Hollis!"

There are others, of course, but these are the best (the best that will actually AIR this year anyway...sigh...).

A COUPLE OF SURPRISES:

A possible new addition to the holiday classics is Snowden's Christmas (CBS-Dec. 14). It looks really warm and fuzzy. It's about toys that make a journey across the country to find the little boy who loves them. Sounds very Brave Little Toaster, but I think the stop-motion animation will turn up the charm on this one.

Also be sure to check out Martha Stewart's Christmas Dream (CBS-Dec. 6). Is he insane? Why would he tell me to watch THAT?! Because who does Martha have on her show but Saturday Night Live's Ana Gasteyer, The Sopranos' Lorain Brocco and...CYNDI LAUPER!! I have no idea what Cyndi will be doing, but I don't care! That will be awesome! Mark your calendar NOW!

M.I.A. FOR THIS HOLIDAY:

Here's a list of some poor forgotten holiday specials that are gathering dust on the network closet shelves in favor of their more popular Rankin/Bass siblings. Luckily, I own most of these, so I can see them whenever I want.

• Emit Otter's Jugband Christmas - Why do they never show this anymore? It was awesome. A hillbilly otter puts together a band and saves Christmas! How cool is that?

• 'Twas the Night Before Christmas - A smart-mouthed mouse gets Christmas canceled for his entire town. Oh man, the voices alone are worth it, but then you add in the creepy animation style and this one is a sure-fire CLASSIC. That smarty-pants mouse with the glasses rocks! The fact that Santa is so fragile and insecure that a letter from a MOUSE makes him call it all off is pretty bad, but the way they woo him back is the best thing ever.

• Star Wars Holiday Special - Oh the horror of Lumpy. It's about a holiday on the Wookie home planet. We get to see Chewbacca's family...and then it goes down hill. This is one of the worst things I've ever seen. I bet we never see a Special Edition of this monstrosity!

And finally a warning: don't ever (and I mean EVER) watch Frosty Returns! It is BAD. The animation is bad and the story is worse! It is updated for the 90's. Ewww. It'll trick you. You think you are going to see a cartoon sequel to the glorious Rankin/Bass Frosty the Snowman with Jimmy Durante, but NOOOO! You are treated to 30 minutes of pain with the voices of John Goodman (Frosty) and *shudder* Jonathan Winters. Run!

Ok, I have to stop before this gets out of hand. Hope you have a wonderful holiday. Be sure to watch these with as many people as possible and spread some holiday cheer.

Merry Christmas!

Jas N

11-25-00