Conversion and the Incredible Hulk

Sunday: After I went to a wedding in Florida, some buddies and I left everybody and went to Orlando to hit Islands of Adventure. IoA is a part of Universal, but it has a bunch of little parks (ala Epcot). There is a Marvel Comics Island, Jurassic Park Island, Sunday Comics Island, Dr Suess Island, and a Medieval Island. They had the biggest, meanest looking coasters I have ever seen.

Secret: I have always been TERRIFIED of roller coasters! I can do the small ones that don't go upside-down or really fast, but loops or any heights and you can FORGET IT!! Always have been.

The problem is...I was going with a girl. Had it been me and Pollan then he would have ridden the coasters by his damn self. But there was a girl coming along and there was NO WAY I was pussin out.

So we are going to Islands of Adventure, famous for the gigantic loop mania of the Hulk. The whole way there I am trying not to think about it. Just chatting away with Pollan about whatever, singing along to the radio, anything. Then when we get close you can see the loops from the HIGHWAY! Waiting like a giant snake, all coiled and ready to devour me after it shatters my spine and rips me to pieces.

As we walk to the park I'm yukking it up with Robyn and Pollan, "Aw, yeah, the Hulk will be awesome!" But inside I am praying that I won't piss myself.

I was wearing my Hulk T-shirt and some guy in line for tickets said, "I bet you're here for the Hulk ride, huh?" I just smile and nod. This jerk has no idea.

When we finally get in the park the first ride we come to is the Hulk! Oh GOD!!! "Hey guys, I heard that the Spider-Man ride was awesome. Let's ride that first!" Hahaha! Anything, please, Lord, not the HULK!!!

The Spider-Man ride was cool, but then we headed to the Hulk. We did the no line express thing where it gives you a scheduled time to get on the ride so you won't have to wait in the line. It gave us a time that was a couple of hours later and I thought I had a stay of execution. "Wow, 5:00! Well I guess we can just wander the park until then." Robyn and Pollan: "No way, we can just get in line now AND come back at 5!!"

Of course there was almost NO LINE. I didn't even get to prepare myself mentally. We just walked right up. And of course we have to get in the front row. We get buckled in like we're riding in the space shuttle and suddenly I start seeing images of the Challenger. I hear all those urban legends about the kids being thrown from coasters to their deaths. I haven't been this scared in a long time. Had Robyn not been there, I would have gotten up and walked out and probably thrown up.

Then we start, we have that long slow climb up to the top before the first big drop...it goes on and on...click, click, click...but then when you're about 2/3 of the way up it just takes off like a rocket!! No warning, just BAM!! Haha DIE!!! Then when you come over the top, it flips you over and THEN drops you! Hahaha!! I thought I was going to ruin my pants! I'm pretty sure my fists left marks in the handles and I was screaming like a potty-mouth four-year-old girl!

We start careening down to the ground and I am exerting all my energy just to keep my bowels in check. Then we go to the first loop. I don't know what I expected from it, but somehow it was no big deal. You could barely tell you were upside-down, you were just as squished in your seat as when you were rightside-up. The only difference was the ground looked blue.

After a couple more twists I was totally into it. By the last couple I was WAY into it! I was laughing and hootin and *enjoying* it! When we got done all I could do was yell and shout and scream "Hell yeah!" People thought I just really enjoyed it, which I did, but more it was that I had never enjoyed it before. I never thought I could. I HATED coasters. I don't even like to drive fast. But here I had ridden my first loops and loved it.

We got out and into the lobby where you could buy pictures of yourself on the coaster. I had no idea they took any pictures, Robyn said she saw the flash, but I was oblivious. So of course I had to buy one. It's not often that one is able to snag a picture of himself mid-way through a life-altering moment, at least not with a really cool Hulk frame.

After we left I couldn't wait to try it again, it was all I talked about for hours. "That thing was AWESOME! Let's go again!" Robyn and Pollan thought I just really dug that coaster, but in reality I dug having the power to ride it without fear. We rode 3 or 4 more coasters that day and they were all fun, but the greatest is always the first, isn't it? Your first love, your first kiss, your first best friend, and of course your first roller coaster.

So now, proudly above my computer rests one of the greatest trophies of my life. The proof that I rode a horrifying monster of a roller coaster and came away with a grin, no small feet considering the 'fraidy cat that I have been these past 26 years. That's really me, right there in front. The kid who was afraid of the Haunted Mansion at Disney World, who wouldn't watch Nightmare on Elm Street or Friday the 13th movies until he was 23, who still has a nightlight in his room...that kid rode the biggest roller coaster in the world...twice.

If you'd like to see it, that picture is here. I'm the bald one.