Due to the fact that my personal book of shadows has been stolen more times than I can count, I have decided to do my best to reconstruct it here. From now on all of my spells will be described in detail on this page to prevent future losses, along with any other ancedots and information that would normally find its way between the pages of one of my many black books. A curse upon the thief who took it, and yes, I know who you are.

November 22, 2003, Sunday
Last night I did a spell for Leslie to go see Simon, even though they had no plans, for which she was supposed to pay me ten dollars which I would have used to supply my little addiciton. She went to go see him, however, I remain unpaid. I'm still waiting breathlessly for the backless of karma.
I'm really pissed at Nanny now, because she stole my money and lied about returning it, which she still has not done, and she's threatened to kick me out twice this week, threatening to do so if I go to Tim & Jasmin's again. As if I'd allow anyone to put such restricitons on myself. Of course Leslie is behind that. I really don't want to pay her anything now. I'm formulating plans.
The weight loss thing going beautifully. I'd like to loose more by Saturday for my lesbian shoot and more by the time that Garret gets back sometime next week, more by the 5'th for Pierre's party and more the 17'th of December, because we may be going to the Hot Springs for Leslie's birthday and I'd like to wear a bikini. I'd also like to be thin enough by the end of next month to take up stripping so that I can make enough money to buy a car and get my bitch ass over to New Orleans or up north to look for a fishing job. So far I've lost ten pounds.
My goal is to either get dishwashing or stripping job or both sometime by end of next month and move in with either Tasha or Garret. I want to talk Garret into going south with me. I'm not going to leave him if we're going to be together, which judging by Thursday night I think we are. He didn't even judge me about my substance abuse. He took his shirt off for me. His the only thing standing in the way of my being completely gay.
Last night I went to the stairwell where me and Mike used to do our stuff and I took a cardboard box lid and used a blue candle to write the words Bring Simon to Leslie tonight. It worked. Then on the back I wrote Get me meth now. She didn't pay me so I couldn't buy any, but I actually managed to score some from the end of Tim's pipe.
Thinking about the spider. Plotting something for tonight. I don't know about that now because of the job being postponed and I want to go to Soda Springs. Still don't have my I.D. I also still have a spell to do that I haven't done yet. Still haven't seen Pierre yet. He thinks he's in love again. I think I could be soon enough. Garret must have been the answer to that request. I have a chant to look up.

November 6, 2003, Thursday
Been doing a lot of writing lately and drawing pictures of my three. Last night I felt Leslie's hands digging around by my pant's pocket at the meeting as I was sitting next to her. When I get up my I.D and my E.B.T card are gone. I still don't have any of that, including the birth certificate, which I really need to get. Then when she's out with Simon I find that my pants, my CD's, my new hoodie and shirt are all missing. I have the pants back. Her stuff went missing last night so maybe that was like, instant justice.
She's also been on this whole Jodi's stalking us thing - saying that the police are coming by when she's the only one home or that the maintenance men told her that Jodi tried to break in, when Nanny of course knows nothing of it. She even went so far as to put some stupid-looking symbol on the outside of my bedroom window, (she being the first one to notice it naturally) and say that Jodi did it and that's why my I.D. disappeared. I matched the stuff on the window to her red paint. It was exactly the same. I was really pissed that I was the one that had to clean it off.
I'm still formulating many plans. If I don't get into college this spring I'm out of here. Hopefully with the money from that job, but if not I'd even take job corp to get out of here, cause I'm not hanging around anymore. I seriously doubt it will come to that though. Maybe when Leslie and I get back from Soda Springs we'll start apartment shopping in Old CO City. Have Patrick hook us up. We'll see.

November 2, 2003, Sunday
Several days ago, last week, Wednesday I do believe, I took a walk through MVP, early in the morning, to perform a spell I had designed. One black figure candle, representing myself. Three white tapers, the names properly inscribed. The candles were lit and held over the image candle so that the wax dripped onto it. My intention was to completely cover the black candle with the white ones. I think I did alright with that. Naturally I called forth the spirits and asked each one to bestow upon me their specialty, all in the name of protection and keeping me from harm, not to mention the manipulations of others, with a great deal of instructions thrown in for what should happen to said others if they should at any point attempt to prove detrimental to my plans or happiness.
Basically, if anyone should make it through my web of protection, may very bad things happen to them, hence the black. During the spell a little bugs kept landing on me, which wasn't anywhere near as creepy as when a huge spider came running at my candle, was scared off by the falling wax and landed in the water, where he proceeded to scamper across it to safety.
A spell I am considering: Walking outside on a Tuesday night wrapping a spool of black thread around a piece of paper with someone's name on it. You throw it under a bush when you are done and supposedly gain power over that person. This could be useful.
One spell I considered but did not perform: Something to call Penguin. I was going to write out the message in blue wax, but after having recently learned that he lives in Security and is still married and going chubby, I no longer feel the need. But perhaps I will see him.
On Halloween I had to perform a spell, inside because it was freezing. Three red candels, one for beauty, love and adoration, one for power over my life and those who would seek to control me and one for success, monetary and contentment-wise. Of course I used the proper names. Stephen was informed of this without going into details.
So far I would have to say - I still don't have my I.D. or my birth certificate or my address book. Mike didn't come through the other night for me, pulling a disappearing act instead and it looks like Alexis, Tim and Jasmin pulled a major fuck over on me, including lying to me and stealing my rave ticket and they owe me $27 at the very least, which I do not expect to receive. As Leslie said, I have few remaining friends who have not fucked me over. I have plans with Pierre. Leslie pulled several noticeable sections out of my hair, directly afterwhich Nanny yelled at her, but my hair will take forever and a day to grow back. I'm getting lots of modeling jobs and am actually okay with the adult-film aspect of it all, having decided for the near future not to bother looking or hoping for anything romantically and to take what I can sexually out of the business and let what ever approaches me be without iniating anything. I've still been having dreams about Tim, but those may be stopping now that he's lied to me. I have regular work and am close to paying off my bills. I can't fucking wait to move. My last motivation to stay is gone. I'm looking forward to hooking up with Elyse tomorrow.

October 16, 2003, Thursday
Two events have transpired lately that are currently working out to my advantage. Leslie has started seeing Simon a whole hell of a lot more and my brother has moved in with me. I distinctly remember having thoughts on both of these occurences beforehand, thinking to myself, "Wouldn't it be great if Leslie were to hang out with Simon all the time, leaving me free to do as I please and giving me time to myself?" It has also worked out with her not bugging me about him so goddamn much anymore. This lays my mind to rest, for I had previously been wondering, now why is it, that when I'm not doing a damn thing for her there that things all of a sudden start picking up? But when it works to my advantage it doesn't seem to unlikely any more.
It also helps me out that Stephen is living with us, because now I can't be harassed so much about inconsequential shit. Yes, I had yet another thought that wouldn't it be great if someone else lived with us? Then Leslie couldn't spend all of her time pushing me around. Well, she hasn't been able to and it has worked out great.
However, my email has been attackted almost daylie, the stuff I bought has 'diseappeared,' and someone will not quit being bitchy, despite her stroke of fortune. Oh, and I do believe she's trying to get Stephen kicked out for all of the above stated reasons. Lovely, isn't it? I'm assuming this is why I haven't felt the need or creative energy to perform magick lately, if I've already been busy working on other things such as this.
I'm still getting male attention, I've discovered a new fun past time and I now believe I know exactly what I'm going to do with myself.

October 8, 2003, Wednesday
The glamour is totally working. I've been hit on constantly, yesterday and today. I don't know if it's having any noticeable affect on the person that really matters though. Someone else stares, like that means anything. The guy from La Beguette said I'm pretty cute. I may take him up on it if I don't get anything conclusive soon.
Can't get a hold of Pierre. I'll most likely be working at Best Buy come Monday. Figured out all my court shit. So many headaches. Today a weird humming was coming from the ceiling in our apartment when the neighbors weren't home. Then there was whistling. At least I know the humming couldn't have been faked. Leslie had three dreams about Simon cheating on her. Threatened suicide. All other games still continuing. Oh well.

October 4, 2003, Saturday
I'm getting really sick about all the bullshit. Did my figure candle spell, red candle, covered in words - beautiful, provacative, slender, amorous, ect. More looks, gay advances, got some info on Tim. When I went to the cemetery to do it I found that the three candles I'd orginally used for my calling were still there in the same spot so I relight them along with my candle and the day after next they were all burned down.
Didn't do dream for Tim. Didn't feel a need or enough motivation. Did dream for Leslie. She said hers were bad, didn't elaborate. Hope I get the point across. Don't know if Pierre got a dream. He called me yesterday and she erased it off the caller I.D. Asked when he could call me. Know how to get the money. Things just might work.

September 22, 2003, Monday
Ever since the stone in my purse nothing has been taken from it. So far the only things to be stolen were my birth certificate, which I was misinformed about and my herb, that I know of. Been receiving a lot of false reports lately. The email thing was really low. Still upset about that. Now I'm receiving mails from Luke. It never ends. Last night when I was going to bed I looked up and saw a weird whiteish blue light above my head in the darkness. Don't know what that was, but it wasn't scary. Still no progress on Tim. Have noticed that ever since I did the callings, I've been a lot more moody than I used to be, kind of like going way back. Feeling restless and needing out of the house. Have decided to canvas the town looking for jobs, internships, and the like. Should do a spell for it. Need to see Pierre again.
All last weekend I had this persistent feeling that I wanted to see my brother. I wanted to call him, go find him, I just really felt like I had to see him. I even got a number but no one picked up. Now I find out that he got assaulted last weekend and I feel bad. Oh well, tough shit. At least I was dead on. Now I intend to do something about it.

September 20, 2003
Have given thought recently to my current luck and decided to do a karma spell to even out my karma. Four yellow candles, not sure how I�m going to pay for them, one large white candle for the middle. Joy oil. Incense. Seeking for karmic balance and a chance to even out any negativity within the week.

September 15, 2003, Monday
I have just been contacted by a man who claims to be the psychiatrist of Sargon, who is currently residing in a correctional mental facility. Odd enough. Even stranger, this man claims to look like Alaccard, from Hellsing. Why's that so odd? Because I've been putting a lot of time and energy into constructing a spirit who looks just like that character and I was also attempting to draw him into the physical world and find him, or a person who looked just like him. On the net people appear out of thin air. I did this last night. Strange.
In his car, he says to me, "I'm getting paranoid. People are in the backseat staring at me." What do these people look like? "A woman with long blond hair and an attractive man with short black hair." He said that they followed us out of the car. This is an exact description of my spirits, which I have been attempting to call for quite some time now. I have told no one of this, there was no way he could have known. It would appear that the summoning has been successful.
On the bridge, three candles, one black for Mordred, red for Adonis, white for Morpheous. One red saturated with my blood. It happens every time now. I believe I will not summon them without it. I laid down the picture. X's with all four candles. The note as well. Into the lake. One by one. Present and send. Leave the blood candle on the bridge railing. Smoke. It will come to pass. He was there. MVP.

Sept 4, 2003, Thursday
In Crystal Hills Cemetery I did a spell for power raising and to take care of my current problems. I used four candles, two white, two red, all tapers. Red for Chango and Cerrdwyn and white for Eleggua and Oya. Cerridwyn I called to return my stolen belongings and to take control of that situation. Oya, because I was in the cemetery and she is also the benefactor of sexuality and Chango and Eleggua for power. Power raising was a success. Sexually charged atmosphere. I wrapped a picture in black fabric, passed it over Cerrdwyn's candle and hid it in the cemetery. There was also a goddess and a god candle in holders. The night went well.
In Evergreen, on a headstone that was a white cross lying on the ground, three red candles at each arm of the cross. Morpheous, Mordred and Adonis. I called them forth with my will and with my blood. Incense.
Leslie has been ill and despondant, wants to break up with Simon. All of my belongings are back, save my money, which I may never see. I have a job offer that will be most fun and pays over three thousand dollars. Going to Dallas as soon as I finish filming and buy my car.

August 26, 2003, Tuesday
At noon I performed a spell to return my money that was stolen last night. I used the St. Micheal candle with four little white ones, on a black plate, on top of a pillow case. I lit the candle and prayed that my money would be returned and that the thief would steal from me no more. There was also some binding involved.

August 25, 2003, Monday
Last night I performed two divination spells, one for Leslie and one for myself. I used a metal bowl filled partially with spring water that I dumped an egg into. That didn�t work out, so I turned to a round mirror that I had set up and placed the two candles on top of, red for Leslie, white for Simon. I also lit four of the little white candles and placed them around the top of the mirror. Their pictures were lying nearby. I then proceeded to ask the goddess for wisdom and perform tarot readings. I asked if Simon loved Leslie, if they would turn out okay, if she should just give up, if they would get married and if he was cheating on her.
Then I performed the divination for myself. I asked about FLorida, New Orleans and my future in general. I got a good response on Florida, not so great on New Orleans and an overall prediction of success.

August 20, 2003, Wednesday
Most of my stuff is back. The purse was where he said in Carima�s apartment and I have my I.D.�s back. Cashed the checks, money�s all gone though because I had to pay a bond to get out of jail. Lucifer�s taking credit for that naturally. She�s seeing Simon tonight and I�m supposed to do a spell for them before they go. Red or blue candle. Maybe I�ll draw some pictures of desired results. She can sleep on them. That can be my thank you.
No longer speaking to my mother, ever again. Not happy with Pierre. He�s been lying and telling Cameron that I�m a stupid cunt for staying with Leslie. As if I have a choice. There will be words. He�s promised me a chest to put my stuff in. Hope he comes tonight.
Leslie wants a divination. I figured a glass bowl of water with a red candle on the right side over a picture of her and a white candle on the left over a picture of him. At night outside. Divination for me: a mirror with a ring of small white candles around it, two sticks of incense and a Tarot reading. We�ll see. Still haven�t done my Micheal spell or my happiness spell. Cameron has a new boyfriend, don�t know if he�ll move now. Pierre likes the idea. Doing my research. I have an account now. Looking for a job, getting my service done. It will be all right.
Book still not back, will probably never see it again. No more in this house. I will however, get some black books for my pictures.

August 15, 2003, Friday
Designed new spell to help get to New Orleans. Four taper candles, two white, two red, all with the amount $200 inscribed on them, which when added together makes $1,000, the calculated amount of money I would need. Place on top of an atlas road map page of Louisiana. Place St. Micheal candle in the middle. Olive oil on the candles, basil all around. Light candles and concentrate on being in New Orleans, of getting the money, of being happy and successful. Do not stop until the candles are burned. Use the wax from the candles to circle New Orleans on the map. When they are burned, light the paper in St. Micheal�s candle. Offer grapes. Try to light every night and pray over. This must be done alone in an outside place, preferably stone.
After receiving an email I have come up with another idea to finance things. Adult jobs are available in Florida, which is not far away and I�m planning on looking up jobs in Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama as well. Perhaps I could take a bus to Florida, rack up some money, buy a car and take that back to New Orleans. It�s a thought.
Out of all my babysitting money for the past two days I now have five dollars. Leslie held the twenty again and said it disappeared when she put it in my purse. This is awful. Purse back, nothing in it. Simon is getting kicked out of his house, but she saw him the other night and it went extremely well. He was in a better place mentally. I suggested my spell.

August 14, Thursday, 2003
Have not been able to see Cameron. He accused Leslie of stealing and now she doesn't want to see him anymore. Haven't seen Pierre either. Purse still not back, though she says it's in the back bathroom. Got my EBT card back, but not my book or pants. The twenty dollars I made yesterday babysitting is gone and I never even got to touch it. I'm pissed about that.
Leslie did a spell the other night for Simon that involved burning things on the pourch. They saw each other last night and it went well. I told her they'd be good by the 22nd. That's next week. The full moon was on Monday. I still have to do that spell, but haven't yet. I wanted to do it with Cameron.
Still thinking about New Orleans. The woman we're babysitting for might hook me up with a job working the concerts. I hope so.

The Four Saints August 11, 2003, Monday
I did this spell the other night at Helen Hunt Falls. I didn't actually enter the park area, but performed it right by the parking lot, which was where the cop found me when he came to chase me away. I had Leslie right there gaurding my candles and catching the front of my magickal turn-off.
The saints I used were St. Anthony, St. Jude, St. Theresa & St. Juan the Conquerer. I lit each saint and read the prayer off the back of their candles, putting my own spin on the words to get what I wanted, which was peace from all those that oppressed me, a space of my own, happiness for me and my loved ones, of which I named two, and the return of all stolen property and the returning of that which was taken. Other prayers may have been in there.
So far, I have yet to have my most important belongings returned to me, more have disappeared, and I still have yet to have a conference with my mother. I still have not even managed to talk to Cameron, which on that note, someone obviously doesn't want me to see him because every time I turn around his number disappears, (good thing I memorized it) and twice yesterday I was thwarted from seeing him, once to comfort a not-seemingly-at-all suicidle friend.
It's also worth noting that along with this spell I included a mango which I charged, and which Leslie became sick after eating.
A spell I plan on performing, hopefully with Cameron, will be for happiness and will require invoking Yemeya. I intend to use a coconut, halved, with one half filled with tiny white candles. The juice will be charged inside the shell and drank for happiness. The entire coconut will be charged over a blue candle oiled with joy oil. Some of the juice should be spread over the heads and hair of all participating. Then the candles will be lit and the coconut will be floated down a stream.
The camera and one item of my make-up has been returned. No such luck for the purse or my book of shadows.