Erin lay on Garret's bed and tried to decide whether to pay more attention to the movie or to him. His very presence she found tantalizing. She followed his movements with her eyes. When she touched him she was afraid of looking at his face. She didn't know if he was happy with what she did, but so far he did not protest.
Garret said that nothing made him happy. He said that sex was not important to him. She said she liked him and he said he didn't think he could be in a relationship anytime soon. Erin felt like she might die at that one, but she said it was okay.
She wanted to tell him that she'd only come back to see him. She wanted to tell him that he was the only thing standing between her and never being with a man again. She didn't want to kiss him, she wanted him to do it. She didn't want to fuck him, she was too scared. Garret intimidated her because he reminded her of what it was like to feel. She hoped she could inspire the same feelings in him. She'd spend an hour just trying to make him smile. It didn't take quite that long for her to make him hard.
He took off his shirt for her. He let her touch him all over, encouraging her with constant updates on the locations of his scars. She traced them with her fingers and stroked them with her hands. She didn't look in his eyes. She rested her head against him and let her body relax into his. He wasn't expecting it. He thought she needed something. All she wanted was to be there with him and to forget for just a little while that she was sad.
Garret said, "Why do you keep shaking?" She was trying not to make it so obvious, but this was one of the things she could not stop. She forced herself to tell him the reason. He didn't judge her for her drug usage. Maybe he wouldn't judge her for anything at all. She didn't know whether or not she'd told him what she did for a living. She was going to stop doing it, just for him.
They lay together, in silence, without any awkwardness at all. He didn't try to stop her. He didn't push her hands away. His fingers responded to hers. He stopped pacing and came to join her on the bed. She didn't want to be anywhere else in the world. She knew the next day and the day after would all be dreadful. She just wanted to enjoy this time with him.
How could so little make her so happy? How could one person make her so calm? Inside she felt like she was dying, but she could forget it when she was with him. He asked her what was wrong, if there was anything that he could do. She didn't know what he wanted to do, so she didn't tell him. She just said that it was good to be there with him.