IN THE END
By: Chiki Yumeshisa
Disclaimer: I don�t own Rurouni Kenshin�.all original characters/ideas are mine to claim��..
AN: THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS GUYS! Makes me so happy. Beware of some dark moments and of course, arguments in this chapter.
RECAP: Kaoru called, telling Kenshin that his son was brought to the hospital. What did Kenji do THIS time? Read on!
Warnings: Rated PG13. A little on the dark side. No flames please, as you have been warned.
Chapter 6
- Running Away -
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Ambitious.
That�s what everyone called me.
Sano always said I took life way too seriously. How else was I to act? There were some goals that I had set for myself, and I knew that I could reach them.
Despite his happy-go-lucky ways, he was a good friend to me. Taller, thinner, and part of the �in� crowd. Total opposites, that�s what we were. And yet, we were the best of friends, almost inseparable. Girls flocked to him by the dozen, and I��.well, I guess I could safely say I was a loner.
It didn�t bug me that much, since I was quite content living simply. I guess I just did not like it when people made fun of me. The color of my hair, apparently, was not a good thing. And my height was what had bullies trying to stuff my head in a toilet when I had been younger.
Thank God university had people with a bit more common sense. I managed to make a few close friends there, even though we didn�t see each other very often. Then again, first year was always the hardest.
Sighing, I took a look at the test in my hand. It just didn�t satisfy me. I had studied for hours upon end for it, and yet, my results were not exactly the best. Not that they were bad, but I was adamant to do much better.
Beside me, Sano snacked away in front of his laptop. His spiked hair had only grown longer over the summer, and his appetite seemed to have grown with it. We were supposed to have been working on a microbiology project together, but he was engrossed at the moment, playing a game of StarCraft.
�Suck on that, Protoss fags!� he shouted, triumphantly.
I nudged him as a few people glared our way. �Keep it down, Sano,� I hissed, �this is the library, remember?�
Grunting, he returned to his game. I guess that meant he heard me: either that or he didn�t care.
I returned my attention to the paper in my hand. How come Physics had to be so difficult?
As if sensing my brooding, Sano looked up from his computer, polishing off his pizza and pop. �What�s up kid? You looked like your best friend just died.�
I returned him a wry smile. �Unfortunately, he�s very much alive.� I said, ruefully.
He caught my snide comment and sniffed, acting hurt. �Just remind me never to talk to you again.�
Smirking, I stuffed the paper inside my binder, and made to get up. We were getting no where, and I don�t think I would have been able to concentrate anyway. He watched me with his almond eyes. �Where ya going?� He demanded.
�The guidance counselor.� I muttered, stuffing my books into my back pack and then slinging it on one shoulder. �I have to make an appointment.�
�You take life way too seriously, Kenshin.� Sano quipped, returning his attention back to the computer. �But I guess I�ll catch ya later then.�
Nodding absently, I pushed my chair back in, as I heard the sound of Protoss warriors dying, and Terran tanks firing.
�By the way, your wife called when you were in class.� He said. I usually left my cell phone with him, just in case I would miss any important calls while in class, where we were not allowed to carry them. I felt safer with it in Sano�s hands than in my locker. Of course, that meant a larger bill, but he was pretty reliable.
Hearing the mention of her, I felt my glum attitude pick up and I took the phone from him. Sure enough, her name was the first one on the list. I bade him a quick farewell and hurried out of the building into the chilly air.
The Main Hall was right across the street from the library. Leaves of different colors fell around me, like rain as I hurried to cross.
There was still time.
Her voice on the line was all I needed, and I felt myself smile when I heard her answer.
�Hello?�
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I hurried to the hospital as fast as I could go.
Luckily, my father was at home, and he had just been about to leave when I called to ask for a ride. It wasn�t often I asked him for favors, but at the mere mention of Kenji in the hospital, it made my blood run cold and fear clench my heart.
He seemed to understand, and even though I would make him late for his appointment, he still agreed to drop me off.
I was out of breath by the time I made it to the automatic double doors. I felt like I had run a marathon even though I had only taken barely ten steps. I gasped and sucked in a few hurried breaths as I waited the three seconds it took for the doors to slide open.
A blast of air hit me, and a whirring noise. It was the radiators and ventilation system. A bit dazed, I hurried past that too, and toward the front desk, where Kaoru was impatiently pacing, arms crossed.
Her cheeks were flushed a pretty pink, and her, mouth set in a straight line, pressed together. She was wearing a light yellow top along with black slacks and black shoes. I guess if I had been paying attention some more, I would have realized that she wasn�t quite the little girl I had thought her to be.
She noticed me right away, running to meet me.
�What happened?� I demanded.
It was then that I noticed she had been crying. �Oh, Himura-san�..this is all my fault��..� her voice began to get choked in tears.
Grasping her shoulders, I shook her. This was not the time to break down into hysterics, nor was it the time to panic on my part. Still, I couldn�t help but fear for the worst. Keeping my voice as controlled as possible, I asked, �Kaoru, what happened?�
Her fingers tightened on my arms almost painfully. ��.He was�..in class and�.and�..�
I couldn�t help but shake her again. Now she was crying uncontrollably. �Kaoru, calm down.� I felt like I was talking to a little kid. I remembered how I had kept my cool with children a long time ago, and I realized that I had to do the same thing now or else I�d get no where. I repeated, �Calm down,� in a soothing tone, pulling her closer to me.
She seemed to relax a bit, because her shaking stopped and she looked up at me. Her eyes were as big as saucers. �You�.you just��right now�.� Her cheeks went bright red, and she pushed away from me a little. It was then that I realized what I had said, and I felt myself blush too. Correcting my mistake, I took my hands away from her shoulders.
�Kamiya-san, where is my son?�
Without a word, she pointed down the hall. As I turned to leave, she recovered from her shock and hurried to catch up with me.
�We were doing a project in class, and he just took the knife and�.there was so much blood, Himura-san�..I didn�t know what to do, and I just called the police, and I��.�
I managed to smile down at her. It was quite obvious that she was still over excited about the whole thing, and that I would not be able to get a straight answer until she died down some more. How soon that would be, I didn�t know. She led me to a room, where Kenji was sitting on a bed, a doctor next to him.
He was wearing all black again, even up to the color of his hair tie. I could have sworn he had been wearing something different when he left the house that morning, but at the moment, that was not on my mind.
I bust into the room, not bothering to knock. The doctor that was sitting on a chair talking with Kenji, looked up in surprise. He was holding my son�s arm, which was bandaged, but the blood was soaking it up.
Oh God�..
�Kenji��.� I started to say.
�Dad!� He sounded very surprised to see me.
The doctor got up, moving aside as I ran to Kenji�s side. �Why did you do this?� I demanded, snatching my son�s wrist and turning it up to examine it. There had been no doubt that he had cut himself open. By the feel of his pulse, it had been rather deep. I almost missed the fact that he had black nail polish on again.
The doctor cleared his throat. �We are trying to stop the blood flow as much as possible. It might come out to three or four stitches.� He informed me.
Kenji looked positively miserable. He shot his teacher a doleful glare, but other than that, looked down at the hand still on his wrist, which belonged to me. He knew Kaoru had snitched on him again.
My voice was low and angry. I was tired and confused, emotionally strained and very upset. �What the hell is going on?� I asked.
Kaoru�s voice was small. �We were doing the dissecting chapter in our biology class today, Himura-san��..we were working on frogs�..�
Spare me the detail.
But she kept going, so I didn�t stop her.
�Kenji�..suddenly took the knife and slashed at himself��� She trailed off.
I turned my eyes to Kenji, who seemed to freeze as my eyes locked on his. �I�I�..uh�..I wanted to see what I looked like inside.� He lied. The most pathetic lie I had ever heard in my life.
I wanted to scream. Instead, I held him in my glare. �You make me sick.� The words that came out of my mouth surprised even me. I saw his eyes fill with tears, and he turned his eyes away.
He got off the bed, going over to the doctor, who held his tongue wisely and left the room.
I never budged from my place, my eyes now staring at a spot on the bed.
A long silence followed.
What had I done?
I heard a footstep behind me. �Himura-san��.�
It was Kaoru�s voice, timid and worried. I never moved, my eyes still staying trained on that spot. I don�t know how long I sat there like that for, but I suddenly felt arms around my neck.
And I heard a choked sob. It had come from me.
The arms tightened, and I looked up at the windows. The sun was still high in the sky, the colors of the rays were like the color of leaves when they fell in the fall. I felt Kaoru�s chin touch my shoulder, and a few tears drop�..
�What have I done?� I asked, my voice no more than a whisper. Whatever relationship Kenji and I had carefully built up, was gone. I felt like I had taken a baseball bat and brought down the house made of sticks with one blow. I was an idiot.
�No, it�s my fault.� Kaoru moaned. �If I hadn�t�..oh, Himura-san, I�m so sorry.� She whispered.
He needs a psychiatrist.
The words rang in my ears loudly. I had denied it, and I hadn�t listened. I wanted to get mad at someone, anyone, but I knew in my heart that no one was to blame but me. Yet, I didn�t have the heart to tell Kaoru that it wasn�t her fault. I was awful, I know�
I was comforted by her hug though. She seemed more miserable than I was, and all that I kept repeating the last words I had spoken, in a daze.
After a while, Kaoru got up, sniffling. �Will you be okay, Himura-san?�
Realizing that she had spoken to me, I glanced up at her and managed to give her a watery smile and a small nod. Before she could say anything more though, Kenji came back in, his face pale, and his arm freshly bandaged. If he was in pain or not, I could not tell.
Kaoru spoke to me quickly, pressing something into my hand. What she said, I didn�t know. It was all a blur to me, as the only thing in my existence at the moment was my son and me.
With a last worried glance over her shoulder, she exited the room, with the doctor following suit after he told me that Kenji was free to go.
I got up without a word, my muscles protesting to the sudden movement. Kenji followed mutely, his head down. I don�t know how I was able to make my way to the front desk again. But I got there nevertheless and asked to use their phone.
I dialed the first number in my head.
�Yeah?� The person on the other line grumbled.
It took me a while to realize who the person I had called was. In the back of my mind, I must have remembered he was in town, visiting. �Sano, it�s me.�
Now he sounded confused. �Kenshin!�
I nodded, still too befuddled to remember that he couldn�t quite see me.
�Where are you?� He demanded. He sounded like he had just woken up. It wasn�t even four yet, but then again, Sano ran a whole different schedule.
�The hospital�..� I murmured. �Can you come pick us up?�
A bit of rustling on the other line and then more of his grumbling. �Yeah, I�m coming. I�ll be there in about fifteen.� I was lucky too: Sano�s little apartment was nearby. Long story cut short, he often drove me whenever I had needed the lift to work back then.
Gratefully, I nodded again. �Thanks��.�
I guess I appreciated the fact that he had not asked questions, though, most surely those would come later. I really didn�t need someone ragging on me though. If he knew beforehand, he would storm in there and make a scene, embarrassing Kenji and I further.
And now, it would be fifteen minutes of torture between me and my son.
There was nothing to say. Actually, I didn�t want to say anything, for fear of blowing up on him in front of everyone. I wanted to vent my anger out. How shameful could it be for me? I could not look up at anyone as they passed by; I wasn�t up to giving a polite nod or a bow at the moment.
So I ended up pacing back and forth, while Kenji sat himself on a chair close by, fingering the bandages on his arm thoughtfully. He looked resigned, very tired, and sick. His face was pale, and he was shaking. I wasn�t surprised to find that I didn�t particularly care for his condition. Yes, I was a bad father!
I think the pacing nearly drove the receptionist up the wall because she asked me several times if I wanted to take a seat, to which I declined, of course. And when Sano walked in through those automatic doors, I nearly pounced on him.
I think I needed a beer.
He was wearing gray track pants and a sweatshirt from the GAP. His unruly hair was windblown and as messy as ever. Usually, he would tie it up a bit to stay away from his face, but today, he failed to do so.
Not to mention the fact that he looked like he hadn�t shaved for ages. I wondered vaguely if he was trying to put together a beard, because if that were the case, then it didn�t suit him at all.
�Let�s go.� I barked at Kenji, who practically jumped from his chair and onto his feet.
Even Sano winced at my snap. �What�s with you?� He muttered, leading the way back, past the automatic doors and toward his car.
�It�s a long story.� I growled, checking to make sure that Kenji was following us, and not going to get himself run over by the other cars in the parking lot.
I guess I was really angry at myself. If I was a better father, then things like this wouldn�t happen. But I was tired of pulling the string one way. Kenji had to help, and he wasn�t doing a very good job at it.
Sano�s front seat was occupied with his computer, which, he informed me, had to be fixed. So I had to slip in the back. Kenji seemed to hesitate outside of the car for a moment when he learned that we would have to sit together.
�Get in.� I ordered, motioning him ahead of me.
Reluctantly, he ducked his head in and got into the car. I slid in after him, closing the door behind me with a slam. I saw Sano jump slightly at that, and murmur something under his breath about his precious baby.
Tension levels were so high that Sano didn�t make any other comments but that. He didn�t turn up music, doubled his usual speed � which was always past the limit � and got us to our house in half the time it would have taken us normally. I guess he wanted us out of his car, and fast. We were like two bottled sodas waiting to burst.
Correction, I was like a bottled soda waiting to burst.
The driveway already held a car, and that told me that my father was home.
Now I was in a dilemma: how could I scold my son if Hiko was there too? And I know Sano would not leave until he knew what the heck was biting at me and causing me to be so�..well, bluntly put, bitchy.
Kenji for sure would feel like he was being put on the spot, and I knew for myself what that felt like. I was really upset though, and if I let this incident pass like the rest of them, then I knew the next time around I probably wouldn�t have a son to call my own.
Dad was in the living room, lounged on the couch. This time, I didn�t even spare the time to wince or think about the furniture. I deposited my pack on kitchen floor, which fell with a small thump, causing my father to look up.
�Kenshin? You�re home already? Were you let off work early?� He asked. He caught sight of Kenji and Sanosuke as they entered the house. �Visitors?� he wondered aloud.
Impatiently, I ran my hands through my red hair, shaking my head. �No, I wasn�t let off work early. It was an emergency.�
Dad nodded toward my friend. �And why�s the rooster here?�
Sano seemed to stiffen with that comment, but he replied, �I went to pick Kenshin up.�
Kenji had begun to steal out of the room by this point, casually getting himself a drink of water and then starting to go to his bedroom, where, no doubt, he would lock himself in for the rest of the day.
�Don�t you even think of going anywhere Himura Kenji!� I commanded.
Sano shifted beside me, uncomfortably. �I�d better go,� He murmured. �Keep it cool, Kenshin.� He gave Hiko a small bow of acknowledgement, before turning his heel and exiting, closing the door behind him. I was grateful that he seemed to understand that this was a family problem that didn�t concern him. Most likely, he would ask me about it later, though.
Kenji froze, his shoulders hunched a bit, and he turned around slowly. Now, my father had gotten up from the couch. His long black hair fell in a mess down his back, the tie holding it up, gone.
His words, You cut him too much slack, rang in my head.
Controlling my voice, I said, �You have a lot of explaining to do.�
�I already explained myself.� Kenji replied, coldly. He was still pale and shaking.
I could feel my anger boil. �What you did today was the stupidest thing you could have done!� he stood there, calmly listening and making no outward sign of rebellion. I pressed on. �I know what you were trying to do, Kenji. You weren�t trying to �see what you looked like on the inside�. You were trying to kill yourself!�
My father stiffened at that, his eyes finally falling on his bandaged arm.
�Oh dear God��..� He breathed.
Kenji glared at me. �Why do you care?� He cried.
�Why don�t you face your problems like a man, instead of running away?� I flung back.
�Why can�t you be more like - � He began to say.
�Don�t you even dare to bring her up in this!� My voice wavered, and I couldn�t help but notice how my insides had turned into ice at his comment.
His voice dropped into a whisper, and I could tell he was close to tears. �You�re the worst father anyone could have�.� The tears did fall. �I wish you could have died instead. I just don�t want to live with you anymore.� He angrily began to rub at his eyes, as if berating himself for being so weak.
So I knew I was a bad father, and I could feel my heart hammering its way up to my throat. �Then get out of my house.� I heard myself reply evenly.
My father decided to intervene just then. �Calm down, you two.� He turned to Kenji. �You, change your clothing and for the last time, take off that disgusting paint from your fingers. If I ever see them painted again, you can be sure to regret it.� He then turned to face me. �And you, get some fresh air. You look ready to blow.�
And I was.
I hadn�t realized that my hands were balled into fists, and I slowly let them relax, taking a deep breath. Then Hiko all but shoved me out the door, not even letting me change into something more comfortable. That was his solution to everything: walk or run it off. I guess it worked, because I often did that whenever I felt stressed.
Today, however, running in jeans was not a comfy thought, so I stuffed my hands into my pockets and began to walk, hoping that my anger would cool.
When I entered the house again, I could hear dad�s snoring. It practically made the whole house shudder. I couldn�t help but touch the walls to see if they were vibrating.
It was past ten o�clock by that time. I had walked for a good couple of hours and had dropped by a noodle house to eat. It had been in my mind to go get a drink, but I guess I just wasn�t up to the bad taste or the hangovers. I didn�t need to be stumbling home drunk either, especially in the night.
Chilled to the bone, I made a beeline to my bedroom to get changed into something warmer. The spring wasn�t warming up any time soon, it seemed.
It was then that I caught a figure hunched over in the living room. I think I already mentioned that upstairs was usually restricted, yet lately, it was being used a lot. Since Kenji knew how much I disapproved of him sitting on the couch, he was sitting on the floor.
He was dressed in a pair of boxers and a t-shirt with a Spider Man figure on the front. The colors totally clashed, but hey, I was not a fashion freak so I did not care to say anything. He looked miserable and tried his best not to be noticed as I passed. It didn�t work.
For a long moment, we stared at each other, not knowing what to do or say. I could feel the raw edges of anger start creeping up on me again, so I began to turn away and resume my original course to my bedroom.
But those big doleful eyes reminded me of her. Yuki often used to do that whenever she pleaded for something or was terribly sad. It had me melted in a puddle of goo in no time at all for her. With Kenji, however, it was different, but had the same sort of pitying pull.
I stopped and took a step forward. No, he would not be the first to speak.
�Couldn�t sleep?� I asked, finally.
He pursed his lips and shook his head. �Grandpa snores too loud.�
I couldn�t help but smile a bit. �I would have thought you would be used to it by now: didn�t you live with him for a while?�
He nodded, pushing himself into a cross-legged position. In the darkness, I could see the bandages on his arm. An uncomfortable silence followed after that, and I glanced down at the small coffee table I had placed in the middle of all the couches. White flowers were the centerpiece for it, as it was Yuki�s favorite kind. She wasn�t around anymore, but�� �Does�does it hurt?� I asked.
Kenji flexed his hand for a moment, and then shrugged. �A little. But it doesn�t matter��..� He tilted his head to the side a little, and flicked his bangs out of his eyes. His voice dropped to a whisper. �So�..when do you want me to get out by?�
My anger sparked again. I knew this wasn�t a good idea. Growling with irritation, I turned to him. �Why do you always have to be such a dick?� Nice taste in questions, if I may say so myself.
�I thought all kids want to grow up to be like their fathers.� He replied smoothly.
Real nice. It was all I could do not to strangle him, but I had to admit, it was a good comeback. I guess his tendancy to be flippant came from me.
Glaring, I said, �I�m trying my best here, Kenji�..�
�Gag me with a spoon.�
�Maybe I will, if you don�t let me finish.� I warned. My tone had suddenly gotten serious, the way my dad�s did. I saw him flinch and shrink back some.
Peering up at me, he asked, �Why do you like to rag on me so much?�
�I�ve already answered your question, it�s because you�re acting like a prick. Mind telling me why?�
Kenji never answered that. He just looked at his arm and touched the bandages there, flexing his hand again. �Grandpa�..he laughed at me�..and said that I botched it up � that I couldn�t even kill myself right��� His eyes filled with tears again, and he put his hands to his face. �I can�t go to sleep tonight,� He said, almost shyly. �Because�..she�s there�..�
My mind flashed back to the picture I had seen the other day on his dresser. I felt myself grow sick in the stomach.
I reached over and ruffled his hair. �You don�t have to go anywhere.� I announced, kicking at the rug a bit with my toe. �But in return, I am going to get you help, and you are going to go to it.�
Perplexed, he asked, �Help?�
�A psychiatrist.� I told him. �Or else Dad will never let me hear the end of it.�
I waited for him to nod, before I looked at the sofa mournfully. �And you can sleep on the sofa tonight, if you want.�
Yeah, I was a good father��..
Kenshin used Kaoru�s first name and it surprised her. In Japan it is common to use the last name and end it with a �san. Using the first name so bluntly is like a signal that you are lovers or are married.
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Japanese people never bring their shoes into the house. It�s a definite no-can-do. All guests must leave their shoes at the door. As for who Yuki is, that will be revealed in later chapters, but if you must know, it�s a nick name for a person in this story.
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To Be Continued���
AN: Hopefully, some answers to questions will be in the next chapter. Now Kenji must go to see a Psychiatrist. This is as real-life as possible as I can make it, all. Please bear with me, and if you can PLEASE do review for me. I have yet to find the other chapters to this story, so I will be announcing my update on my profile. Please check it out and don't forget to review!
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