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Funnies

Equal Opportunity

One day, a sign appeared in an office window. It read: "Help wanted. Must type 70 words a minute. Must be computer literate. Must be bilingual. An equal opportunity employer." A Chihuahua ambling down the street saw the sign, walked in, and applied for the job.The office manager said, "I can't hire a Chihuahua for this job."
The Chihuahua pointed to the line: "An equal opportunity employer." So the manager said, "Okay, take this letter and type it." The Chihuahua went off to the typewriter and returned a minute later with the finished letter, perfectly typed. The manager, looking to stump the Chihuahua, said: "Here is a problem. Write a computer program for it and run it." Fifteen minutes later, the Chihuahua came back with the correct answer. The manager still wasn't convinced. "I can't hire a Chihuahua for this position," he said. "You've got to be bilingual." The Chihuahua looked up at the manager and said, "Meow."

11. Username is Chewy.
10. Insists on meeting in Petsmart instead of a restaurant.
9. Lists height as 10 inches.
8. Asks how old you are in dog years.
7. Thinks the "pause" button on the PC is misspelled.
6. Wants to know if you've been fixed.
5. Wants to know if your ears are clean.
4. Just had his house re-roofed for under $100.
3. Favorite pick up line: "Yo queiro Taco Bell".
2. Can't understand the fuss about sextuplets.
1. Shows unusual interest in schedule of "the e-mailman"

How do you know if your talking to a chihuahua online?

The 10 Commandments For Dog Owners
Author Unknown

1.My life is likely to last 10-15 years. Any separation from you will be painful for me. Remember that before you get me.
2.Give me time to understand what you want from me.
3.Place your trust in me. It is crucial to my well-being.
4.Don't be angry with me for long, and don't lock me up as punishment. You have your work, entertainment and friends. I have only you.
5.Talk to me sometimes. Even if I don't understand your words, I understand your voice.
6.Be aware that however you treat me, I'll never forget it.
7.Please don't hit me. I can't hit back, but I can bite and scratch and I really don't want to do that.
8.Before you scold me for being uncooperative, obstinate or lazy, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I'm not getting the right foods or I've been out in the sun too long or my heart is getting old and weak.
9.Take care of me when I get old. You too will grow old.
10.Go with me on difficult journeys. Never say, "I can't bear to watch," or "Let it happen in my absence." Everything is easier for me if you are there.
Remember, I love you!!!!!!!

"WHEN GOD CREATED CHIHUAHUAS"
On the first day, God created the Chihuahua.
On the second day, God created man to serve the Chihuahua.
On the third day, God created all the animals on earth to serve
as potential food for the Chihuahua.
On the fourth day, God created honest toil, so that man could
labor for the good of the Chihuahua.
On the fifth day, God created the ball, so that the Chihuahua might
or might not retrieve it.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the Chihuahua
healthy and man broke.
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but he had to walk the Chihuahua.

The Killer Chihuahua
Yip Yip Yip! Here comes the killer Chihuahua!!
Yap Yap Yap! Beware of me!
A 75 pound Doberman trapped in a 6 pound body!
Burglars, thieves and shadows hide!
For the killer Chihuahua takes his stride!
Make way for the Chihuahua, for he just might
Go up to you and take a big bite!

Dedicated to all the Chihuahuas with attitudes!

A Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a doggie bar having a cold drink when a good-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can creatively say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me." So, the Doberman quickly says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie remarks, "That's just not good enough." The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." The Collie remarks, "That's not creative." Finally, the Chihuahua speaks out, "Liver alone...cheese mine."

A chihuahua and a few of his canine stars took a trip to Tijuana. They went to a doggy bar and got a bit drunk. As they crossed back into the United States, the border guard stopped them. "Nationality" he said to Lassie. "Aamerrricannn" slurred Lassie. The border guard waved Lassie through. The guard asked each of the other three Hollywood dog stars the same question and waved them each through. When it was time for the chihuahua to pass, our little star showed the guard his green card while wobbling from side to side. The guard studied it carefully and asked some questions of the tipsy star. The border guard was still suspicious so he said "I'll let you pass if you can use three words in a sentence." "No problem, senor" our little star replied. "Okay, use green, pink, and yellow in a sentence." The chihuahua thought for a moment then said "The phone, it goes green, green, green, I pink it up, and say yellow!"