| I Hate You- January 13, 2004 |
| Oh yes! It happened again. I hate you, for that is a sin. You sit there taking it all in. Just sitting there....sitting there. A mask disguising your perfect face, painful memories that time can never erase. So happy you claim to be. But alone at home you see. You aren't the person you used to be.Too torn and battered inside. As if almost all of you has died. Sighing as you see happy faces, anger filling empty spaces. Never getting prayers answered, and you wish your enemies the cancer. A cancer so strong it would eat them away.Leaving only you to stay.Rude comments push you over the edge. "Go ahead," you say, "Push me off the ledge!" I HATE you!Your feelings are a fiery red. Sometimes you wish people dead. You regret ever having those feelings inside, you wash them away with the tears you've cried. Happiness does you more harm than good. It never stays with you the way you feel it should. I don't care, I still hate you! So quickly you get depressed. Always feeling worthless. I've never hated anyone this much before. I hate you, for you are me, you whore! |
| Drowning-February 14, 2004 |
| Stormy nights on the beach. Lightning strikes my eyes. The waves crash on my heart. The wind stirs my emotions. City street lights are distant, as you are from me. I'm too blind to see, the rain is too thick. Soaking wet am I, yet I still sit on the sand, sinking with every drop that falls. A deep forest is encaving my body. I'm losing sleep because my heart won't stop racing.This cannot be happening. Is it a dream? I stand up and run. Where am I running? I wish I knew. My feet.........pounding against a concrete sidewalk. There's no excaping myself. I don't want to run away anymore. The rain pours down even harder as I run back to my sacred place. There upon that rock on the beach, I feel invincible. Only the sounds of nature to haunt me. And only my ears to hear them. You can find me there, but I'll soon fade. You are the light, but I'm the darkness. A whirlwind of strength knocks me off the sacred rock. It is there that I fell into the water. How was I to know that I'd be forever drowning? Sometimes the most peaceful places can be the ones that hurt you... as it is with people. I'm still underwater waiting for someone to save me so my soul will be free. Don't be afraid; I can take the cold salt of the earth. I feel the entangled seaweed as I dip under. I'm trapped forever as I drown. I drown as a tear falls from my eye. My terrified mind races. Salty tears compose the oceans. It makes me wonder how many people are drowning like me. The gallons of water tell me that I am not the only one to suffer this fate. Down, down I go. A pale light escapes from above the water. My lifeless body will lie there untouched...forever. And though the drowning is over, the whites of my glassy eyes claim that my pain has only just begun. |
| Generosity- January 13, 2004 |
| I wish sometimes you would care. Why are your feelings not there? Must I feel them so much it hurts? It's such a curse. I despise the way they look at me. With nothing in their eyes but pity. There's nothing to be sorry for. I don't understand why you weren't like this before. You say you care, but you don't. You say someday you'll show me, but you won't. Burst into flames! Forget my name You never knew it, go figure. Burn! Now it's your turn. Take these feelings away. I'd give them to you any day. Feel my pain, hear my cries. Nothing will be okay. So why am I here? I should die. |
| Stalker-June 21, 2004 |
| I am a shadow. I move as you do. What good is it that I'm on the wall behind you? I am a shadow. I break in during the night. What good am I when I'm out of sight? Here I go again making my mark. I strike at the moment when light turns to dark. Here I go again, I'll try to stay this time. Don't tell the others, but I'm not the friendly kind. I am a shadow that moves when you aren't looking. Like the time in the kitchen when you were cooking. I am a shadow, but I'm not like the most I saw the flesh, but I did not boast. Here I go again making my mark. I strike at the moment when light turns to dark. Here I go again, I'll try to stay this time. Don't tell the others, but I'm not the friendly kind. I am a stalker. I spy in the night. But if you see me, I'll attack in broad daylight. I am a stalker. You've been doing so well. Don't tell the others. I want you all to myself. |
| Affection-June 21, 2004 |
| Show me something I've never seen before. From there I'll count the ways I need you more. Sing to me the song you play in your heart. Or just write it down. That's a good start. I want the affection of a love so true. It hurts me the most when I can't feel you. I want the affection I've never known. Only seventeen, but I feel I'm almost grown. Take me to a place you've always wanted to be. From there I'll make sure you're there with me. Dance with me a dance you feel in your soul. Or just hold my hand until we grow old. I want the affection of a love so true. It hurts me the most when I can't feel you. I want the affection I've never known. Only seventeen, but I feel I'm almost grown. I want a life I can share with you, too. Trust me, baby, I can give that to you. With an open heart, I will set you free. Hoping in reality you'll come back to me. But I want the affection of a love so true. It hurts me the most when I can't feel you. I want the affection I've never known. Only seventeen, I'm almost grown. |
| The Outsider-April 6, 2004 |
| Many faces I see as they pass by me. Surrounded by friends, but I'm alone. So alone. Not even a heart to own. Eyes diverting as I speak. Rumors from their mouths leak. One group down, two to go. Tapping a shoulder, I'm elated to talk. Never giving me the time of day as she stalks. Telling me lies as they all do. But how can it be this way? I thought I knew you. Behind your eyes I see deceit. I walk alone. My soul you all defeat. Closing the circle, I run around. Trying to be a part of it, you hit me to the ground. Two groups down, then it was one. Or one that I thought, but it came undone. All groups gone, none to go. I, the outsider, will never know. Never know the power of being accepted. But always knowing the feeling of being decepted. Always an outsider, nothing new. Never understanding why I wasted my time on you. Many faces I see as they pass by me. But to my surprise, they never see me. |
| Trials and Tribulations of Jennifer Antar |
 |
|