1) Do you feel stud belts:

a)       What are stud belts?

b)       Are essential to your punk rock wardrobe.

c)       Are cool because all your friends are wearing them.

2) What do you use to keep your mohawk up?

a)       A mohawk is the hairdo of a defeated people, man.

b)       hair spray

c)       glue/egg whites

3) Crass:

a)       I have their t-shirt, but they broke up when I was 8.

b)       Sucks!

c)       Sucks fucking ass, they should be killed!

4) A hardcore band to you is:

a)       Korn

b)       Strife

c)       Bad Brains

5) Hot Topic:

a)       I work there.

b)       Is ok for getting purple hair dye and shoes with flames on them.

c)        needs to be bombed

6) A shop rag is for:

a)       cleaning tools and your hands after you work on your car.

b)       To wipe the sweat off one’s brow after running around in the pit

c)       starched, pressed, and located in my back pocket.

7) Got any change?

a)       yes

b)       no

c)       That’s my line.

8) Records (vinyl) are:

a)       The medium of choice, CD’s are the tool of the man, man.

b)       Overpriced fragile crap that punks have a religious reverence for, lame.

c)        good for getting used ones at the local thrift shop

9) You want to see your favorite band play, but you only have enough money for the show or the bus ride     home. Do you:

a)       Try to weasel in for free.

b)       resign yourself to hanging out on the sidewalk so you can hear the band.

c)       see the show, walk home.

10) Where to you sleep? :

a)       at my mom’s house

b)       in the gutter

c)       in Silverlake

11) Skateboarding:

a)       is a crime

b)       is not a crime

c)       can be used as a weapon

12) DIY means:

a)       the name of a band, I saw them once

b)       what happens when you drink and drive

c)       Do it Yourself

  13) You say potato and I say:

a)       fuck you

b)       potatoe

c)       Is that a new band?

14) You’re 19 years old and you’ve seen:

a)       Minor Threat, no really!

b)       New Found Glory

c)       Bad Acid Trip

15) The Warp Tour:

a)       Went to every one, it’s great to see “new” bands.

b)       Went once, got beat up by frat boys.

c)       The what tour?

Answers: (1) a: 1, b: 2, c: 3 (2) a: 1, b: 2, c: 3 (3) a: 3, b: 2, c: 1 (4) a: 3, b: 2, c: 1 (5) a: 3, b: 2, c: 1 (6) a: 1, b: 2, c: 3 (7) a: 1, b: 2, c: 3 (8) a: 2, b: 1, c: 3  (9) a: 3, b: 2, c: 1  (10) a: 1, b: 2, c: 3 (11) a: 3, b: 2, c: 1 (12) a: 3, b: 2, c: 1  (13) a: 1, b: 2, c: 3 (14) a: 3, b: 2, c: 1 (15) A: 3, b: 2, c: 1

Score 15-21: One Spike. You think you’re punk? You’ve never been to mall, you have no goofy facial hair or bad tattoos. You’re the kind of guy who wears a white t-shirt to a death metal show. You most likely have a job and a car, have never begged for change or thought it was cool to be homeless. Chances are, you don’t look punk or even own any band t-shirts, and if you do, they are years old. You’re a geek, not cool, and therefore, not punk. You’ve played Dungeons & Dragons and like bands like Rush and Iron Maiden, so un cool, man. 

Score 22-27: Two Spikes.  You’ve dabbled in punk and may own an official punk-rock accessory such as a studded belt, or maybe you dyed your hair one time to piss off your parents. You’re not cool enough to work at a record store, but you can enter the more lame corporate ones without getting dirty looks from the employees. Independent thought happens for you some of the time, but occasionally, you find yourself humming along to the latest Sum 41 song that you saw on MTV. Only the discerning eye could pick you out of a crowd as a punk.

Score 28-33: Three Spikes.  You may have sideburns or a bad tattoo, gone to a mall, seen Minor Threat even though you were a sperm when they broke up. You’re pretty cool, man, pretty “punk.” Younger punkables look up to you, as you have got some of the look and attitude down. One time you even told your parents to “fuck off!” That was punk, man. You might have filled out an application at Hot Topic but got beat out by the fat goth girl with blue hair and three rings in her lips.

Score 34-40: Four Spikes. You’re so fucking punk, man! You’ve seen just about every band and every warped tour. At the last one, you got a tattoo of some flames and dice on the back of your neck; that was punk fuckin’ rock, man! You can quote guys like Chomsky and the singer of Bad Religion, even though he doesn’t even know what superlatives means (and neither do you for that matter), but that’s ok man, you have the respect of your punk rock peers, young punklings ask you how to get their mohawk so tall and how many times you’ve seen the Casualties. If you were still in Jr. High and not 27 years old working at an ARCO, you’d be the coolest guy on the block.

Score 41-45: Five Spikes. You are the king of the mall. When people see your porcupine head bobbin’ down the aisle they all give you the nod, you rule dude! Not only do you work at Hot Topic, you’re the fucking manager, man! When that new Distillers CD comes out, you’ve got it before anyone else cause you have not only seen them 100 times, but you are also good friends with them all! Punk Larvae gather around the old pair of bondage pants to hear you recant the tales of the “good old days” when you spit on that cop’s car while going to see the Misfits in ’84.  Too bad you’re only 19. Nothing surprises you, you’ve seen every band, and if you’re not the first one to discover them, they suck.