I have nothing against the English personally. As a matter of fact, I think they are just dandy. Sure, they're a bunch of racist bastards with no culture and the only thing they're famous for is tea parties, and the chinese make better tea anyway. But that isn't their fault, they were born into a society mocked by all other nations.

I guess they are good for one thing. Standing around aimlessly.
Do you ever see those fags standing in front of the queen's house? You know the ones with the big ass hats and red suits. They look like they are trying to be santa claus but they can't seem to get the costume right.
And back in the revolutionary war? They decided the only way to fight was to stand right in front of your enemy in plain sight, and shoot him.

Somehow I'm not surprised we won that one... hide being a rock, climb a tree, run away, wow I couldn't have figured that out.

But this article isn't about how stupid the English are, no they are quite a fine group of mates(that's what they call each other, I guess they fuck alot).
This is about how they invented the language we speak here in America, or the 'states' as they call it, and I can't seem to understand a word those assholes are saying!

Its like a group of Mexicans when the cops show up, all the sudden none of them speak English.

But seriously, all I ever hear is, "Top of the morning, blah bleh guh, bloke. emmy poof sput moick speckle bleh mate, alrighty'ho mooo poop caboose."

I'm from california, and we've done a few things of our own to this language to speak it, but I don't have any accent, YOU DO! Don't you dare tell me I have an accent! And even if I did, how come you can understand what I'm saying fine, but I can't understand a damn word you're using?

Its not because I'm dumb, it's because you Britans can't annunciate worth a damn. (Look it up in the dictionary...)

So there's only one way I can think of to cure this. We must force everyone in England, Australia, Northern U.S., most of Canada, and everyone who works at 7/11 to eat nothing but German food until they die of heartburn. This will take about 4 days.

Then I will take the personal responsibility to repopulate these countries, and I will teach them how to talk. Yes this sounds like a great burden, but I have about 3 billion sperm, so in theory I could double the population of the world in about 3 shots.

After this have been accomplished, we can all talk on the phone without getting upset and making everyone have to repeat themselves therefore lowering long distance bills world wide. I AM A GENIOUS!