| Now, you may be wondering what I have against this "dude". Let me tell you, my reasons (that's right, plural, reasons) are legitimate. It really began one dark, not so stormy, actually it was quite nice out, summer night in the year of 2001. I was playing with clay belonging to a middle aged acquaintance of My Fearless Leader. And so it began. A conversation being held between myself, the most honorable Number One, and My Fearless Leader slowly came around to the subject of Michael Olson. Now, this Number One and I had decided previous to this time that we were quite fatigued of hearing things like..."Michael Olson, he's so dreamy!", "Grrr, I wish that Michael Olson was mine, all mine.", "Oh my God! Michael Olson, I think I'm going to faint.", and "Tee hee hee, neato I wear pink polos.", etc. etc. So we expressed these feelings. It was at this point that My Fearless Leader chimed in and opened my eyes to the evil that is Michael Olson. I was so mad, I could have shook my fist, and I think I did. So, to recap the first reason is, My Fearless Leader told me to hate Michael Olson, as if that wasn't enough. Reason #2: What he did to Ninny was just wrong people. Not to mention that one time he gave me this look, oh man. Number One even told me that he talked to her once, and he said this stuff. Michael Olson. What a sad attempt of a man. May he be humiliated and shrink as a raisin is shrunk in the scorching, blazing, unforgiving hot mid summer sun. May he be squashed and trampled like a grape in one of those wine-vineyard-grape-squishing-tub-thingies. May he be tortured and terminated as my little brother David eats a frozen grape, peeled of it's skin, then chewed good and well. May his juices be extracted, concentrated, frozen, purchased, placed in a pitcher, mixed with water, and it shall be called Michael Olson juice. May his entrails be removed and transformed into a jelly-like substance, spread on bread alongside peanut butter, and may small children everywhere eat him in their lunchroom cafeterias. May the entire earth bite him, not because he is tasty, for I am sure that he is anything but. Instead for the sheer principle that he sucks and deserves it. |
