pageialmostrippedoutofmyjournal

Every day I understand you more
Every day I grow less afraid-
Of what you think
Of our differences
And of waiting for you.
Every day I see new signs
That God is faithful;
That God is real
And that what he wants done
Will happen.
This compelling evedence
Sways my life
In favor of my God.
Just for the record,
Mr. Hasty said he wished I was his daughter
And Mrs. Hasty said it was possible.
Just for the record,
He remembers the first time he saw me.
I came up with the name "Tetelistar"
And he has asked me to play on a cd.
Just for the record,
I already told him that I love him,
But he still doesn't really understand
What that really means.
Just for the record,
Elijiah Wood and Yo-Yo- Ma
Make my heart melt,
(Serioulsy, I'm crazy about them)
But there is something stronger than that
Which no one understands-
A certanty, a peace,
A lasting love of God-
That has led me to give my heart
To Micah Andrew Hasty.
I do not need him for completion
(Just for the record)
But I care deeply for him
And his growth in the Lord.
Just for the record
I know him better than I know myself
-And love him anyway.

For the Record

4/19/02
11:42 PM

But don't understand myself or what I want.
Because I was growing less attached.
I was already drifting away. No, growing away.
So many differences!
Why did I ever wait?

Even though I got what he was saying all wrong.

I did have a willing heart.

             'cause he rocks and loves me.
that doesn't mean it was a good idea.

      So do a lot of other people.
So did he. It was a cool name.
I'm the only violinist he knows. Who else would he ask?

Not really a bad move, actually. It helped me get over him.

Ha! I didn't either!

Only in superficial ways though... I don't know them.

Hmm... maybe because I was deluded?
It was okay then, but it didn't mean I should marry him.
Exactly. Agape- not eros.
Mistakenly

Thank God!

Also not a sure indication you should marry someone

   I should have taken the time to know myself
I thought if I "loved" him I had to keep "loving" him to prove it was real love in the first place. I also thought not loving him was being disobedient to God. Makes things complicated, huh?

How It Really Was