| I'm totally disgusted with myself. Disgusted that I love him. Disgusted that I keep wondering if there's hope for more when all we should be right now is friends. Disgusted that I cannot remain content in my circumstances. Searching for what I mean to the man all the time. Why does it matter? what would it change? I do not know. I only know that he's so unlike anyone else I know, yet so much like my family is it seems like everytime I talk to him it's like coming home. I only know that when I look in his eyes all is right with the world and he supports me and everything I ever wanted is within reach. And then I look away and the moments fade and I don't know where the hope came from. I'm frustrated that I'm so paranoid that I still don't know if he wants me around or not, even when he's told me on several occasions that he does care about me. Something's still not connecting between his brain and mine, and though it doesn't seem to bother him, it's driving me completely crazy because I'm addicted to him. Pure and simple. I'm totally addicted and I don't know if I should be at all. |
