Day Three

 

***Concierge Lounge***

 

John and Luka are looking over a map of the park.

 

[John] How many roller coasters are there here?

 

[Luka] I don’t know. Five maybe.

 

[John] Okay, I say we hit all the “mountains” today, at least.

 

[Luka] The Holy Grail of Disneyland!

 

[John] Hey, good term. I like it.

 

[Luka] Thanks.

 

[Deb] Hey guys. What’s up?

 

[Luka] We’re planning our day.

 

[John] We’re doing the Holy Grail of Disneyland first.

 

[Deb] That what?

 

[John] The Holy Grail.

 

[Luka] Splash Mountain, Matterhorn Mountain, Space Mountain, and Big Thunder Mountain.

 

[Deb] Ahhhh. Do you guys want to Jones too?

 

[John and Luka] Sure.

 

[Kerry] Hi evil, inconsiderate, co-workers.

 

[Deb, John, and Luka] G’day weak stomached, party pooping boss.

 

[Kerry] Don’t be critical; you should see Romano on that ride.

 

[John] Hey good idea! Thanks Weaver.

 

[Deb] I’ll go get him. Maybe we can get a picture!

 

[Luka] We might even be able to blackmail him!

 

[John] For more money!

 

[Kerry] Hey! This was my idea; count me in!

 

[Luka] But then you have to go on Jones again.

 

[Kerry] I’ll ride that damn thing to hell and back to blackmail Romano!

 

[John] Do ya think Elizabeth would get a kick out of this?

 

[Kerry] Probably.

 

[Luka] Benton, Abby, Mark, hell, everyone would like too see this!

 

[John] Yo Dave, get your butt over here!

 

[Dave (face stuffed)] Mhat?

 

[John] Do you want to see Romano on Indiana Jones?

 

[Dave] Mushahg sdhksjkhiusj

 

[Kerry (aside to Luka)] Is he speaking Croatian?

 

[Luka] Not the one I know.

 

[John] Finish chewing Dave.

 

[Kerry] You could choke.

 

[Luka] I thought you were a doctor.

 

[Dave] I am.

 

[Luka] Then why are you stuffing your face?

 

[John] That doesn’t matter. Dave, here’s our plan...

 

John whispers the plan to Dave and the others. They separate and get everyone else.

 

***Indiana Jones Ride, Adventure Land***

 

[Romano] Why are we ALL here? I thought we were supposed to stay out of each other’s ways on this trip.

 

[John] Well Doctor Romano, this is a very special occasion.

 

[Romano] Aren’t you the guy who went to Atlanta for drug rehab?

 

[John] Well...

 

[Elizabeth] Robert, didn’t you already ask that?

 

[Kovacsgirl] Oh right, you did.

 

[Romano] I did?

 

[Kovacsgirl] Yeah. Let’s see if I can erase those lines...

 

[Romano] No!

 

[Kovacsgirl] Oops. Actually, you haven’t asked that question. My bad. But I mean how could you not know that?

 

[Romano] What?

 

[John] That I went to Atlanta! You horrid little turd!

 

[Elizabeth] That’s my line!

 

[John] Is it? When do you say it?

 

John flips through a book labeled SCRIPT. Kovacsgirl grabs it.  

 

[Kovacsgirl] What is this?!?!?

 

[John] The script, duh.

 

[Kovacsgirl] No. That’s going to far.

 

[Dave] What do you mean?

 

[Kovacsgirl] I’m writing this! Not some other lunatic.

 

[Kerry] Are you saying you’re a lunatic?

 

[Fred] I’m a lunatic.

 

[Luka and Kovacsgirl] How did YOU get here!?!?!?

 

[Fred] I don’t know. I was a the admit, and suddenly I was here.

 

[Romano (looking in a crystal ball)] At least someone is doing their job.

 

[Kovacsgirl] This is getting waaaaay out of hand. Obviously, I’m not writing this.

 

[Peter] Well OBVIOUSLY otherwise you wouldn’t be he bugging us.

 

[Kovacsgirl] What do you have against me?

 

[Peter] I don’t know. You’re the author.

 

[Kovacsgirl] Agh!

 

[Luka] If you’re the author, how come your cue says ‘Kovacsgirl’

 

[Kovacsgirl] How do you know what my cues say?

 

[Luka] It says in the scr-

 

[Kovacsgirl] Give me that!

 

She torches the script.  

 

[Kim] Kerry! Why didn’t you call me. This looks like a psychiatric problem.

 

[Kovacsgirl] I am not mental!

 

[Kerry] Kim! I’m straight! I mean, how are you?

 

[Kovacsgirl] Umi! Ginger! Alanna! Damn, I can see your grinning faces now. I’m coming up there right now! Heaven help you!

 

[Luka] Wait!

 

[Kovacsgirl] What?

 

[Luka] Why does your cue say ‘Kovacsgirl’ and why does it have my last name in it?

 

[Kovacsgirl] Look, I got a problem to deal with. I’ll tell you later. But first... Bibidi-Bobidi-Boo!

 

Frank, Kim and the crystal ball disappear.

 

[John] Bye.

 

[Dave] We’re they go?

 

[Kovacsgirl] Away. Ta-ta my dear fictitious friends.

 

[Everyone] Bye.

 

Kovacsgirl disappears in a cloud of smoke. 

 

[Elizabeth] How does she BLOODY do that.

 

[John] God, we wasted a long time!

 

[Luka] Come on! These passes are almost out!

 

***Later, Same Place*** 

  

[Deb] You looked so funny!

 

[Dave] I can’t wait for these pictures to come out!

 

[Cleo] That’s the first intelligent thing I’ve heard you say this trip!

 

[Deb] This month!

 

[Peter] This year!

 

[Luka] Ever!

 

[Abby] We’re on our way to living like Aristocrats!

 

[Mark] Money, Money, Money!

 

[Elizabeth] Mark! I can’t believe you said that!

 

[Mark] I have to have a way to pay for that frigging surgery! I’m not made of money, you know.

 

[Elizabeth] True. Very True.

 

[Cleo] Just think, Peter! I’ll be able to repair the damage Kanysia did! And we’ll like happily ever after in our dream house!

 

[Peter] You could just sue her.

 

[Cleo] But that’s no fun. Plus I don’t know any lawyers.

 

[Doug] I’m a lawyer.

 

[Everyone] Doug!

 

[Doug] Everyone!

 

[Kerry] What are you doing here? And why are you a lawyer?

 

[Doug] I’m sick of peds. I wanted a mans job. He sees Luka Who the hell are you?

 

[Luka] Luka Kovac.

 

[Doug] Whoda, Whata?

 

[LUKA KOVAC. CLEAN YOUR EARS YOU IDIOT!] Read the cues, you woman stealer!

 

[DOUG ROSS. SPEAK CLEARER YOU STUPID EUROPEAN] So you’re the one who Carol almost married. You !@@!$%~~@~@!~#!!!!

 

[Fan Fic Police] Due to your explicit language, Mr. Ross, you can’t be in this fic any more.

 

[Doug] That’s doctor to you.

 

[Fan Fic Police] Sorry, you lost that title when you became a lawyer. It’s a good thing too, because Doctor Kovac is suing you.

 

[Doug] ???

 

Fan Fic Police drags Doug off.

 

[Luka] See you in court looser!

 

[Kerry] Gee, today had been very strange.

 

[John] I think we better go back to the hotel before anything happens.

 

[Abby] Anything ELSE you mean.

 

[John] Right.

 

[Romano] This entire part of the fic is crazy!

 

[Dave] This is a fic?

 

[Deb] You should see the TV show!

 

[Dave] There’s a TV show?

 

[Luka] Dave, you’re rubbing on my nerves.

 

[Cleo] And it takes a lot to rub on Luka’s nerves.

 

[Luka] I think that neurotic author ought to close this neurotic part of this neurotic fic before aliens come and level LA!

 

[Kim] I’m still available for psyche consults.

She looks at Kerry.

And more...

 

[Kerry] Augh! Hide me!

 

[Luka] God, maybe she DOES need to see a psychiatrist...

 

[Kovacsgirl] Nah, It’s Friday. ER was on last night. I’m always like this when ER is on. I’ll end this now. But it’s a good idea about the aliens. I saw Independence Day today. Maybe...

 

[Everyone minus Dave] SAVE US!!!!!!

 

[Dave] There’s a show?