Part Fifteen

 

Harmony picked up the phone. She was back home, after her shift. She was worried about Carter – of course – and really didn’t believe that he had told Kerry. She was worried about Luka too. She knew something was bothering him. He had been moody – sort of – ever since her attack, and she didn’t think it was her brush with death. He seemed… Oh, she didn’t know. She hadn’t really seen him at work, since he had gone somewhere today. But overall, all this was really beginning to get under her skin. She sighed and dialed a number.

 

“Hello?” 

 

Good, he’s home. God, I need someone to talk to. “Tony?”

 

“Harmony? What’s up? Are you ---“

 

“Ask me if I feeling okay and I will seriously kill you,” Harmony snapped.

 

“Whoa, Harm, calm down. I take it you get that asked a lot, hun?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Well, what’s the reason for the call?”

 

“Uh, yeah. Well, I have a lot on my mind and I have to talk to someone.”

 

“What about your friends in Chicago?”

 

“This is kinda concerning two of them, and if I talk to Kerry, I’ll get Carter in trouble, and… Well, it’s complex.”

 

“Okay, try me.”

 

Harmony sighed. “You know my friend John? Well, he went to Atlanta because he was addicted to drugs and when he came back, he thought he was…what do you call it?”

 

“Clean?”

 

“Yeah, that’s right. So, the night I was shot, he ended up popping some of his old painkillers.”

 

“Oh, that wasn’t smart.”

 

“I know,” Harmony agreed, “and then he came over here in Valentine’s Day and told me that he had taken the pills. So, I told him to tell Kerry, our supervisor.”

 

“And?”

 

“Well, he said he would, but I’m on shortened shifts, so I don’t know if he did and I’m worried sick,” Harmony said.

 

“Okay…”

 

“And I’m worried about Luka ---“

 

“Your boyfriend?”

 

“Right. Because he’s been acting kinda depressed lately and I don’t know why…”

 

“Why don’t you ask him?”

 

“Well…”

 

“Look, Harm, I don’t know what to tell you. I’m sure you can figure this out on your own.”

 

“I caught you in the middle of dinner, didn’t I?”

 

“Yeah, sort of.”

 

“I’m sorry. I’ll let you go now. See you later,” Harmony said and hung up. She sighed. That had been no help at all. She never saw any of her friends outside of work anymore. Selena had a new boyfriend, Mike and Katelyn were always wrapped up in on case or another, as they were both crime scene investigators. She had no idea where Kathryn got off to, and it really didn’t matter anyway, as she couldn’t talk to her about Carter anyway. She trusted Kerry, but again, Carter would be a sore subject. Maybe she could talk to her about Luka. Abby was nice, but not someone she could confide in. Elizabeth was wrapped up in Mark, and she didn’t really know Deb. She had friends in Kenya, but phone calls were out of the question. Maybe and old professor. She laughed to herself. Perhaps the professor who only spoke Croatian. Tony was her closest sibling, and he didn’t seem to care. She sighed again, feeling very lost indeed. She heard Luka come in. “Hi,” she said, looking up from her seat on the couch. Luka looked tired and rundown. “Are you okay?”

 

There it was again. The question that had been asked him over and over throughout the day. His whole life really. Over and over. “Are you okay?” after he had lost his family. “Are you okay?” after Carol had left. “Are you okay?” the night Harmony was shot. And his answer was always the same.

 

“I’m fine,” he said.

 

Harmony shrugged. “Okay. What do you want for dinner?” she asked, getting up.

 

“Can I ask you a question?”

 

“Sure.” Harmony sat back down. “Shoot.”

 

“Why do you go to church all the time?” he asked, sitting down next to her.

 

Harmony took a moment or two in order to think about the question. Then she shrugged. “I don’t really know. It’s not one of those thinks I think about real often, you know? I guess it’s routine. My parents always went and go now – my mom now, really. I was always expected to attend mass and when I went off to college, I did anyway. It’s kinda hard not to when you’re living in Rome, walking distance from the Basilica.”

 

“So you believe in God?”

 

“I don’t know. I suppose I believe in some ‘higher power.’ There has to be some sort of ‘thing’ controlling life. You know. Who lives and who dies, for the traits you’ll have, stuff like that,” Harmony said nonchalantly.

 

“Do you blame this ‘higher power’ for your attack? For Carter’s drug addiction? For…” Luka faltered and his voice began to crack.

 

“For what happened to you in Croatia? People make choices, Luka. The mind is incredibly powerful. If I could explain it…I’d be famous, or I’d be boiled in oil. Life’s a funny thing. If we could explain it, what would make it fun?” Harmony said. “What’s thins about anyway?” 

 

Luka frowned. Whenever Harmony got metaphorical and philosophical on him, it annoyed him deeply. Perhaps it was because he knew she was right. “The bishop came back today,” he said flatly.

 

“Oh,” Harmony said, the memories of the night she was shot, flooding back to her. She was going to say something, but Luka wasn’t finished.

 

“And I went to the cathedral with him.”

 

Harmony nodded and Luka considered her. He could tell that she was forming a statement. Probably something deep and scrutinizing. God, that was an annoying habit… Maybe not. She was just sitting there. Waiting for what he had to say next. When he remained silent, she spoke.

 

 “I don’t blame you for…” Harmony began, but it was her turn to falter, searching for the appropriate word. Believe? No, that was too concrete, and false too. Care? She was getting warmer, but still, this was a touchy subject… Want. Bullseye. That was the exact word. “I don’t blame you for not wanting to believe in a god,” she said simply. It was true. And, she didn’t want to get into a discussion – or argument – over the merits of religion verses atheism. She didn’t want to move Luka to the top of her list of things to worry about. It didn’t matter if he worshipped a god, a coffee cup, or nothing. She didn’t really care.

 

“What do you mean?” Luka’s words cut into her thoughts, roughly dragging her back to reality. She glanced at him. His dark eyes were resting intently on her face. What do you want? She longed to ask. Why was it easier to deal with Carter? Because she loved Luka. Or so she hoped.

 

She sighed. “If I lost my entire family because of a politician’s war, I would doubt God’s existence too,” she said gently.

 

“Politician’s war?”

 

“Most wars are, Luka. Think about it. World War Two, Gulf War, even the American Civil War, to an extent. While the politicians sit in the capitals, comfortable, planning their next campaigns – military and other – an their people are suffering. The leaders are never victimized, unless they’re killed.”

 

It was an interesting way of looking at it. The way a person who had no idea would speak. Luka sighed. Harmony really had no idea. He continued to stare at her. Oh god, if only she knew. He longed to have a way to show her what torture, what anguish he had gone through. Was going through. Harmony was the only person who could make him forget his past. When he was with her, the searing pain was eased. But today was different. He couldn’t stop thinking about, well everything. What had happened in Croatia. What the bishop had said. And now, what Harmony had said.

 

She seemed so blasé. She had a right to be. She couldn’t understand what it was like to lose your entire family. Hers was so large. It would be almost impossible to loose all of them. Moreover, she had never really fallen in love, enough to get married. She had no children – Jessi was excluded in this – and she didn’t have a husband. Next, she had lived in the US for most of her life. She had never lived in a war torn country, where everyday was a struggle for your life. And she could afford her insouciance. What would it have been like? To be rich. What would it be like now? To drown your pain in money. To have a smoke screen of riches. To never have had to worry. What would it have done for him? For his family? Maybe he wouldn’t be here, with Harmony. Did he want that? What if he could have saved his wife? What would have happened to Harmony? Would she have made it through the attack? Would she have gone crazy? Would she have died, thinking there was no one or nothing to live for? What if they had never met? What if…?

 

“Luka?” Her voice was like a life preserver, rescuing him from the icy, fearful depths of his subconscious. Her face was filled with concern now. “Are you okay?”

 

He heaved another sigh. “You have the right to know what really happened.”

 

Harmony frowned. “What really happened?” she echoed.

 

Luka ignored the question and began his story.

 

“When I was born, Croatia wasn’t even a country, as you probably know. I don’t want to give you a geography lesson, but it was Yugoslavia then. It was nice back then – peaceful. I grew up in a small town on the Mediterranean Sea. It was nothing like Chicago, or any of the other large cities in Croatia, but it was home. I know you’re a city girl, but you would have liked it there.” Luka stopped and smiled at Harmony. “We did a lot of swimming, and it was always warm. The sun shone always and everyone was so happy. It was one of those towns that everyone knows everyone else. You could go outside and all your neighbors would know what was going on in you life. It was a tight knit town. Also a tourist spot. That made it a bit annoying, but overall, it was great.

 

“I had a small family. Just my brother, my father and me. My mother passed away when I was born. She was never very strong – in body – and the doctors expected her not to make it through my brother’s birth. My brother is two years older than I am. My brother was expected to take over the family business, so I was practically free to follow my heart’s desire. Ever since I was very young, I knew I wanted to be a doctor. Maybe because of what happened to my mother, I don’t really know. My family was not extremely wealthy, not in the sense that your family or Carter’s is, at least. But, we had the money to send me to medical school in the big city. It was really the first time I had been in a city of that size, and at first it was very intimidating. And, every holiday, I went back to our little town on the sea.

 

“One summer, I met the girl of my dreams there. In my hometown. I went to the beach, and she was there – visiting with her family. It was almost love at first sight. We got to talking, and we found out that we were very similar. We exchanged addresses and kept in touch. She lived in the city where I was going to medical school. When I went back after the summer holidays, we began to date, and we got married.”

 

“What was your wife’s name?” Harmony asked. She had often wanted to ask that question, but had never had the nerve.

 

“Daniella.”

 

“What was she like?” Harmony was surprised at her own curiosity. It wasn’t normal for her.

 

“She was a lot like you. I think you are a bit taller, and her hair was longer and darker, close to Abby’s color. Her eyes were a gray-blue color, and she hated them. She often complained about them, but I loved them. She had quite a personality, fiery – like yours.

 

“Things were happy for a while, and our daughter Jasna was born. That was seven years ago. At the same time, your politician took control. The fire of the communist regime had been dead for close to three years and Eastern Europe had been carved up like a cake. Along with Czechoslovakia and the former Soviet provinces, Yugoslavia was changing. Now there was Croatia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Albania, Kosovo, and Serbia. This struck the match of insurrection, and the Serbs in Croatia revolted.

 

“As an E.R. doctor, I saw many war inflicted injuries. As a citizen, I saw many friends go off to war, many never to return. Even my brother went off to war. My best friend was killed five months after the start. Many of Daniella’s friends were widowed, some even younger than her.

 

“Two years after the start of the war, Marco was born. His birth was like a beacon of hope in our darkening lives. We knew we had to leave, but I wouldn’t. I had to finish my internship there. Soon, we couldn’t. The war looked like it was ending, and we would make it through without any losses. Then the war hit ground zero.

 

“There was an air raid siren that morning, and we were all prepared to go to the bomb shelter. It was just down the fire escape, maybe twenty feet. Then the “all clear” siren sounded. I had to go out to get something, and when I returned, a bomb had been dropped. I ran as fast as I could, to our apartment. I passed neighbors, those who reached out to me, begging for my assistance. I ignored them. I had to get to my family. When I got there, Marco was already dead; he had been crushed by fallen debris. Daniella called out to me. I rushed to her, her spleen had been lacerated, and she was bleeding to death. Jasna was unconscious. I began CPR on her, while calling for help. As long as I did CPR, she was still breathing. I hoped that if I just kept it up… If I had stopped CPR on Jasna and taken Daniella to a hospital, I could have saved her. But I couldn’t leave my daughter. I prayed, I PRAYED for someone to come, to help us. But no one did. I continued compressions on Jasna for six hours, until I was forced to stop from exhaustion.” Luka stopped, tears pooling in his blue eyes. “If I had just stayed there…” He broke into tears. 

 

“Oh, Luka…” Harmony murmured. Luka leaned his head against her chest and she ran her fingers through his dark hair, brushing it.

 

“Don’t ever leave me. Promise me Harmony, don’t ever leave me,” he said, his voice muffled, but still carrying a tone of urgency.

 

Harmony leaned her head on Luka’s, gently. “I promise,” she whispered. “I promise.”