Concretia welcomes us into her lavish estate. Lady Disdain and I had the luxury of attending the most recent of Ms. Cement's world renoun social gatherings. We flew in from Hollywood for a weekend of rest, pampering, and relaxation at the summer home of Ms. Cement in Greasy Knob, Georgia. The guest list ensured that only the finest people were there. Other guests included Peg Leg LeeAnn (the rumored Fiance of Concretia), and Goldilocks who was accompanied by her WonderDog Nikki. The guest list consisted of only the most FEEEbulous people from Hollywood.

When we joined Concretia in her bubble bath the news of the birth of her beautiful, bouncing, Baby Woo had recently hit the nation via the most reliable sorce of information in the known world...the Weekly World News. I asked Ms. Cement about her daughter and how this miraculous conception had taken place, as well as Baby Woo's plans for the future. She wiped away a tear and told us the heart wrenching tale of how her baby had already left her. Concretia was carefully educating Baby Woo, one day, on the correct method for cleaning a bath tub. "Use the Comet first, Dahlink, then the Scrubbing Bubbles. That way, the Comet grinds off all the dead skin, dirt, cat hair, & other such unpleasantries. Then the Scrubbing Bubbles will smooth it down, so yer butt ain't gritty." Concretia suggested, but Baby Woo would have none of it. She insisted that she liked the feeling of a good gritty tub on her butt, she would use the Scrubbing Bubbles first, then the Comet and Concretia would just have to deal with the fact that her daughter had her own ideas and opinions! This caused a great stand off between the two stunning beauties. Ms. Cement says that Baby Woo left home shortly after that, moving to a fine old home in South Carolina, where she could clean her tub as she liked. Concretia wipes away a tear and says " Part of bein a mother means letting go". When she finishes this story she starts into one on a happier note. The truth behind Baby Woo's conception and miraculous birth being that Concretia was not born with a uterus of her own.

Concretia settles back into her bath a nostaligic look on her face. She begins to tell us of the grueling 12 hour procedure she had to endure just so she could have a youngin' of her own. Doctors carefully constructed Concretia a uterus made from old pancakes with superglue holding it tightly together. Ms. Cement tells us that to this day she can have serious trouble if she doesn't keep it moist, as pancake batter has a tendancy to dry out over time. As she begins shaving her long, shapely legs Concretia begins into the story of how Baby Woo came to be.

Ms. Cement in a SPARKLING tub

Apparently Ms. Cement had been in Atlanta at the time and broke into a local sperm bank at 4 a.m. She and an unnamed accomplice sifted through the available vials until she found one that had suited her, it was the love juice of a Japanese Track star. This was the one she wanted. Taking the sample home with her Concretia explains how she artificially inseminated herself with a turkey baster, finally becomming pregnant and creating the bounciest baby in the world, Woo. When asked what Concretia hoped for her daughter in the future she replied that "it would be nice if she'd take after her father, become a little Japanese Track Star, or maybe become a game show host, she has such a pretty smile after all. You never know I just might have a little Jackie Joyner Kersey or a happy little Bob Barker on my hands!"

Concretia sighs and begins to drain the tub, preparing to step out and towel off. This reporter finds this the perfect time to scurry out of the grand bath and compose herself for the next interview. Next, we'll pry deep into the personal life of Ms. Concretia Cement in order to find out all the dirt of her engagement. So please, stay tuned to your Purple Pisces Palace for the latest breaking wind, er...uh...news that is.