The Purple Pisces

I began my life as the daughter of a servant to the King in a mystical land. I was such a beautiful child with wide, bright eyes and curly auburn locks. I had a nautural talent for dancing. I watched the princess as she took her ballet lessons and learned quickly and easily, much more easily than the club footed princess. One day while I was supposed to be scrubbing the Imperial chamber pots I was instead distracted by the music of a minstrel in the courtyard and began to dance like the wind. The King and Queen found me and instead of punishing me as I had expected, they were amazed by my innocent, angelic eyes and obvious talent. They decided on the spot that they could not let such a delicate beauty waste away in a world of poverty, chamber pots, potato farming, and princess tending so they adopted me as their own. Now, mind you, the Royal Court could not learn that the noble King and Queen had taken in a lowly serving girl as one of their own family, so I was sent off to learn the ways of the world at "Our Lady of the Highways Holy Sacrement Finishing School of Feng Shui for Girls."

I attended this school from the time I was 7 years old until I was 18. I made the mistake of telling one of the other little girls the sad tale of my true beginnings. This little girl that I originally believed to be my best friend soon told all of the other little girls my embarassing story. From that moment on I was secretly ridiculed and taunted because I was not really of noble birth. I did not let their cruel jokes stop me from learning all the school had to offer. My talent for dancing flourished under the teachings of Madame Michiru, which gave the other little girls even more fuel to their fires against me. I lived alone in a world full of people until that day when I was 16 years old. It was the day that Lady Disdain entered our school. Her raw personality and devistatingly good looks ensured that the other little girls hated her as well. This sealed our friendship. We became FEEEbulous friends as we learned the secrets of the world and the correct placement of a water fountain in one's home to ensure tranquility. The Lady and I stayed very good friends until our last year at school when there was a horrible mix up in the Library and we were sucked into an ancient Chinese book and forced to become Priestesses of warring countries. We made it back just in time for graduation, but the friendship was somewhat strained after that and we went our separate ways, back to our families for a brief time.

I returned to the castle to find that the Princess had been wed to a Potato Farmer named Shim and the whole Kingdom was in uproar. By default, I had become the country's only hope for a successful union with a prominent Prince of a distant land (the thought of it made me simply ill!). Upon my arrival to the Kingdom I was given a magnificent Debutante Ball to celebrate my comming out into society as the new Princess of the Silver Kingdom. Many elligible Princes were invited from lands far away to entertain the thought of enchanting the angelic new Princess. As all the Princes were forigners (a little too touchy feely for my taste, and disgustingly male on top of that) I continued to dance, twirling and spinning in my beautiful Imperial Purple dress, the gauzy material floating like wings behind me, ignoring them. In the confusion I created I failed to notice that I had in that one night been betrothed to a King with many wives and had many complaints to lodge at the end of the evening when I was packed up and shipped off to his palace in India to become the Queen of his Harem. It was all in vain, I was in fact the King's property and there was nothing I could do about it. It was my duty to unite our Kingdoms.

I lived in the Indian Palace for a little over two years. Although living in the Harem itself wasn't that bad (as I was taught their native dances and got to spend lots of time with his many wives...wink, wink, nudge, nudge!), the thought of the King himself made my skin crawl. Eventually there was much turmoil over the fact that I had not yet produced an heir, let alone even consented to sleep with the King. I refused to accept the fact that I had been schooled so eloquently, all so I could produce six to ten heirs for the King (whom I hated), when all I wanted was to see the world that I had learned so much about. I decided that I must escape to a world where I could be free. I enlisted the help of the second wife, who stood to be in a very lucrative position with me out of her way, and managed to scurry away in the confusion that overtook the palace every night after dinner.

I took what little money and jewlery I had and headed for Japan to become a Hair Model. My beautiful curly auburn locks and large green eyes soon took me to fame and fortune, although I had to keep a tight lid on my identity to avoid being found by the Indian King. I rose quickly through the ranks of Caucasian women, dancing my way to the top. I went on to star in the traveling version of "Sailor Moon on Ice", touring the Japanese countryside. In one small town, known as Tenri, I was skating the final pas de deux with my beautiful Prince Endymion (who not only thought himself very beautiful, but also very GAY) when I saw a familliar face in the crowd that stopped my heart momentarily. I kept my composure and finished the show. I returned to the ice for my final bow and saw her in the front of the crowd. As I glided to the front of the ice to collect flowers and gifts from my adoring fans she stepped forward and handed me a single black rose. It was Lady Disdain. I lept from the icy stage and threw my arms around her neck, wounding only two of my adoring fans. She told me that she had seen my face gracing a touring poster and couldn't resist. She had decided that she wasn't going to let our awful past stand in our way any longer. I told her that I had left it all behind with the Feng Shui School for Girls and related the tale of my journey to greatness. We were again instant friends.

I finished my season with "Sailor Moon on Ice" and much to the dismay of my fans did not sign on for another one. Lady Disdain returned to her mansion in Hollywood and I followed with my wonderful Butch dream that I had picked up in the Center of the Universe (another story for another day...), purchasing a mansion on a neighboring hill, equally as fabulous. This is where I stand today, the daughter of a servant, a Princess, a Queen, an Ice Skating/Dancing Diva. My time is consumed by important social events, working with the poor children covered in flies that Sally Struthers talks about, producing performance art, and teaching a few master classes for the New York and Los Angeles Ballet Companies on occasion. It has been a long hard road, but Karma has ensured that it was all well worth it.

Lady Disdain and Purple P at school in our beloved uniforms