-OuTcAsT-
-part THREE-
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-My head felt like it was filled with mist. My arm throbbed painfully, blood dripped from my nose. how ugly i must look now. I thought. My hair was ratty and unkempt, i was hungry, tired, and wet from the damp leaves. it HAD to be at least 9:00 pm. I had been hiding out here since about three. In my time sitting here, i had stared blankly out at the trees, even when it had started to rain, i staired unblinking into the mist forming. The mist wasnt however actually there, it was in my head, whafting the thoughts i had bushed from my mind around like flies. I swatted at them continuesssly with my subconsious. But, the most disturbing thing, i thought, was the fact that absolutely no-one had come out looking for me.
Just then, i felt this strange, overwhelming urge to vomit. i did, seconds later, spewing out all over the rust and flame colored leaves. my head spun, my stomache ached- I wanted to go back inside.
But i didd'nt. Hours later, I woke again. i stood and took a short walk to the top of a hill. I staired up at the moon, its waxy grateness shone down on me, giving my skin a milky tone.
"Why?" I whispered. "Why me?" The moon, the wind, the sky, none of them had the answer.
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The next morning, i stumbled back into the house, my father however was no-where in sight. Not like i cared. I meandered throughout the house, running my hand along all of the tables, savoring the glassy feel. How good it was to be inside.
I wandered into the kitchen, when a glint of silver caught my eye. A knife lay on the counter, glinting invitingly at me. I hesitated, thinking that what i was thinking was stupid, that i shouldnt even THINK about it. I reached foreward and held the knife, marveling at its surprisingly smooth handle.
I thought of all the things that were bad in my life, then i tried to think of the good ones-
There were none.
I swallowed hard, this is wrong, i thought as i ran the blande down my arm, stopping at the wrist. I prayed for the courage to press down. I was'nt able to summon up the courage. I was a nobody, a loser, a COWARD.
I raised the blade to my throat, i tried to press down, but i was trembling so much i lost contoal and broke a jagged cut under my chin. I dropped the knife, pressing my chin to my chest, watching the blood run onto the floor.
Yes. I thought. I finnaly had done something right.
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It was sweetheart who found me. she said she had found me, passed out on the kitchen floor, in a puddle of Blood. She had called 911, and rode with me to the hospital, awake by then, i was cast a full blow of lectures. (by sweetheart, Who sobbed hystarrically half the time.) Teddy eventually had come to pick her up. she protested, but he convinced her anyway.
I was sorry to see her go. It was nice having someone there. my father, and my friends had showed up, but none stayed. they all said, 'i needed time alone' but that's not what i wanted. they diddnt know, but i somehow felt that they were just afraid. afraid of me, the freak who had sliced herself up with a butchers knife.
I sat up in the hospital bed, and gazed out the window. a black raven alighted on a tree branch. it stared at me. into me. I stared strait back. I felt as if it had something to give me, a message perhaps. I held out my arm, and stared at the cut, into the cut, just as the raven had done to me. I tried to think of my feelings, to my surprise, i found a deep sense of, of- sadisfaction. for a moment, i was tottaly creeped out. but then, as i thought about it, the pain i had felt, as i ran the blade down my arm, the pain, the blood, they had represented my tears, my sorrow.
I looked back up, to see the raven take flight, spread its wings toward the setting sun.
"Thank you," I wispered. "Now i see what i have to do..."
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-i hope u enjoyed, OUTCAST. I will get workin' on my next story ASAP! see ya then!-