* * * * *
~I’m not looking for someone to talk to
I’ve got my friends, I’m more than O.K.
I’ve got more than a guy could wish for~
* * * * *
Love.
I used to scoff at the word. Laugh at it, ridicule it, taunt it. I would sneer at those caught in its web of illusion and fantasy. My eyes would sparkle with a sense of superiority at those stupid enough to fall for its trick. It was a simple four letter word, which held no special meaning for me. It was nothing but a mere trinket to entertain those who thought they had found their ‘other half.’ It was for those who were weak and couldn’t find anything better to do with their pathetic lives. It was an excuse to live outside reality and to stay away from the pains that came with the world.
I didn’t need it. That word. I was fine on my own, living each day with enemies and so-called friends. Even if they were a bit of asses, my two ‘comrades’ were the closest things I had to real friends. Besides, I have practically everything anyway. The wealth and the power were what I used to thrive for. I’ve got more than what anyone could wish for. Love could just pack up and leave. Say good-bye. Sayoonara. It was a word which had already worked its magic on more than half the population at school.
And I had fallen in its spell as well.
* * * * *
I live my dreams but it’s not all they say
Still I believe I’m missing something real
I need someone who really sees me
* * * * *
Surprised, are you? I don’t blame you. I don’t exactly have the reputation for falling in love. I’m someone dark and forever connected with it. Heh. Special thanks to my father for the last part. I can never escape the duty given to me even before I was born. I am linked to the one person my father worships, and I secretly loathe. He gave away my freedom and I didn’t even know it.
It seems like I have everything I want, doesn’t it? I’m living my dreams. That doesn’t mean I’m not missing anything. I need someone to see me for who I truly am. Not a bully or a tyrant. I feel incomplete and lonely. Maybe that’s why people spend practically their whole life trying to find the one that will stand by their side for eternity, maybe even more. Pureblood and mudblood alike.
What?! Don’t glare at me like that. I do know how insulting mudblood means. Old habits die hard. I even feel guilty about calling that Granger girl that four years ago. Damn. Look how much I’ve softened up! And for who? A non-pureblood to say the least. Argh! Why is this happening to me of all people?! Why couldn’t it just have hit Potter instead of me?
* * * * *
Don’t wanna wake up alone anymore
Still believing you’ll walk through my door
All I need to know it’s for sure
Then I’ll give all the love in the world
* * * * *
Crabbe and Goyle are staring at me like I’m insane. Bet any one of you twenty thousand galleons that I am. It does not make any sense at all how I, out of all people, could fall in love. It isn’t possible. Not at all. Hell would have to freeze over. The stars would have to fall down to Earth. I would have to join Gryffindor. Harry Potter would just be an ordinary Muggle.
I can’t help but steal glances at her through the corner of my eye. One would think I had already memorized her face by the countless times I’ve looked over at her. Actually, I have. The way her hair swishes around her when she turns her head. When her eyes twinkle with laughter when someone converses with her. How her pink, luscious lips curve into the most sunniest smile I ever saw. It makes me just want to grab her and kiss her right in front of the whole class, even if it is Snape’s Potions class. I know I’m his favorite, but I think even he would disapprove if I decide to do that.
Sometimes, when I’m lying on my four poster bed, I stare at nothing. Just thinking. Letting myself get lost in a sea of memories and worries. I allow myself to daydream and smile, actually smile. Not smirk. Smile. I dream that she’ll walk right through my door and tell me everything I want to know. To reassure me that I’m not actually dreaming and that she loves me as well. If that ever happens, which I entirely doubt, I would give her everything.
* * * * *
I’ve often wondered if love’s an illusion
Just to get you through the loneliest days
I can’t criticize it - I have no hesitation
My imagination just stole me away
* * * * *
I don’t notice as Snape hovers in front of me, too caught up in my perfect daydream. "Malfoy?" He frowns as I don’t answer him. "Mister Malfoy!" I jump up, startled, and stare at him with a surprised look. "Glad you decided to join us. What are the ingredients you need to heal a bite from a werewolf?"
I gave him a stupefied expression.
"Well?"
"I don’t know, Sir," I admitted sulkily.
"Five points from Slytherin," he stated.
That produces lots of gasps from both the Gryffindor and Slytherin sides of the room. Snape had always favored the Slytherins and myself, but I guess I just caught him in a bad mood. I hear light snickering in the back, so I look there. I see and glare as Potter and Weasley snicker to themselves quietly, while the Granger girl also glares, but at them disapprovingly. I could see my crush staring at me curiously and immediately, I look to the front of the class, my cheeks burning.
"Malfoy, you okay?" asked Crabbe.
"Yes, why?" I replied, irritated.
"It’s just... you’re all red," commented Goyle.
I could feel more heat rise in my cheeks. "Its nothing," I lied. "Just feel a little sick is all."
The two stare at me for awhile but then shrug. "Whatever you say." Sometimes they can be really dumb.
"As Mister Malfoy and all of you should know," Snape started. "There is no cure for a werewolf’s bite. There are some potions one can drink to keep the werewolf side of you tame, but that’s all. Wizards and witches have been trying for centuries to try and find a cure," he informed.
I could’ve hit myself in the head. I knew that! See?! It’s starting to infiltrate my mind. The little effects of whatever love did to you. I think love is just something an age old wizard created so most of us can get through the days... So we would have something to hold onto. Is there really such an emotion? Or is it all fake? Nothing but an illusion?
* * * * *
Still I believe
I’m missing something real
I need someone who really sees me
* * * * *
As class ends, I gather my things and head out the door, not even bothering to wait for the two blubbering idiots. I walk slowly as I see her ahead of me. She’s actually walking by herself. Alone. A girl like her should never be alone. Someone should always be by her side, unlike me. I don’t deserve anyone, not even two imbeciles like Crabbe and Goyle. Maybe I should go and talk to her? Would that seem weird? Conceited? Scary? Disgu-
What in bloody hell?!
What is Potter, out of all people, doing talking to my girl?!
* * * * *
Don’t wanna wake up alone anymore
Still believing you’ll walk through my door
All I need to know it’s for sure
Then I’ll give all the love in the world
* * * * *
Argh! Potter wants all the fame, and now he wants my girl?! No way, no how! Wait a minute... My face falls as I realize that she’s not my girl. Damn.
I sneak up behind the two, and they don’t notice me. She’s smiling at him brightly, and I feel an angry boiling feeling well up within me. Why does Potter always have everything that I want? How I wish that smile would be directed to me...
"Arigato, Harry-chan!" she said to him.
"No problem, Usagi-chan," Potter replied. "So, have you done anything yet?"
For some reason, Usagi blushes at what Potter had said. "Iie," she answered in Japanese.
"Why not?"
"I don’t know. It would never work out."
"How do you know that?" he asked softly.
"We’re too different," she answered.
I swear I could see tears sparkling in her beautiful blue eyes. I resist the urge to just run and envelop her in my embrace. I wouldn’t want her to flinch... because I know that’s what she would do. She’s hurting... I can feel it. Please... anyone, someone... even Potter for all I care... Just make her feel happy again. I don’t deserve that privilege.
"Usagi-chan, as much as I hate to say this," Potter started hesitantly. "You should tell him. I don’t like seeing you sad. You’re one of my best friends, and this is depressing you. Go to him."
I feel my heart slowly tearing. Usagi... my Usagi... she has feelings for someone. Now that little tiny ray of hope I’ve always had somewhere deep in me... is gone. It’s extinguished... I knew this day would come... but not so soon. Is there anyway to stop this pain?
"But... what if he doesn’t like me? What if he rejects me, Harry-chan?" Usagi asked tearfully.
Someone reject her? I nearly laugh aloud at that thought. Never going to happen. She really doesn’t notice how beautiful or charming she is.
"I don’t think... I don’t think I could stand another heartbreak," she added, rubbing away her tears.
"Usagi," Harry said. He tilts her head up so she’ll look at him. "You’ll never know love again, if you keep trying to run from it. It will find you one of these days. Sometimes you must risk your heart to experience true love." His eyes flick toward me and I freeze.
* * * * *
Love’s for a lifetime, not for a moment
So how could I throw it away
Yeah I’m only human
And nights grow colder
* * * * *
Did he see me?
I breathe deeply as he just continues to talk to Usagi, seeming like he never saw me. What am I doing acting like a damn wanker?! Am I afraid of Harry Potter now? I sincerely hope not.
"Harry-chan, I’m just not sure," Usagi said, breaking from his grasp.
"You’ll never know," he whispered, suddenly pulling her close.
What in Slytherin’s name is he doing? Oh no. He’s not going to- He wouldn’t dare- He’s not allowed to-
My jaw drops open as Potter brings his lips down to hers. Bloody. Hell. As the two embrace, my fists clench and unclench. I guess that’s it then. It’s over. I truly lost her. I gave up the many chances I’ve had to, for once, give up my pride, and let my heart rule. I just threw love out the window... again.
Wait.
Shouldn’t I be happy? I wanted this... right? I wanted love to leave me alone. To just go away a few minutes ago, didn’t I? I should forget this whole mess. Potter or whoever she likes can have her. I’ll just go back to being the enemy and bully of the whole school, and everything will be right again. Everyone will loathe me once more, and I can go back to beating up Crabbe and Goyle when they don’t get something done right. I’m going to go back to the fire and heat of being bad.
Then why do I feel so cold?
* * * * *
With no-one to love me that way
Yeah I need someone who really sees me
And I won’t wake up alone anymore
Still believing you’ll walk through my door
* * * * *
Suddenly, I’m feeling this strong urge and I’m only seeing red. I walk right up to the couple - gag - and I break them apart. Before I know what is happening, the fist at my side flies at Potter’s face. He staggers back as I make contact. He stares at me with mixed emotions. There is the expected anger, but where’s the usual hatred? There’s something else as well. Something- something like... respect and hints of triumph. Why is that there?
Never mind that. He took her away from me. Damn him. I glare at him as we continue our staring contest. Why? Why?! Why! He always takes everything. The fame, the glory, the attention. Now he takes her! I tremble slightly as I advance on him. As I stand practically nose-to-nose with him, he doesn’t even blink.
"Damn you, Harry Potter!" I hissed. "Damn you!"
I turn on my heel to see Usagi staring at me, shocked. Her eyes are masked however. I can’t read what she’s feeling... thinking. She probably sees me as a monster. A horrible, evil monster. Please... why can’t someone see me... for me? I run past her, unable to stare at her flawless face any longer. As a result, I don’t hear the conversation that does on between her and my rival, Potter.
"Harry-chan! What did you do that for?" Usagi asked.
"I’m sorry, Usagi-chan. I really am," Harry apologized. "I was just testing him."
"Testing who?" she demanded.
"Malfoy."
"Why?" she asked.
"Usagi-chan, it’s pretty obvious now. He likes you, possibly even loves."
She turns a nice shade of pink. "Wh- what? Ho- how do y- you know?" she stuttered.
"He was standing behind us, watching, Usagi-chan. I could see the jealousy in his eyes. I wanted to test it. Looks like it worked," he commented, wincing as he touched the bruise on his cheek.
"You actually think-"
"Yes," Harry answered automatically. "I know it. Or else he wouldn’t have punched me."
"It’s not possible... it couldn’t be..."
"It could and it did, Usagi-chan. Draco Malfoy has fallen for you."
"....................."
"Believe it. Your crush has fallen for you," Harry repeated. "Are you just going to let him get away?"
"I don’t know what to do!"
"Go after him! Free your heart!" he exclaimed.
"I don’t deserve him."
"Usagi, that’s the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard you say before. Malfoy doesn’t deserve you. You are worthy of anyone. Whoever ends up with you will be the luckiest guy in the magical and Muggle world."
"Really?"
"Don’t tell Ginny what I’m going to say. She’s going to get really jealous and is going to kill me. I value my life and my girlfriend, so please keep your lips sealed," Harry warned. At Usagi’s nod, he continued. "You’re gorgeous, Usagi-chan. Not only that, you’re a wonderful and cheerful person to be with. Your differences with Malfoy should not keep you two from being together. You deserve happiness... and if that happiness lies with Malfoy, then that is where you belong."
Usagi blinked, awed by his short speech. "Thank you, Harry-chan," she murmured, kissing his cheek before running off.
Harry watched her go, before smiling. ‘Malfoy... take good care of her.’
* * * * *
You’ll reach for me and I know it’s for sure
Then I’ll give all the love in the world
* * * * *
Pain.
Something I didn’t want to deal with. Emotional pain is something I’m not entirely ready for. This is why I didn’t want to fall in love. I knew the consequences, and yet I did. Why am I cursed? Someone just tell me. She’ll never love me. She can’t love me. Just- just- make it go away! I pound the grass by the lake, frustrated. I’m destined... to never have anyone.
"I am... alone," I whispered to nothing but air.
"No... you’re not," a voice, that was all too familiar, said.
I whirl around, startled. I see Usagi standing right behind me as I force myself not to get lost in her eyes. "What do you want?" I asked coldly, wincing inside.
I see a flash of hurt pass through her eyes. "I just... never mind," she said, and turns to walk away.
No! "Wait, Usagi!" I called, running in front of her. She looks down, but I force her to look at me. "What were you going to say?" I asked.
"It’s not important," she replied.
"Liar."
She giggled nervously, before stepping back. I feel a warmth spread through me as I realize I did that. I made her laugh. I actually made her laugh! Can you believe it? I let a small smile creep its way onto my face.
"Well... I just wanted to..." she started hesitantly, after composing herself.
"Yes?" I prompted, a tiny ray of hope shining in my soul.
"I... I..." She began to pout, and she looked so cute right then. "I can’t..."
Screw pain and heartache. Who cares if she rejects me? If I could just have one moment with her... I’ll be able to live. Just one timeless moment...
Like a starved man, I reach forward and pull her into my arms. I lessen the distance between us as I bend my head, ready to have my first drink of life. As our lips make contact, I feel unbelievably... fulfilled. When she begins to respond just as eagerly, I tighten my arms around her small waist. She, in turn, wraps her arms around my neck. But... is this possible? Or is she just toying with me?
Reluctantly, I pull away from her, and a question is in her blue orbs. I back away a few steps, avoiding her gaze directly. "No..."
"What do you mean?" she asked, innocence radiating from her.
"I’m not worthy of you," I stated, realizing it as the truth. "I’m horrible... I don’t deserve anyone..."
"That can’t be true."
"Oh, it can," I muttered bitterly. "I am the darkness, Usagi. Stay with me, and be conquered. Or leave me, and be free."
She shakes her head and takes a step towards me, but I move back. "You’re fooling yourself..."
"You don’t need me! You’ll never need me!" I suddenly exploded. "You have real friends! You have a family that cares about you! You already have everything!" I’m so confused... do I want Usagi or not? Here’s my chance... will we... be able to make it?
"No, I don’t."
"You should be grateful! You have everything any sane person would need or want!" I exclaimed, before my voice suddenly becomes quiet. "Face it, Usagi. If we let this go any further, it would never work out. You don’t need me."
".... You’re right."
Great. I’m right. Okay, now it’s time to move on. Just ignore the pain and walk around her- why am I not moving? I look up, only to be lost in her eyes. It held determination and... and... love. Love.
"I may not need you, Draco-chan," she stated. "But I want you." She closed the space between us and stretched her hand towards mine.
As our hands clasped together, I realized that, for the first time, it was real. It wasn’t a dream. It was for sure. We both weren’t ready to say those three words aloud yet... but I knew the time would come. "Usa-chan... we’ll have tomorrows," I whispered.
"No, Draco-chan," she replied. She kissed me gently and tenderly, never letting go of my hand, leaving tingles spreading. As she pulled back, twinkles dotted her sapphire orbs with elements of laughter. Our contact broke, but she stood in front of me, golden hair blowing in the breeze.
"We have forever."
* * * * *
(Don’t wanna wake up alone)
* * * * *