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| ten days from here, ten feet from now i think thats where i finally broke through/ i think thats where i finally came to/ i think thats when i finally came to believe in this/ to believe in me/ to see the world as it was/ as reality/ & not through a pair/ of cellophane goggles/ i dont know how much longer/ this will take/ i dont know how long/ it will be/ until i wake/ until i break/ free from this stupor/ i havent known what to do/ for the longest time/ i havent seen the sun shine/ for the longest time/ & im sick of rereading the words that u wrote me/ they only make me feel tired inside/ & im sick of replaying/ every scene we were ever in/ over and over/ again in my head/ im just so tired/ but i cant seem to get to sleep/ i cant seem to stop tossing & turning/ & i cant find my way/ out of here anymore/ i cant find my way/ out of u anymore/ i have let myself get lost/ in what memories i have of u/ the books/ the notes/ the zines/ i read them again & again/ i cant get u out of my head/ its futile because/ i have them all memorized already/ but i read them/ & trace ur words with my fingertips/ i touch the place where u wrote ur name/ to me with love/ & then i cry/ im stuck in a rut/ in a right angle/ ninety degrees of u/ ive got to forget u/ but i really dont want to/ why should i let go/ of whats possibly the best thing/ thats ever happened to me/ where will i be/ ten days from here/ ten feet from now/ ill tell u/ ill be in the same fucking place i am now/ missing u/ i need to get out/ but i dont want to leave/ u can show me the door/ u can give me the key/ but i might tell u to shove it/ yes i might prefer/ this tortured existence of recollections of u/ to a reality in which u dont speak to me/ i can say this all now/ because i know of no door/ i can conceive of no way out of hear/ out of this/ of no way out of u/ if i found the way out/ i might take it i think/ but i dont have to think about that yet/ because so far/ i ahvent found a single fucking door/ that wasnt locked/ & u had swallowed the key/ u had swallowed me/ whole/ u had swallowed/ my soul/ & stolen the key. creed i would walk across water for you i would bathe my soul in fire for you scolding ablution searing absolution even for you it would not do if only you knew how i would recant if you thought me a heretic how i would prostrate myself before your god i would lay on a bed of nails for you i would walk on a bed of coals for you anythign that i can do it is for you it is yours for the taking im yours for the shaping come play the potter as i play the clay come play god my god wont get in your way cotton candy queen (a series of three poems) she stands there. in her cotton candy cat suit. all pink and fluffy. and sweet. she dances and. shakes her hips. to the beat of the music. keeping time. with the tune. shes like cotton candy. sugary sweet. so good to eat. but the problem. with cotton candy is. it dissolves so quickly. like so many clouds. it collapses in upon itself. at the lightest touch. at the softest breath. the softest sigh. so look but. you cant touch. this cotton candy queen. if you entangle. yourself. your fingers. you might get sticky. with her clingy. illusion of softness. it draws you in. until you have to. touch it. taste it. and as it loses. its substance. and falls in on itself. dont be surprised. after all. its only cotton candy. its just an illusion of depth. so watch out for the. cotton candy cat. cotton candy cool she reminds me of cotton candy sweet sugar bliss like the taste of a kiss taht presses lightly on your cheek then floats away dissolving into a spectrum of senses emotions like spun sugar wrapped around my soul cotton candy cruel she reminds me of cotton candy sugar spun sweetness with no substance looking large only to crumble inward upon yourself to dissolve into oblivion at the first kiss at the first touch of the tounge your overwhelmingly sickly sweetness leaving its rotting stench behind to make holes in my soul to make holes in my teeth you are my cavity my sweet captivity |
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| the age i live in i need to lay off/ i need to get off/ i need to get on and off of this/ its a crazy mix/ of crazy chicks/ and crazy guys/ who all tell lies/ and share their secrets/ no one keeps it/ locked up at night/ we all know the ending/ before the beginning/ we all know what happens/ when you turn out the light/ its an age of illusions/ that dont allude anymore/ its the age of a corridor/ void of a door/ its the age of acting innocent/ when youre a long way from a saint/ its an age of hiding under black and white paint/ its an age to make mischief/ make nonsense/ make art/ an age to make music/ to lay back/ to bark/ like a cat/ to pretend youre a dog/ to pretend youre insane/ to pretend lifes a game/ its an age that permeates the skin/ i live in/ and it hurts/ just like dirt/ when i dont let it in/ thats the age i live in/ so come partake of the madness/ partake of the sadness/ the strangeness that is us/ the meanness within us/ the greenenss within us/ come weigh me down/ with your words without wisdom/ your wry criticism/ you wield like a knife/ just one more slice/ one more bite/ to the bone/ playing telephone/ from one ear to another/ until the messge is so mutilated/ that you cant take it/ and you have to let loose/ and laugh/ at the rest of us/ laugh with the best of us/ and no criticisms/ no witticisms/ and no knives/ just madness/ and sadness/ and the demons/ within us. pretend lets keep picking at old wounds/ lets bring things up too soon/ lets look each other in the eye/ then look away/ and start to cry/ lets pretend that we are well adjusted/ lets pretend that we are not disgusted/ with events/ lets pretend that we arent bleeding/ lets pretend that we arent barely breathing/ that we arent desperately needing/ each other right now/ lets pick at the scabs/ and scrape at the scars/ lets pretend/ that we havent gone too far/ to turn back now. |