Kristina sat in the majestic white room in a soft brown leather skirt and ivory peasant top with cross your heart tan and gold embroidery an the chest and for arms. She tapped her foot and looked at her wrist, expecting to see her watch, but then she remembered: dead people don't need watch's.
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
She crossed and uncrossed her legs impatiently. "I know! I know! Patience is a virtue!" She grumbled at a crack of lightning she heard. "But I just wasn't born with that. And even in death, I'm just not patient!" She chuckled and playfully shook her head. "I'll get it one day! HONEST!!"
so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
She looked up as the door opened and in stepped Courtney. She stood to greet her. "You're here!" She said and went to hug her.
Courtney just stood there in shock as Kristina hugged her and pulled away. She looked at her friend closely. There were no signs of her death, no injury or marks.
"Courtney?"
"But.. But.. You're dead!" Was all that she could manage.
Kristina chuckled a little. "Yes, yes, that I am." She paused, before confirming her worst nightmare. "And so are you."
"NO! NO! I can't be dead! I CAN'T!!"
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
Kristina led her to a white bench and sat her down. "Yes, yes you can." She said evenly. "Because you are."
"No! No! You don't understand.."
"Yes, Courtney. I do." She paused to let it sink in.
Tears slipped down her cheek. "How? I.. I.. I was just on my way.."
"..to the city to help Reginald with Leticia... yes. I know." She said wiping her friends tears away.
"Why?"
Kristina shrugged. "It was your time."
"How do they decide?" She choked out hoarsely.
"You see, up here, there is no such thing as time. No concept of time or distance. Things just are. And He, He has a book..."
"The Bible?"
"No, that's the other book He has. This book is the book of ages, of yesterday, today and tomorrow. Everything that will/has/had happened to every man woman and child is written in that book. Dates are set, but they are never broken." She explained patiently, seeing her friends confusion.
Courtney looked at her again and touched her hair, on the right side of her scalp was a medium lock of white hair that was a long as the rest. "I.. I don't remember you having white hair."
"I didn't."
"But.."
"Come here. I want to show you something." She stood and walked down a hall. She was half way down when she turned and motioned for Courtney to join her. Courtney stood and looked down at herself. She was wearing a soft opaque egg shell colored tube top dress went down to her calves and a matching tan leather belt with little fringes on it around her hips. She dried her tears and caught up with Kristina. She didn't understand what was happening. And she wasn't sure if she wanted too. It was all too much, and it was all happening so quick. She was thankful for Kristina for her guidance, but all she really wanted to do was go back and tell AJ she loved him one last time.
in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
"I know that you are upset about leaving AJ, Michael and Carly especially after everything that they have gone through recently." Kristina said as Courtney caught up with her as though she had read her mind.
"I have to be there! I have to go back! I can't be here, Kristina! I can't leave my husband and my friends!" She was trying to make her understand.
Kristina walked into a small white room with a wall of televisions. Courtney just stood there in awe. It was a voyeurs dream come true. A wall of televisions watching over the entire world... "If you think this is the entire world, then you are mistaken. This is just part of Port Charles." Courtney looked at her oddly. "Oh there's another half of Port Charles that you wouldn't even believe what is going on there. It's quite entertaining. Some times, when it's less hectic, I should show you, it's really interesting." Smiled Kristina.
Courtney's eyes were fixed on the monitor that displayed AJ, Michael and Carly. AJ was laying on the bed on his back, with Michael laying on top of him on his stomach on a thin blanket that AJ had put as a barrier between their bodies. She hadn't really heard what Kristina had said beyond "This is only part of Port Charles"... Kristina noticed this and made it so the picture took up the entire wall.
"AJ is very perceptive. He put the sheet between himself and Michael as a safeguard for Michael's sake. He'll never understand how much that means to him." Michael had his head over AJ's heart, the arm that wore a cast was curled up by his head, the other arm was stretched out and laying on Carly's side. While Carly was curled up on her side, her head resting on AJ shoulder, and one of her arms was protectively draped over Michael's less injured back. AJ had one arm around Carly, ensuring that she wouldn't fall off the bed, and the other was at his side, but even in his sleep one hand was on Michael's leg, as though a physical reminder that they were real and that he was safe.
"I need to be there.." she said in a hushed whisper. "AJ and Carly.. They're friends now, and Michael, they just got him back." She sniffled. "You don't know what.."
"Yes Courtney. I do know." Courtney's jaw dropped. "I was there." She reached up and fiddled with the streak of white in her hair. "From the moment that Michael was taken until the moment that I set Michael in AJ's arms I wasn't far from his side."
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
This made her angry, this made her furious. "You were there! You saw what he went through and you didn't stop them?! How could you!? You let them hurt Michael! Poor, innocent, sweet Michael, who couldn't hurt a fly let alone defend himself against an attacker..."
Kristina raised her hand for quiet. "It's not that simple." She said calmly, which frazzled Courtney. Kristina was reacting as if nothing was wrong, as if that monster hadn't nearly killed Michael. "I know what you're thinking, and I won't lie and say that the thought hadn't crossed my mind, because it did." Her voice cracked a little, and she had to look away. "I thought about just taking over and transporting Michael far, far away every time they went into the room that they held in and yelled at him for hours on end. . . Making him repeat insult they called him until the insults became the truth to him. . . Until he believed that he was worthless and dirty and an unlovable bastard! Every time they beat him because he didn't clean good enough, or fast enough, or "please" them, or make them happy. . . Every time I looked at that little boy and saw how they were systematically killing him I wanted to take him away. . . Far, far away. . . But I couldn't... I couldn't..." she sighed heavily as tears threatened to escape down her cheeks.
But Courtney still didn't understand. "Why?" She asked shakily, her heart breaking for all the unspeakable things she had just been told and for all the unspeakable things she didn't know about, but knew in her heart had happened.
Kristina sniffled a little, trying to regain control of her emotions. "Because, I'm only his guardian angel. And to top it off I'm new, so they gave me what was believed to be an easy case." Courtney snorted at that. "Yeah, I know."
"Wait. . . A guardian angel? But. . . But you . . ."
"Just died?" She nodded. "Well, what can I say? Being so in tune with the cosmos during my life gave a leg up on the rest, so to speak." She said with a shrug.
"So, what exactly did you do for Michael?" Courtney didn't know what was weirder, the fact that she was talking to her dead friend, or the fact that she was believing it, but whatever was going on, she was just going to 'wing' it so to speak.
Kristina smiled, relieved that she wouldn't have to go into gruesome detail about what Michael had gone through. "At first I was just watching, making sure that he didn't . . . you know. . . die. . ."
Courtney didn't quite understand. "Why?"
"Because, He has big plans for Michael. REALLY big plans."
"But I thought you said that dates are set and cannot be broken?" She asked quizzically.
"Very true, but evil still exists, and the men that had Michael were definitely evil." Courtney gulped. She knew she wasn't going to like where this went.
"At first I watched him, made sure that nothing unfixable happened. . . But. . . By the second day things got a little out of hand. . ."
She was going to regret asking, but couldn't just leave it be. "How much 'out of hand'? "
Kristina sighed. "They went from letting him sleep 2-4 hours here and there to either not letting him sleep at all or when they did let him sleep it was only for an hour at a time and they would wake him up with a beating, or worse. . . " She paused, not necessarily wanting to say exactly what "worse" was. "Or not letting him sleep at all and eventually he'd pass out because of exhaustion, the pain, and over exertion."
Courtney gasped, her hand flew over her mouth. "How awful."
Kristina nodded. "And that was just the beginning. . ." She walked over to the couch and patted the cushion next to her for Courtney to join her. "Come, sit, the rest of the story isn't quite as nice." Hesitantly Courtney joined her, but she couldn't help ringing her hands. "See, we knew all along that he would be held for two months, at which time AJ would find him. . . What we couldn't have expected was the captors propensity for," she cleared her throat, "for 'enjoying' his victims pain or his penchant for," she lowered her voice, "for 'taking' them and using 'that' as a way to control them."
Courtney gasped. "You mean. . . it. . . they. . ." tears gathered in her eyes. "More than once?" Kristina nodded saddened.
"Michael is a fighter, like his mother, like his father, like their parents before them. And he would have fought. . . I doubt he would have done much damage, but that wouldn't have kept him from fighting. . . but. . . they threatened people that Michael loves."
"How?"
"By leading him to believe that if he didn't 'please' him/them that his mother, grandmother, favorite cousin Lucas or LuLu would be kidnapped, much like the way he was, brought to where ever they were, and punished if not killed for his inadequacy."
Courtney choked down the bile that rose up in her throat at her words. "How unspeakable!"
"You think it's bad listening to it, try witnessing it, ever minute of every hour, of every day, of every week for two months."
"That would explain your hair. . ." she said as an after thought.
"Yes, I couldn't bring myself to leave. So I stayed, and stayed, and stayed. The first three days I thought that he was going to die. No food, no water, no sleep. And to a child, especially one so young, acceptance and love are like the very air they breathe. All he wanted was for them to like him, to accept him, to stop beating on him, stop yelling at him, stop calling him names and stop making him call himself those names." Kristina shook her head in frustration. She took a deep cleansing breath before continuing.
"Children are easy pray to criticism. Call them stupid and they believe it. Call them dumb, they believe it. Call him worthless. . ." she sighed heavily, " and they believe it." She looked at Courtney pointedly. "It took them 2 day Courtney, two lousy stinkin' days to decimate any and all self confidence he had. Two lousy stinkin' days to get him to the point where he called them 'master' and was following their commands as though they were law. Two days to beat the spirit out of him." Her voice grew shaky. "It only took two days before he was praying to God for death. . . DEATH Courtney!"
"Is. . . Was. . ."
"Yes, I intervened, They weren't happy about at first, but they understood. First I came to him in a dream and helped him heal a little, not completely, because then his captors would have just started beaten him to a pulp all the time and would start expecting him to miraculously get better over night. But I couldn't stop there... Not when he needed someone so desperately." Courtney glanced at her, digesting all that she had learned, but she couldn't keep her eyes off AJ. He didn't even know what was about to happen.
Kristina could see her turmoil. She wanted to know more, but she also didn't want to be there. "It's okay Courtney." Courtney looked at her sharply. "You were taken before what you thought was your time. Like me, like many of us. It hurts, and yes, you have every right to be as mad as you want to be but..."
"But what?! Why! Why do you need me!?" She thought about it for a second. "Wait, forget that. I realize that everything is set up before hand, that you and Him can't do anything to change it, and that I'm being totally selfish but... But..." She let out an exasperated sigh. "Why am I here? Why didn't I just go to heaven? Or Purgatory? Or wherever dead people are suppose to go?"
Kristina chuckled. "Heaven... Purgatory is... Well... Kind of like a state of mind. And the reason you are here is..." She shook her head. "Michael is safe, he still needs me, his own personal angel, but now..." She sat at the control panel and typed in a code. The look on her face told Courtney that she was there to help her. But the question was what?
The flicker of the screen caught her attention and she looked up. It took a second to click in her head and she gasped audibly. "Zander. Oh. My. G-... Gosh." He was being whipped, not with a leather belt, but with an actual whip. But worse yet he had a dark pillow case over his head and a gag around his mouth on top of the pillow case. His arms were bound together above his head and we has hung from a rope around a rafter in the ceiling. She couldn't help but wince every time the whip hit his flesh with such impact that his body swayed. His shirt had been discarded so there was no hiding the multiple whelps and long gnarly cuts that were bleeding. She was speechless for a moment. Every monitor showing a different view.
She could see his front as his chest heaved, the back as his muscles rippled and ripped, his hands digging into the ropes in a vain attempt not to cry or feel.
"Stop! STOP! MAKE IT STOP!" She beseeched once she found her voice.
Kristina shook her head. "I can't... I can't interfere." She reminded Courtney somberly.
"But he's your friend! And he's being whipped to death! Can't you see..."
"I can see perfectly well that he's in pain Courtney! But I can't just snap my fingers and make it better!" She snapped, something very uncharacteristic of Kristina. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. It's just..." She sighed, with sob rising in her throat. "I need help! I can't be in both places at once! Not yet, at least!"
Courtney knelt down beside her. "Is that why I came here? To help you?"
"Not me... Zander." She whispered in a hushed voice as a tear rolled down her cheek.
"Hey, I thought they didn't allow tears in heaven." She said as she playfully wiped her tears away.
"Didn't you hear that song... Even Angel Cry."
Courtney suppressed a chuckle, and looked at screens again. She shook her head sadly as the monster whipped Zander again and again. Eventually the man stop and Zander started gasping for breathing, trying to contain the tears that wanted so desperately to flow down his bruised cheeks. His chest heaved as he attempted to catch his breath.
Courtney was just about to say something when she noticed the guard pick up a 6 gallon bottle of bleach. "Oh... No... G-d.... Oh G-d.. I can't look..." She turned her head as the bleach was poured down Zander's bare and battered back. But it didn't stop her from hearing his earth shattering anguish filled screams. "Turn it off... Please Kristina, turn it off."
"No," she said shakily, "You have to see the end of it."
In a way she understood but it didn't help the helpless feeling she felt deep inside. She attentively opened her eyes, but instantly wished she hadn't. No sooner had she opened her eyes than the attacker was back with a boiling vat of what she could only suppose was wax.
"Tell me he's not going to..." She didn't even get her question out before the assailant ripped the pillow case off his head, revealing that his eyes were still blind folded and that his cheeks were deeply bruised. Then another assailant came up and took off the gag.
"We want the whole world to hear this bastard scream like the ninny he is." The mustached man with greasy hair and a smarmy grin cackled as the other man nodded and poured the wax down his back and over his shoulders.
Zander screamed so loud and so long that Kristina couldn't take it anymore. She closed her eyes and when she opened them Zander was unconscious. "Thank you." She whispered looking heaven ward. The screen was turned off and Courtney stood there shell shocked.
Her chest was heaving with pain. "He... That man... What... I don't understand..." She sobbed, sitting down again.
"There's nothing really to understand, Courtney. Zander needs someone. He's going to be in a world of pain and he's going to be going through this all alone unless someone helps me..."
"But Zander and I weren't even friends. I mean, we were, kind of, but that was a loooong time ago and... And.." Kristina put her hand over Courtney's.
"You have an option here. You can stay, and help me. You and I would be like his watchers. We'd neither be seen nor heard unless necessary. And only Zander would be able to see us or feel us. And there are going to be times when he forgets that we came to him.
"I know that this is difficult for you. You've just crossed over and have unfinished business... And.." She sighed. She looked heaven ward again. "Can I tell her? I mean, it would probably help her decide."
A clap of thunder was her only answer.
"Thank you!"
Courtney looked at her curiously. "What? You didn't except a burning bush did you?... Anyway. It's not my place to tell, but he says it's okay that you know.." She took a deep breath. "This is only the beginning. Taggart was right, his kidnapping was a random act of violence by a violent pervert who had an unhealthy obsession with little red headed boys.
"But word got out somehow. He got a little drunk after securing Michael in his 'den' and bragged a little to loudly to a few of his like minded friends." Courtney shuddered. "Oh, it gets worse. One of his like minded little friends told an associate of theirs that the kid was a Corinthos that person has a long history of misogyny, violence and control issues with a former lover of Sonny's. Not to mention the history he has with another player in this story.
"He basically found him and forced an alliance the next day. That was when it got worse. When I had to intervene. They knew that this would bring an enemy of theirs out of the woodwork, which it did. And now, in all this chaos and madness he is manipulating it so that a certain chain of events happens and it's only begun and it will affect AJ and Carly and Michael and that woman Brenda that you saw at GH today, and a few others. If we don't curb some of the things he has planned. If we don't intervene on the parts of Michael, and Zander and AJ there is a good chance that..." She gulped. "I don't know how else to put it. Because Courtney, this man is evil. Pure unadulterated evil and he means to harm people that we love. Everyone from AJ to Zander to Alexis and my niece, and people that neither of have ever met but who are destined to play a large role in their lives, and even people that we did know that are going to play a larger role in our families lives than we ever imagined." She stood up, smoothing out her dress and moving to the door.
"It's your decision Courtney, and I'll be perfectly understanding if you don't want to do this. And I'll be able to take it from here. But," she smiled, "there's always a 'but' isn't there? But, think of it this way. You'll be helping our collective families realize how much they need each other." She left her to think.
Courtney turned back to the now active screens that were showing her different scenes around Port Charles. Tears flooded her eyes. What was she to do? Did she accept and help or was it better to walk away and go on to paradise.
She closed her eyes tightly and whispered. "All I really want to do right now is see AJ and tell him that I will always love him.
Behind her Kristina peaked in and looked heave ward. And mouthed 'Now it's Your turn.'
As she opened her eyes she blinked them trying to discern where she was. She was standing in a totally white room that was as big as a ball room and there were clouds wispily floating under her feet. "What is going on?" She asked out loud.
"I don't know... Why don't you tell me?" A voice asked from behind her.
She gasped and whirled around. "AJ!!" She flung herself into his arms and squeezed him as hard as she could. "Oh AJ!"
"Woah there, what's wrong?" He asked returning the hug and pulling away. "You're acting like I'm never going to see you again or something!" He chuckled. 'G-d, if he only knew.' She thought to herself.
"AJ, I love you so much. I need you to know that I love you and I will love you for all of time."
He smiled at her profession. "I love you too. I've... I've done some things I'm not proud of..." She put a finger to his lips to silence him.
"Ssh... I know. I know who you are AJ. I came into this marriage with my eyes wide open. You may find it hard to believe but as bizarre as it sounds I accept you for you. I love you because you are imperfect. I accept you for who you are. And in return, you love me back, totally completely, the way it should be." She confessed tearfully.
His eyes brightened. "You mean that... I mean, I knew that you loved me. But for you to say you knew..." He trailed off unable to think of what else to say. "How long have you known?"
"I knew fro the moment that we said 'I do' that we had an uphill battle ahead of up and that if I ever wanted to truly claim your heart as my own I'd have to roll with punches, take each day as it came. But the day I knew that our love was the real deal was the day that you walked out of your family for me. That night, when we made love, there was something different. There was honesty and there was trust and I knew that it wasn't a game. You had been softening before that, but that day... When you took my hand and led me to a life that you didn't know what it held or if we'd have a place to stay. I knew that what we had was worth fighting for."
His smile grew larger. "I think from the moment I saw you I loved you... It just took me a while to realize that what was happening. You drive a hard bargain, Mathews-Quartermain." He kissed her lips softly. "And I wouldn't have it any other way."
Her smile waned as she remembered that this was her good bye. "AJ." She said growing serious. "I want, no, I need you to promise me something."
"Anything."
"I need you to promise me that you'll live your life to the fullest. Even if I'm not always around. Even, if G-d forbid, something happens to me, that you'll be okay. That one day you'll move on. That you'll be there for Carly and Michael. Because they need you and you need them."
He frowned. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" He asked with sincere concern.
"No, everything is fine." She answered fighting back tears. "Promise me. Promise me!"
"Okay... Okay... I promise to always live life to the fullest. To stay sober for myself, for Michael and for Carly. And if anything, G-d forbid, happen to you, that I'll stay sober, live life, be there for Carly and Michael and to one day move on and be happy."
She sighed, a great pressure taken off her shoulders. "Thank you... I love you..."
"And I love you." He whispered as they kissed. The clouds consumed them and when Courtney opened her eyes she was again in the room. She stood up startled and looked around the room. "What? Oh," she sighed sitting down. "It felt so real!" She sobbed resting her head on the control panel.
"It was real." Kristina said from her place leaning against the door frame. "He gave you closure, something that many people don't get until after they die."
Courtney swallowed a sob. It was real! She had gotten closure. "He's going to be okay!.." She wiped her tears away and looked heavenward. "Thank you. Thank you for giving me the time we had together and for giving him friends who he's going to need now. And thank you for forgiving him all the bad things he's done. AJ's not a bad person... He's just misunderstood."
Kristina couldn't help but chuckle.
"What's so funny?"
"Aren't we all misunderstood?" She asked jokingly.
"True. True... Most people are." She shook her head and stood up. "I've come to a decision."
"And that decision is?"
"I'm going to help. I'm going to help for Zander, and Michael and ..." She swallowed a sob. "and AJ. And our families. For their futures. So that they can live life to the fullest without fear of some sick pervert trying to take Michael or Georgie or Maxie or Lucas or Brook Lyn or LuLu. I'm staying and I'm helping so that whatever happens, no one innocent is hurt."
Kristina hugged her impulsively. "Thank you." She pulled away. "You have no idea how relieved I am to hear this."
Courtney smiled. "So... When do we start?"
"NOW!" She snapped her fingers and they both disappeared.