***********
"J-Jusi..." he sobbed into her shoulder, but she laid there motionless. "D-d-done weave me..." he sobbed. "I's dead wid out yous..." he gulped for air and cried again, his hands caressing her silky hair. "P-pease J-jusi.. Pwitty pwease...wake up for me... pease wakes up..." he begged.
Her soft long brown hair cascaded over the side of the bed and almost half way down to the floor. He caressed the nearly flawless skin of her face which was cold yet damp with sweat. He turned away from her for only a second to wet the damp clothe that he had been putting on her forehead before placing back on her forehead. He hiccupped as he rested his head near hers, he could feel the heat radiating off her body and it scared him.
"Don' die J-Jusi... Don' die..."; he whimpered wiping his eyes with the back of his hand as he hiccupped again. He nervously fiddled with her hair, it was one of the things he loved about her, her pretty hair and her willingness to let him pet it. "I-I-I wove you Jusi."; He sniffled. "Pwease don' weave me awone hewe...Yous the only wone who woves me." He beseeched as tears streaked down his dirty and battered cheeks.
He was so panic stricken that he couldn't even tell whether or not she was breathing. All he knew was that he did something, something bad and that Jusi paid for it. Jusi always paid for it.
"LOVE!!" Barked Cole from behind him as he stood in the doorway laughing uproariously at him. "Don't you get it you imbecile!? You're unloveable! I've seen to that! And any idiot that dumb enough to love you is destined to die! To leave you all by your wittle self." He said mockingly.
Coni looked up startled, his heart racing, what if it were true? What if that was his destiny? He turned back to Jusi and cooed into her ear. "Don' wisten to him Jusi. Don' wisten to master. You no die... Pwease don' die..."
He grabbed his head willing the pain to subside, even the dim light was making the pain worse. When the pain did subside he looked at the ten pictures,
***********
He looked at each picture, his heart began to feel like a leaden weight, each picture adding to the unbearable weight upon his heart and the responsibility placed on his shoulder.
"Everyone I love is destined to die." He whispered to himself. He suddenly had the feeling that the entire world rested upon his shoulders. "Everyone I love is destined to die."
It was true.
All except for two people, everyone else was dead.
Momma, Poppa, Reagan, Loren, and Jusi. They were all dead. All because of him. It was all his fault. The only two that had been spared her Emily and Ricky.
His heart skipped a beat as he looked again at the pictures. Eduardo, Azora, Emily, Carly, Michael, AJ, Alexis, Gia, Lucky, and Skye... No Ricky...
If it was wrong to feel relief that the one person that he had striven the most to keep safe was indeed wrong, then he didn't want to be right. "I'll never tell Ricky, no one will ever hear about you. Not from me." He said to himself, but never out-loud. Ricky would be safe... Ricky and his wife would never come to harm. He'd take it to his grave, which for all intents and purposes he was sure was quickly approaching.
One safe, 10 endangered, and he would live. It just wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to him. It wasn't fair to the people around him that he was as effective as the plague. Hell, when he left Florida he had sworn to himself that he would never get close to anyone ever again. That he wouldn't love anyone or allow anyone to love him. He blinked back tears as he looked at the ten portraits.
None of them deserved to die because of his incompetence.
But now they were all in danger because he had stupidly opened up heart to them. "I'm sorry," he choked out, his voice barely above whisper as he sobbed. His body and mind were swimming. He knew they couldn't hear him, but he wanted, no, he needed to tell them how he felt. "I never intended to hurt you. I swear." He spoke, his voice thick with emotion. "I-I never meant for any of you to affect me... or for me to love you, or care about you." He looked away from them, as though the portraits could see his shame. "But like all things I try, I failed... miserably... no surprise there, right?" He chuckled dryly.
The pain of sitting up was beginning to be too much for him on top of the guilt, and everything else so he carefully eased himself down to the floor, the cold cobble stone was soothing against his throbbing temple. He closed his eyes tightly for a second before opening them again and looking at the portraits.
.... inside these walls Zander Smith ceases to exist ....
"I'm not Zander Smith anymore... I can't be." It was crushing to his spirit to not be the one person, the only person that he remembered being ever. To deny that such a person had ever existed. It killed a little piece of him. But he had to do that. He had to for himself. For his survival, for the survival of those in the portraits that surrounded him. He'd sacrifice the one thing he knew to keep them alive.
He was sacrificing himself so that the others wouldn't be sacrificed because of him
"I hope you can forgive me for letting go so quickly," he whispered his eyes closed again, another wave of nausea and pain and grief sweeping over him all at once overwhelming his already overloaded emotional switchboard. "One day you'll understand, I can't let..." his voice cracked. "I won't let him kill one of you to prove that his threats not vialed or empty. I... I'm remembering things about him... how lethal he is... I know he'll do it. Just to prove to me that he can and he will. But I don't want it to get to that point."
The drugs were beginning to take over and he couldn't fight it forever. He didn't have that much time as it was. "Please forgive me... please forgive... please... I'm... I'm just doing what I have too, to protect you... I swear..." he whispered as his body finally gave into exhaustion and allowed him to sleep.
Not that it was restful.
<center>**************</center>
Eduardo felt a shiver run throw Azora and looked over his shoulder to make sure the door was closed. He pulled away and wiped her tears away with his thumb. He wasn't used to this kind of emotion from her. She rarely showed any emotion at all, and when she did it was either disdain, anger or on a rare occasion she acted a little flip or happy. But never like this. "Are you okay?" he asked looking her up and down. His heart sank. Their clothes.
She noticed the color drain from his face at her clothing and wiped away her own tears as she backed away. "I'm fiiiine. It's jus' this her' dernt cabin.. ya know?"
He nodded, unable to speak.
"Our clothin' is kinna soppin' over in da corner." She explained flipping her dreads over her shoulder. "I didn' thank it woult be none to prudant to put on freezin' clothin' affer jus' about freezing m'self..." she trailed off. He hadn't known about that part.
"WHAT!"
Her face contorted guiltily. "Oops?"
"What happened?" He asked, not demanded, as he put his hands on her shoulders and gave her another once over with his eyes.
"Honest?" She asked, avoiding his eyes and playing with the sleeves that went well over her hands.
"Honest." He replied sternly.
"I haven't the slightest idear what happened." She deadpanned.
He looked at her, trying to scrutinize her answer. He leaned in and did something he hadn't done in so long that she jumped back. "For serial?" He asked in a quiet, childlike voice.
She jumped a little, her eyes growing wide, but she calmed herself enough to answer in a very quiet tone. "Fer serial."
He didn't like it. He didn't like it one bit. She hadn't lost this much time in YEARS and when she had it had ended so badly that they had both almost lost thier lives. He twined his fingers with her and led her over to where AJ and Gia sat on the extra long couch, sat her down, crouched down in front of her, and looked her intently in the eye.
"Now, from the top. What happened, and what's the last thing you remember before waking up here." He shot a glance at AJ. "And you can fill in any blanks, or try to okay."
AJ nodded, both he and Gia leaned in to listen. They were both curious.
"Okay, her's what happened. I was at home, cleanin' m'rifles cause... ya know, dats what I do when I kaynt sleep. Well, da phone rang...." She looked sadly at AJ. "It was Reginald an' 'Ticia. They were halfway back home when an accident in the other lane caused traffic t'slow down to a snails pace. They had pulled over to ax if der were anythin' they could do to help when," she put her hand reassuringly on his arm, "'Ticia noticed da license plate said 'COUR AJ'. She freakt. Dey axt da cop some kestions an wer able to positively ID that it were Courtney. Dey callt me cause dey figurt dat I oughta be der when you were tolt coz of us bein' freinds an all."
AJ scrubbed his hands over his face. "Thank you." He said his voice tight with emotion.
"Twern't nuthin'. Ain't like I actually gotta be der or nuthin." She shrugged. "Welp, I was already dressed so I was gonna go an meet 'em at GH, but I past da Police Department and decided to do a public service an tell Sonny Boy dat his sisser was dead." She looked away guiltily.
"He would have lost it otherwise, Azora. You had good intentions." Gia said squeezing AJ's hand.
She smirked at her friend. "Not really. I kinna went der to prove to him fer once an fer all that Sonny is many tings, but a god ain't one of 'em." AJ couldn't help but chuckle dryly. It was so Azora to do something so outragious in a POLICE DEPARTMENT of all places. "Don' laugh, I wudn't gonna rub it in his face. I just wanted him t' feel what chall been feelin' fer the last forever. PAIN."
He nodded, understanding that she was trying to do right by him, in her own bizzare Azora-esque kind of way.
"So I went in der all huffy an pissed off, an got half way down to da holding area when I heard a scream." They all looked at her intently. Her eyes clouded over and her face contorted in confusion. "An things get kinna mixt up and blurring and I got kinna light headed and Mac or Jason caught me... I ended up..." she looked at Eduardo and so the same fear. "I don' know what happened between the time I were in the hallway an when I almos' belted the comissoiner across the face." He could read her like an old book. This terrified her. And to be quite frank, it scared him ****less himself.
"Wait wait, you almost belted Mac, COMMISOINER Malcom Scorpio, across the face and your still FREE?" Gia asked as confused as the others.
"Weeeell, if ya wanna get technical I didn't almost belt him, I kinna..." she grew sheepish, "sorta flipped him over m'self and onto his back on his desk where I, somehow or another, were layin, kinna... But I'm not sure."
AJ couldn't help but chuckle. "Sorry, but that's the best thing I've heard all ****ING day." he laughed to himself dryly. They gave him withering looks, but understood his actions. He needed to laugh at someone or something or he was going to lose it.
"But I ain't sure if I were layin' on the desk or standin' up when I did it cause when I... well, the next thang I 'member is lookin' 'round an' seein' Jason Morgan standin' dere all smug an stuff an axin' the commish if I were in trouble or allowed to leave. And then..." she chuckled.
"What's so funny."
"I do 'member beltin' Jason 'cross the face."
"High FIVE!" AJ laughed, and they high fived. "About time someone did that!" She couldn't help but smile, it was true, he had had it coming, but she wasn't sure why.
"Well, Mac lemme leave and I tolt Sonny. An t'say he didn' take it well is like sayin' sand paper don't feel nice against babies skin." All three winced, they had all seen Sonny in a 'not so good mood' and it wasn't something they'd wish on anyone... except maybe Sonny.
"Then I kinna, sorta pourt salt into his wound an....."
The pauses did nothing to abate Eduardo's gut feeling that all hell was about to break loose and there wasn't a damned thing he could do to protect her. "And what?" He coaxed.
He looked at her and could tell she felt confused and lost and he wanted nothing more than to grab her and run right then and there. But he couldn't. It would be counter productive. Whatever or whoever was trying to finish the job they had started a decade earlier would find them one way or the other and he would rather be surrounded by people that gave a damn about them than complete strangers who didn't give a damn.
"I... It..." She squeezed his hand again. "It get's blurry again. I felt kinna sick on the inside. I wanted to run, but da world, da world, she was spinnin'." She put her hand to her forehead as she tried to straighten her thoughts out but it didn't seem to be working.
"Just take your time, 'Zora, just take your time." he cooed, warming her cold hands with his huge warm hands.
"I don' member much between the yellin' at Sonny and then I'm..." she thought for a second. "Da next thang I knew I was half way 'cross the parkin' lot with Jason hot on m'tale."
The peaked AJ curiousity. "I thought Jason was being held for slapping Skye."
Azora shrugged. "He wudn't in no prison greys when I sawr him last. We was drivin' to GH, well, he was driving, and I was tryin, rather unsuccessful like, to not lose my dinner and lunch."
"Why?"
"I don' know. The world, she kept on tippin on her axis and throwin' lil oh me fer a loop-dee-loop." She made a motion with her hands that only Eduardo understood. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. She needed it. She was REALLY freaking herself(not to mention her writerLOL) out.
"'Bout half way to GH I tol' him to pull over an up came Chuck, if ya know what I mean." She was trying to be light but it worried Eduardo. She had been doing so well up until now.
"Then what?" He asked, everyone was on the edge of their seats.
She closed her eyes tight and tried to recall what happened. "I... I think I heard somethin'."
"A gun shot?" Gia asked.
"Naw, it weren't .... it weren't tan-gee-bil. It were," she closed her eyes. "It was like from inside my head." She looked at Eduardo. "It skeert me so somethin' awful an then it get's fuzzy again. I thank I hert Jason callin' affer me. But I'm not a hunert percent sure." Eduardo rubbed her shoulder.
"Da next thang I am sure of is being tript over and seeing Billy Brown-eyes over her'." she smiled, trying to lighten the mood.
They all looked at AJ expectantly.
He sighed heavily. "I was at GH with Michael, sleeping when Taggart woke me up and said he needed to speak to me. I hesitated, but when I walked out I took one look at Regi and Leticia and just..." his voice cracked. "I knew, I think." He coughed to clear his throat before continuing. "They tried to tell me and be brief about it but I was numb. I think I lost my mind for a second there. Leticia ran off because she couldn't look at me anymore. And Regi tried to help me keep it together but we both sucked at it and then I saw Jason and then..." his chin began to quiver and Gia started to rubbed his back, which he appreciated because he was nervous with all of the eyes on him.
"They ended up wheeling her through the elevator and I kinda," his voice cracked again, "lost it even more and pulled the sheet back too look at her and.. well... then I completely lost it and started saying stuff that I don't remember and ran out of there so fast that no one could catch me." After a second he added. "Not that they could have reached me because I kept on running on running and running and the next thing I know I'm in the middle of the PC woods, freezing, but still running until I tripped."
Eduardo wanted to baracade her in her apartment for the rest of her life. He knew she'd have no part of that. But that didn't stop him from wanting it. "You... you found her in the snow?" He asked in disbelief and shock.
"No, he found me laying in the snow." AJ winced, he had no intention of correcting Eduardo in the first place because he knew the reaction was going to be bad.
Gia shook her curls, stunned. "How did you get there?"
"Hunny, dat be a good damned question." She replied sarcastically, but not in a mean sarcastic tone, she was just trying to keep Eduardo from having a coronary. "But I ain't got the slightest, foggiest, faintest idea how I ended up in the middle of the woods, why I ended up there, or why I was lucky enough to have a fellow nut job find me." She smiled brightly, squeezing AJ's arm. He could tell what she was doing and shook his head sadly.
"If it makes this any better, and I know it doesn't. She's fine now."
"How did you get her here?" Eduardo asked suspiciously.
AJ winced again, being interigated by a womans older brother was not his idea of a good career move. "I carried her." He answered.
"How far?" He asked Azora.
"I haven't the faintest, I was too cold to notice."
"But you're fine now." He looked at AJ and put one and one and one together and wanted nothing more than to PUMMEL AJ into the ground. Azora saw the spark in his eye and quickly intervened.
"HELLO!" She called out jumping up as Eduardo stood, fist clenched and ready to fight. "'Duardo! Down her' Golly Green," she snapped her fingers in front of his face to get his attention but he was too busy burning wholes into AJ.
Gia stood between AJ and Azora knowing full well that while tall and athletic there was nothing that came between an angry older brothers inherent instinct to pummel anyone that so much as touched a hair upon their sisters bodies. "Um, Eduardo, don't you think that if Oz had a problem with what transpired between her and AJ that it would have been the first thing out of her mouth when she opened the door?"
Azora turned and flashed her a huge smile. "Yeah! What she said!"
"'Zor-ra!" He gritted out between his clenched teeth.
"'Daur-do!" she gritted out in kind.
"Don't we have more important things to concentrate on at the moment?" He looked at Gia incredulously. "Oh like, you know, the fact that Skye Jacks and Jason Morgan are scowering the streets of Port Charles looking for these two?"
It was both AJ and Azora's turn to share the incredulim this time. "Say HUH??" She said whirling around. AJ jumped up, startled.
"Skye? My Skye?! Are you kidding? Please tell me your kidding!"
"Nope."
"Cell phone, CELL PHONE! For the love of Skye! SOMEBODY fork over their cell phone!" AJ pleaded. Gia handed hers over without protest. "Ah, sheesh, Skye and Jason in the same vehicle... oh yeah... I bet that's interesting." He muttered dialing her number from memory.
"HA! More like has she clawed that borgies eyes out yit!" Azora shot back.
When it started to ring he handed it to Gia. "You know, in case she's the one driving. I don't want to VEER off the road. I'm going through a lot right now. I don't NEED someone else getting hurt on my behalf." Gia looked at him and wanted to say something, but Skye picked up.
***************
It was getting to be so quiet that Skye would have WELCOMED an argument! The last thing Jason had said was "Don't worry we'll find them" and that had been about an hour earlier. So when her phone rang she about started to do a happy dance, but she collected herself enough that she just pulled it out and answered. "Hello, Skye Quartermaine Jacks speaking." She answered sweetly. Jason rolled his eyes.
"Hey, Skye, this is Gia."
"Oh, Gia." She said, sounding confused. "How'd you get my number?... I mean, not that it matters."
"Skye, we found them." Gia said interrupting her.
"What! Where?" Panic set in, she lowered her voice. "Is he sober?" She asked wincing, knowing how bad it sounded, even to her own ears.
"I don't know, let me ask." She pulled away from the phone to ask and all Skye could hear was AJ's voice sounding insulted and then asking to speak to her himself. She winced again.
"I'll have you know, sister dear, that I am ever so sober at this moment. And have been for QUITE some time."
She let out a long sigh of relief. "I was just worried AJ."
He paused. "I know, but I'm touchy right now. Yes, I'm 100% stone cold sober." Though he wondered if that was a good thing, he didn't say it out loud.
"Where are you, Jason and I will pick you... oh" she said having seconds thoughts. "yeah, probably not a good thing right now, huh?"
"Ding ding ding, give the girl a prize." he chimned in with a roll of his eye.
"But both you and Azora are together?" She asked.
"Yes, it's complicated. Okay, just call Carly, tell her that I'm..." he trailed off. GH, that was basically Q HQ. Did he REALLY want to go there? He took a deep breath and swallowed his pride. "I'll be at GH in a bit, just tell Monica and Alan that I'm okay, and most of all, tell CARLY that I'm fine, and hopefully I'll be there before Michael wakes up."
"Okay, I'll do that, but you have to do me one HUGE favor AJ, and I'm talking HUGE!"
He swallowed a groan. This was NOT what he needed. "Okay, what is it?"
"Be careful, okay, you're one of the few that I can stand and I don't want anyone or anything to take that away, okay?" She asked sincerely.
He was stunned for a second. "Yeah, we'll be careful."
"Love you AJ."
"Love you too Skye." He replied before hanging up.
She breathed a heavy sigh of relief and relaxed against the seat for the first time in hours. "They found him." She relayed in a quiet, extremely relieved voice.
"Where?"
"I don't know, but it wasn't at some Dive, and he's sober and he says they are both ok. And Gia called, so AJ must have dialed for her." She let out another sigh. "One down and a million to go." She muttered.
"What's that?" He asked, pulling into a random parking lot and doing a U-turn.
"I said, 'One down, a million to go', as in one crisis over, a million left." She explained. He nodded, as he reached into his inner coat pocket and grabbed his phone and handed it to Skye. "Do me a favor, call GH and tell Carly. If I tell her she'll think it's the worst news before I even open my mouth."
"And she'll think it's better coming from me?" She asked sarcastically. He shrugged.
"At least she won't start bawling. She hates letter people see her emotions."
They just kind of watched in mild amusement as AJ "prepared" to leave. It wouldn't have been so amusing except for the fact that... well, he was barefoot and didn't even realize it. Eduardo had given him his coat which basically made AJ look like he was little kid playing in his daddy's wardrobe because Eduardo was 6' 5" if he was an inch and AJ.... AJ was lucky if he was 5'6".
AJ walked towards the door to leave and turned to them in mild exasperation as they just stood there. "Well, can we leave now?" He asked irritably.
Gia and Eduardo held back chuckles as Azora held up one figure for a moment of his time, walked over to him, stood barefeet to barefeet with him smiled up at him and then suddenly dropped her head to look at the floor.
He wasn't really in the mood for games but he looked at the floor too. His face turned red.
"I'm thinkin'..."
"Oh..."
The giggles in the background turned into out and out belly laughs, which only made the blush on his face redden.
"'Ts okay dawlin', yall got a lot on yo mind." She said sweetly, trying to take the sting out of it.
"Where are the shoes again."
"Hall closet, there's a rubbermaid full of them." Eduardo called out, as he regained his composer.
"I jus' don' thank it's none to prudent fer us to lose our tootsies... you know... frostbite and all." She joked in an attempt, lame as it were, to lighten the mood.
"HEY! It coulda been worse! I coulda letcha walk all the way outside before tellin' ya!"
Eduardo and Azora snorted in the background. It was lame, but very much the truth.