Jason chased after Azora, but she was quicker. When he made it to the parking lot he took off in a sprint to catch up with her.
She was already ¾'s the way to her jeep, so he had to put it in overdrive (Authors note: yes, I know how lame that sounds) to reach her. Just as she reached her jeep, got out her keys and put the key in the door Jason caught up with her and slammed the door shut as she opened it.
"You're in no condition to drive." He said breathlessly as she turned around and looked at him with hatred and ire in her eyes.
She couldn't escape the entrapment of his arms that were firmly rooted on her jeep. "Like y'ker. Y'ain't m'poppie, y'kayn't order me around none!"
"Yeah, well, someone ought to, because for someone that supposedly case so friggen much about AJ and wants to help him so much, you sure seem hell-bent on self destruction."
She threw a punch to get him out of her face but he caught her hand and grabbed the other before she could get any ideas and pulled her close in case she tried to knee him in the groin.
"Yalls don't know nuthin' 'bout me! An' yalls sure as all hayl don' know nuthin' wher' me an' AJ are concerned!" She shot back venomously as she struggled against his rock hard grip.
"You're right, I don't know anything about either one of you, but I can tell that you care about him enough to feel anger towards Sony for all the sh!t he's pulled. And I can tell that if I let go of you and you get yourself killed because you're too bullheaded to realize just how much you are in no shape to be driving in good conditions, let alone a snow storm! It would be the final nail in the coffin! It would KILL him!"
Finally she yanked away from him angrily. "So, lemme get this straight, now yer everybodies favert designated driver?" She snapped, trying vainly, to hide the tears in her eyes. She knew he had a point, Gawd, I HATE when that happens!!
Jason looked at her confusedly (Note: Yes that is a word) He didn't understand her words or what they meant. But he had meant what he had said. AJ had lost his wife just hours after rescuing his son from a potentially lethal beating, he didn't need to have anything else heaped upon his plate. He wasn't entirely sure if she understood how much she meant to AJ. She probably didn't understand that the way she treated him was the best anyone had treated him.... Ever.
AJ loved Courtney, even Jason couldn't deny that. But Azora was different. She defied anyone and everyone that got in way of her primary objective: working on the docks and seeing people for what they are no matter what others think.
He had taken her keys and she wanted them back. "Gimme back my effing keys!" She growled after the pregnant pause.
He held them above his head. As he knew that she was too short to jump that high. "You just don't get it do you, Azora? AJ NEEDS YOU!! "
"Like another hole in his head he needs m'ass." She retorted.
"Would you let me finish? You are one of his truest friends! AJ's not used to that! And DAMMIT! I may not claim him, but he deserves to have at least SOMEBODY that's not related to him, stick up for him." He paused, trying to gage her reaction, he couldn’t she was harder to read than.... well... He was! "I may not like you, but I can tell a friendship when I see one."
"You don't know Jack 'bout mine and AJ's friendship!!"
"I know a HELLUVA lot more than you think."
"Like?" She bated.
"Two weeks after Michaels initial abduction AJ suffered a minor melt down on the docks and almost fell off the wagon in a big way" She paled, no one outside of her 'boys' knew, not even Courtney had been told. "But you showed up and you threw a wrench into his plans. You took him out to your cabin in the woods and you stayed with him for two days.
"I know that he had shut down emotionally and that you forced him to feel, to express and deal with his pain before it ate him alive." He grabbed her with his one free hand and shook her resoundingly. "And DAMMIT Azora! I know he cares about you and he needs as many people as he can get to care about him right now."
She took his words to heard, but she couldn't help but narrow her eyes and make an observation. "Fer someone dat allegedly don'' ker none 'bout AJ, ya sure seem t'givajack 'bout his emotional well bein'." She quipped dryly.
He let go of her suddenly and took a step back as though stunned. She used the opportunity to speak her mind. "And her' I was thinkin' day yous an' Sonny boy didn' give a flyin' flip whether or not AJ took a header off the wagon." She snorted. "An' t'think all this her' time yens were keepin' an eye out on him.... How schweet." She chortled.
He turned to her sharply. "I don't want to see him dead!"
"But yen's gots no problems whats-so-eva attempting to keep me from employin' him!!" She shot back.
Jason's temper was about to get the best of him in the worst way. "Can we please stop argueing and get this over with?" He asked through gritted teeth. "It's cold, it's snowing heavily, and I've had the worlds longest G-d Damned Day!!" He threw his hands up in defeat. He didn't want to fight her or anyone. Especially after the performance she gave in the commissioners office.
"FINE!!!" She roared, walking over to the passenger side door. "Puuuuh-lease, chauffer-'o'-mine, by all means, take me to GH!" She quipped with an acid tongue.
Three minutes later they were on the road in silence that was only interrupted intermittently by the swooshing of the windshield wipers. Azora shifted in her seat uncomfortably as Jason drove. It wasn't from being with Jason that made her uncomfortable. No, it was something intangible inside that made her entire body feel like it wasn't her own.
As she shifted in her seat again Jason looked at her side ways. "Something wrong?" He asked noting that her hands were shaking as they rose to wipe the sheen of sweat from her brow.
"I'm.. I'm okay... Really..." She answered as it began to be more difficult for her to breathe evenly. "Is it hot in her'?" She asked distractedly.
"It's 20 below zero."
"Oh... Must be a hot..." Her voice trailed off as her stomach befan to roll in revolt. "Uh ohhhh."
"What?"
"Pull over!.... QUICK!!!"
"Huh?...." He looked at her and could tell by the shade of green that her face had turned that he needed to pull over. He slammed on the brakes and swerved to the outer lane just in time for her to jump out and barely make it to a tree before relieving her stomach of most of it's contents.
"You okay!!!" He called out from the drivers seat. He could barely see her through the heavy snow, but he could tell by her groaning that she must not have fainted. He could barely make out her shape as stumbled from one tree to the next before dropping to her knees and leaning against the trunk of the tree to relax.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm just hunk-feeer-eeeeeeking-dory!!" She groused as she attempted to catch her breath. But for the life of her, she couldn't seem to do it. It were as though someone had taken her breath away, or knocked the wind right out of her lungs and knocked her world of it's axis. It was almost indescribably, it was almost like... FEAR.
<<<<<<<>>>>>>>
Jason was watching her the best he could from the jeep. And he wasn't liking what he saw. Her entire body was shaking, her skin was pale, and she looked as if she were about to faint. As she started back to the jeep he noticed that she looked confused, perplexed and worried all in one. He was about to offer her a hand when she finally made it back and sat down. He frowned. She looked like death warmed over.
She sat down with a sigh that was both heavy and defeated.
"Ready to go?" He queried, trying to sound nonchalant as he turned to face the road.
"No... I... Could we just stay here for a second." She asked softly. He tried not to look startled. There it was again. No accent. And soft. There were many things Azora was and SOFT was NOT one of them. It took a second for him to recover, but he recovered well.
"Yeah, sure..." He shrugged, starting up the jeep for the heat.
"Thanks," she whispered turning away from him so that her face could feel the cool refreshing midnight air that was welcoming to her, it was frigid to Jason.
She closed her eyes as she tried to center herself but it didn't seem to work, and it didn't go unnoticed by Jason.
"Does this happen often?" He asked tentatively, though his eyes remained trained on the road.
"Only when stupid people upset me." She quipped glibly.
He held back a chuckle, at least she still has her sense of humor. He thought to himself.
With his eyes still trained on the road and the blizzard around them he asked. "Just tell me when you're ...."
<<<<<<<>>>>>>>
A voice exploded inside her head.
<<<<>>>>
"...ready to go..."
When she didn't say anything he turned his head. "Azo..." She was gone. Her seat empty. Her looked outthe door and could vaguely see her running will all her might away from him, the road, civilization, and into the PC woods and the eye of the blizzard.
"AZORA!!!!" He shouted, getting out of the jeep and going after her. When he had made it half away across the vacant field he stopped as she hurtled a fence like it was nothing and didn't lose speed as she continued to run. He was out of breath, she was faster and more agile than he even on his best day. And he wasn't dressed for chasing someone in these condition.
Aw, sh!t! Neither is SHE!!!
He thought to himself as he cursed out loud. She was wearing a long sleeved shirt, a flannel shirt over it but it wasn't buttoned, one pair of jeans and a pair of sneakers, it did not bode well for sub zero temperatures in the freezing snow.
He drew out his cell phone as he made his way back to the jeep and called the number Brenda had slipped him in the police department.
Hello
"Yeah, Luis, we have a problem." He let out a long sigh. "A Big ASSED Problem!"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"We can't wait any longer, Leticia." Whispered Reginald as they rode the elevator up to the ICU floor.
She sniffled, wiped her eyes and sighed. "But she's not here yet."
"I know, I know, but it's going to get around eventually and the officer can't keep from informing the PCPD forever. We agreed that we needed to be the ones that broke the news to AJ, not some cold police officer that doesn't know him."
"It's going to kill him." She whispered heart broken.
He rubbed her back reassuringly as the doors dinged open. "We're here, and so is Carly and the guys from the docks..."
"I know, I know," she sighed as they stepped off the elevator. "I envy police officers Reggie. They get used to doing things like this..." She trailed off as they walked over to the reception area.
Reginald could feel her shoulders shaking as they sat down on the couch. It's too much to bare, even for her, what would it do to AJ? He asked himself as he knelt before her, reached inside his coat and retrieved a long piece of metal.
"It was nice of him to give us the license plate as proof." She choked out as her hands haltingly caressed the letters C-O-U-R--A-J.
Taggart, who had been sleeping in a dark corner up until this point sat up like a shot. "WHAT?" His booming voice cause them both to jump.
"Lieutenant Taggart! We didn't see you there!" Reginald apologized as his heart thumped in his chest I'm getting to OLD for this!
"Don't play coy with me Jennings! What the *u** is going on?!"
"Courtney's dead." Leticia sobbed.
Reginald explained what happened as he consoled Leticia. "The officer in charge said that by the time we go through the traffic the body would be in the ...." He couldn't bring himself to say the word... MORGUE.
Taggart could tell that neither one of them was in any condition to get AJ, so he volunteered. "Why don't you two let me get him for you."
"You don't mind?" He asked, half startled, half relieved.
Marcus shook his head. "If you got him he'd see it in you eyes. At least this way we won't disturb Michael." Taggart felt his heart clench in his chest. First this now Courtney. How were AJ and Michael going to handle this? He got up and stretched, but before he left he squatted down beside Leticia and patted her hand. "It's going to be okay, you know, eventually everything will work out." God I hope so. He thought as she thanked him.
He felt like he was walking the 'green mile' as he approached the room and nodded to the guards at Michael's door. The men just nodded, knowing that he meant no harm or ill towards their charges. He knocked on the door and peaked his head inside.
AJ stirred slowly, and saw the grim look on Taggarts face. He put a finger to his lips and carefully maneuvered from under Michael, making sure he was undisturbed before approaching the door.
"May I help you Lieutenant?"
He swallowed hard. "AJ" he whispered. "There is someone here to see you."
AJ looked at him both confused and perplexed. "Can't it wait?" Taggart shook his head no. He sighed, took one last look at Michael and Carly, and then followed Taggart to the waiting room.
When he saw Leticia and Reginald he stopped dead in his tracks. "W-where's Courtney?" He asked no one in particular.
Leticia let out a sob and ran past him. "No..." he whimpered shakily, his eyes clouding with tears.
Reginald approached him awkwardly, he didn't know of any other way to do it. "The... The officer at the scene..." He paused, feeling choked up, "gave us this, for v-verification..." He handed the license plate that he and Courtney had picked out with such great care, not scratched and mangled, but repairable... Not like life... You can't repair that. Reginald thought to himself sadly.
Behind them the elevator door opened and two paramedics rolled out a stretcher with its occupant covered from head to toe. AJ turned and saw and knew.
"DON'T AJ!!"
But the butlers words sounded far off in the distance as he walked towards the gurney and pulled back the cover.
Silence...
So that's what it sounds like when someone's worlds shatters
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Leticia looked at the guards as she ran into the room and quickly closed the door behind her. They knew her, and they knew not to stop her, but they worried, what had happened.
She stood there for a minute, trying to quiet her tears and sobbing, but it felt so futile, they just kept coming.
"'Ticia?" Carly yawned from the bed, disheveled, but awake.
"Sh-should I come back later?" She whispered tearfully as her eyes filled with tears again at the site of her young ward, laying there, Thank you God., but he looked so small and the machines looked so ominous.
"No, no, he'll be more than happy to see you." She rubbed her eyes and could tell that it wasn't just Michael's safety that had her crying tears of happiness. She was sad, very sad. Carefully she got up and walked over to Leticia who hadn't moved from the door.
"What happened?" She whispered, her voice full of concern.
She had to stifle a sob as she quietly explained what happened. It brought Carly to tears. "Oh, Gawd... Where's AJ?"
"He-He's out there... T-talking to Reginald and Taggart... I couldn't do it... I-I couldn't do that to him... Not after ..." Her words broke off as she slid down to the floor. "How? How can this happen? Things were looking up for him too." She sobbed quietly.
Carly got some tissues for them both and wiped her friends tears away. "We don't control what happens..." Carly whispered. "It's beyond control, these things... Even when it hurts us the most, and... And doesn’t make since, we don't have any control over it." She looked over her shoulder at her son. "I think that's what this has taught us." They hugged and cried until they were both so exhausted that Carly pulled her to her feet, pulled her across the room, pulled up a chair and made her sit.
"Sit rest, sleep...." She instructed quietly. Leticia sat down, leaned in and caressed the cheek that didn't have a large bandage across it.
"How is he.... really?" She asked after calming down a bit.
Carly sighed heavily. "They don't know, they don't have anything to compare this too. And there are so many tests they need to run but are afraid too..." She trailed off, shaking her head. "He's weak, he's over exhausted, he's malnourished, he's a little skeleton...." She whispered, but dashed away her tears, quickly. "They say that they are glad that he got there when he did... Ten minutes in either direction and only G-d knows what he would have walked into..." Leticia shuddered.
"You mean..." Carly nodded solemnly. "Why?"
Carly sniffled. "Why does anyone hurt a child that way?"
Her eyes were growing heavy, but she didn't want to close them, for fear this had all been a fanciful dream... She wiped her eyes again. But there were some things she only WISHED had been a dream. Carly got back in bed on the other side and placed her arm gently over Michael as he began to stir.
He took a deep breath of the scent in the pillow, it reassured him, quelled his inner turmoil, and smelt like his hero. There was an arm around his waist, but he could tell that it wasn't there to pin him down, but instead to reassure him. He burrowed his head deep into the scent laden pillow and drifted off to sleep.
Leticia took his hand in her own, leaned down, kissed his dirty little forehead, and rested her head next to his. She and Carly still worried about AJ, but they had Michael as well that needed their care. Carly was up a little longer than she was and said a prayer for AJ.
"He's come a long way, G-d. He's not perfect, and neither am I. But he needs protection right now... From himself... From his family, and from his demons. Look after him please... You're the only one that knows where he is no matter what."
Courtney nodded, "She's right you know." She said looking skyward. "And I guess I should warn you before hand... I'll do anything to protect the ones I love." With a loud clap of thunder Courtney disappeared, leaving Kristina to watch over Michael. She hummed an all to familiar tone to sooth them as she stood at the toe of the bed and watched.
"Okay boss.... Now it's your turn."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
She looked like she was sleeping.
But he knew better.
He could have sworn her heard something shatter... But assumed that was merely the sound of his world imploding.
He wanted desperately for her to open her beautiful blue eyes and say "GOTCHA!" he wanted desperately for this to be some kind of cruel, cruel joke.
But it wasn't a joke.
He took a step back from the gurney as it was rolled away... He couldn't stand the sight of himself.... He needed to get away from himself.... Needed to be in an oblivion...
He whirled around and saw that Jason and Luis had arrived.
He started backing away, his chest heaving, his eyes wildly searching for an escape route.
"NO! NO! Get AWAY from me!! Don't TOUCH me!!!" He shouted hysterically.
"We just want to help." Luis said seeing his own past mirrored in front of him. When his wife had died he must have looked the same way.
"NO! You DON'T UNDERSTAND!!" He said, his chest still heaving as he sobbed. "I KILLED HER!!!"
"No, AJ, a drowsy driver killed her..." Reginald said, as he picked up the license plate he had dropped.
"NO! EVERYTHING I TOUCH!.... EVERYTHING I LOVE!!! EVERYTHING I TOUCH I KILL!"
"That's not true AJ. And you know it." Jason said, trying to be sensible.
"NO! It's the TRUTH!!!" He was backing away and they worried that he'd run and they would never find him. He needed them, despite himself, he needed them.
"You love Michael, AJ. He's not dead." Luis pointed out.
"I HURT HIM!! He's in pain because I LOVE HIM!!!"
"You can't possibly believe that." Luis said as he tried to inch towards him.
"But it's the TRUTH!!!" He shouted. "I KILLED MY WIFE! I HURT MY SON!! I KILLED MY BR..." His voice cracked as his eyes momentarily drifted to Jason.
Jason felt sucker punched.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I swear... I didn't mean for this to happen.." With that he turned around and ran full steam towards the stair well.
Luis went to run after him but Jason stopped him. "Let me go!!" He demanded as he shook himself free. "Are you out of your MIND!!! You can't just let him go! That has GOT to be the STUPIDEST thing you've ever done!!"
Jason shook his head. "No, it would have made things worse."
"How so?" He demanded.
"He said 'Everything I touch, I kill, everything I love I kill.' If you would have gone after him he would he would have just ran faster. If I had gone after him, he would have just gotten more upset. There are only two people who he 'loves' and hasn't hurt, and that's Azora and Skye."
"I'll call Skye," Reginald said, he was feeling helpless, at least calling would put him to work.
"And I'll setup a search party for Azora," Luis sighed.
Jason nodded, gratefully. He sighed as he looked at his watch. 4:15... This has GOT to be a record or something. he thought helplessly as he had to figure out a way to talk to Carly without her killing him first.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
He couldn't move, his body was too weak and his spirit was almost broken. He was laying face down, his arms laying above his head as though perpetually from the rafter, his legs pulled under his torso slightly and then laying adjacent from him. He made a sound as he tried to wake up, but it was futile, his body was refusing his requests. He was zapped, body, mind, and soul. Not completely broken, but wounded, severely.
He made another utterance, this time he heard the faintest of replies.
"It's okay now... I'm here." The tiny voice said.
He forced himself to open his eyes and to look up, but he was almost blinded by the bright white of the room. He shut his eyes quickly and inwardly groaned.
"Too bright huh?" Said the voice. "Sowwy, I so no like the dark... It scawes me...." The voice was child like, and very animated. He hoped against hope that he wasn't a prisoner too here. No child should be here, he should be here either. "When I wented aways I made sure my woom was bright...." The voice continued undaunted. "Buts I be's nices to you." He said in a pleasant tone and snapped his fingers. He laid on the floor on his stomach so that they could be eye-to-eye.
When he snapped his fingers the room when from being bright white to black, but not dark, you could still see.
"It's betters now." He said quietly, as he could tell he had a head ache. But the boy didn't reply. "Hrmmmm" he thought to himself. "Hey, you's okay?" He asked curiously reaching in his hand and cupping his cheek. "You's can opens yours eyes now." He reassured him quietly, coaxingly.
Zander hesitated, but when he opened his eyes the room no longer compounded his head ache.
"Oh goody, now, you's needs to roooooolls over." He said in a chipper voice.
"Hurts...too... Bad." He groaned.
"Den I's helps oo." He scuttled a little closer, put his shoulder in his side and with a grunt pushed him on to his back.
Zander inhaled sharply.
"Oh NOS!!" He gasped, his hands flying over his mouth. "Dids Is huwts yous?" He asked timidly.
"No... just hurt a little."
"Oh.... Sheweee." He said wiping his forehead of non existent sweat. "I was worrieds." He explained patiently as Zander's brow knit in confusion.
One arm had fallen across his ribs, the other was just off to the side. He looked at the little boy feeling as though he should know him. He kept his eyes lowered and spoke in a whisper. "Do...Do I know you?" He asked raspily.
The boy nodded. "B-but yous needs sleeps right nows." He added quickly as though not wanting to dwell on the subject.
Zander looked around the room... Or was it a room... There were no walls, no ceiling.... It was like...
"Heaven..." The boy whispered, distractedly.
"Huh?" Zander asked trying to sit up but falling flat on his back and gasping in pain.
The boy rushed to his side. "Ohs nos!!" He gasped. "Yous okays?" He asked as he held his hand.
Zander nodded, unable to speak.
The boy let out a long sigh of relief. "Ohs Goodies...." He breathed. "Causes I's gots to goes...."
As the boy got up Zander reached up and grabbed the boys arm. "What's your name?"
The boy seemed weary almost frightened of telling him.
"You's knows me!" He tried to laugh it off.
"I.. I don't remember you." Zander replied.
"Don't worries, I's never leaves yous.... Well, sept for nows... I gotta goes..."
"Please," Zander pleaded softly. "I... I don't know what's going on, where I'm at, or why I'm here... Please... Tell me your name..."
The boy shook his head. "Nos, nos, it's nots importants, not as importants as yous sleepins and feelings betters." He nodded to himself.
But the boy couldn't help himself. Zander was in agony, his body, mind, spirit and soul needed a respite. HE was weary and depleted and that was why he was here.
"I's tells yous whys yous here, dough." He whispered softly, as he crouched beside him and caressed his sweaty brow. "Yous needs to rest and sleep, or you'll nevers gets betters..."
Sleep Thought Zander.
"And no ones will wakes yous or nuthin...." He promised his eyes wide with anticipation.
"I-- I can sleep here?" He asked sheepishly.
The boy nodded enthusiastically. "Ohs yes!!!"
He was so tired. His eyes grew heavy again, like lead weights. "Thank you."
"Yous welcomes." He whispered.
He stood up and started to ready himself when someone walked up.
"Coni?"
"Uh ohs." He said and began to worry.
"Are you ready for this Coni?" The girl asked him, his unruly black hair bounced as he nodded.
"Oh yes Angels Caseys, oh yes!"
Casey shook her head.
"You know, your one cool cat for doin' this."
Coni thought it over for a second. Then shook his head no. "Nos, nos I nots."
Casey didn't understand. "You don't have to don't this. You know that right?"
"Ohs yes, I knows. I just..." He looked over at Zander. "I's been sleepin' fors so longs inside him..." He looked up at her sadly. "He's backs.... Sos I's backs toos!"
Casey patted his head and kissed his forehead. "Yeah, I guess that's the way the cookie crumbles."
He nodded.
"But don't you forget Coni, when you need too, you just switch places with him."
"Ohs..." He said thoughtfully, "but he won'ts 'members wills he?" He said looking at his counter part. The part of him that he had protected when he was younger, and the part he had freed that day so long ago.
"No, no he won't remember. He didn't last time either."
Coni nodded, remembering. "Buts he's safes heres rights?" He asked hopefully.
"You got it buddy, he's got a WHOLE bunch of heavenly hosts watching out for him." She smiled.
"Goods..." She could see the next question coming in his eyes. "What's abouts the girl."
"Your friend?"
"Yeahs, I no knows hers names, but she's nices to me..."
"She's gone baby..."
"Ohs...." He sniffled. "I hopes someones nices to me likes hers was."
Tears pooled in her eyes. "I'll see what I can do okay?"
His eyes lit up. "Yous means it?" Her heart sank, he never got used to people caring about him.
"Yeah, baby boy, I gots yo' back."
"Ohs thanks yous!" He gushed, hugging her tight.
She squeezed all she could into him, he was going to need it.
"Now go on, before he gets angry."
"OHS NOS!!!!" He squeaked, then ran and dove into Zander. Taking over, so he could rest.
Ed walked up as Casey watched Zander, battered, bruised, and broken lay on the ground, asleep and totally unaware. "You did the right thing kid."
"Oh shut UP Ed! That kid hasn't changed since he got here, he's still his own protector."
"And still the little boy who thinks nothing of himself."
"I hate his name." She sniffled. "What kind of name is 'Coni' for a boy."
Ed sighed. "Casey, my dear, I think that was the point." He said putting a hand on her shoulder.
"We got someone watching out for him down there?"
Ed nodded. "How did you put it, 'a whole host of heavenly hosts?'" He chuckled.
"Don't laugh."
"It's the truth though. Anymore, and the big guy might think we're trying to change stuff."
'If only we could she thought as she looked beyond the clouds and say 'Zander' wake up. 'If only we could.'
chapter 12
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