Author: Jo�Siris: [email protected]
Summary: Siler eavesdrops on a conversation.
Spoilers: None.
Pairing: S/J
Category: Humour (hopefully).
Rating: PG-13
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. No copyright infringement is intended.
Feedback gratefully received
�Sgt. Siler, do you have any idea where Major Carter might be?� Hammond�s voice boomed over the tannoy from the control room to the gate room.
�Uh, I think she said she had something important to work on in her lab, Sir.�Siler replied as he finished packing the last of his tools away. �I�m headed that way myself, Sir. Can I give her a message?�
�Thank you, Son. Tell her I�ve been trying to call her for twenty minutes.�
�Yes Sir.�
Siler picked up his bag and made his way to the MALP room. After checking that the MALP was ready to �gate out with SG5, he left in search of Major Carter.
Exiting the lift at level 19 and heading towards Sam�s lab, he stopped short of actually knocking on the door when he heard voices.
�Sir, hurry up, will you? We�ve been gone for nearly an hour; someone is gonna come looking for us soon. And if the General catches us doing this in here we�ll both be in for it.�
�Gimme a minute, will ya? I�m not gonna last if you keep telling me to hurry up. You�re putting me right off here. Give an old man a chance.�
Giggling. Siler could hear giggling. Definitely female. He wondered what they were doing in there. He pondered knocking on the door now that it had gone quiet, but what if? No, they wouldn�t, not in her lab. Everyone on base had heard the rumours about just how close the Colonel and his Major were. Considering leaving, he remembered why he had sought her out in the first place. But to go in and interrupt�He liked his head where it was, thank you very much.
�Stop giggling, Carter. You won�t put me off my stroke that way.� More giggling ensued.
�Oh for cryin out loud! You want me to just pull it out? How�s a guy supposed to concentrate with all that giggling? This was your idea, and now you just want it over with. A bit of help on your part might help. Show me where.�
�Nah ah.�
�You know, you�re really beautiful when you do that?�
Sighing. Now Siler could hear sighing. He really shouldn�t be listening to this. Although half of his brain was telling his feet to move, they didn�t seem to want to comply, the other half having informed them that this was big news.
�Oh no you don�t�oooh�yes there!�right there.�
�Here?�
�Mmm.�
�Mmm?�
�Oh God, yes! Do it now.�
Chuckling. Now Colonel O�Neill was chuckling, and he sounded mighty pleased with himself. Score one for the boys! Way to go, Colonel.
�Forceful aren�t ya�now if I can just get my finger to��
�Careful!�
�Take it easy, I know what I�m doing.�
�But your gonna��
�Relax!�
�Jack! Pull it out slowly. Don�t go so fast. Remember what happened last time? It went all over the floor, and you made me clean it up.�
Eww! Now there was a thought Siler didn�t need.
�Almost there�.�
Crashing, banging, rattling�Rattling? What the hell were was going on in there? Siler wondered if he should make his entrance. That was until he heard the Major�s euphoric voice.
�YES! Yes, yes!�
Oh God, no! Siler was never going to be able to look at her again.
�Well, Carter, ya got what ya wanted. Happy now?�
�No! It�s all over the floor again. This time you can clean up.�
� Oh no. Sorry and all that, guess I got a bit over excited there. But I got places to see, people to do. It�s been a pleasure, Major. We should do this more often.�
�Yes we should, Sir. At least I came out on top.�
�Don�t you always, Carter? See you at the briefing. Don�t be late now.�
Movement. Siler could hear the Colonel getting nearer the door. If the Colonel caught him there and realised�too late.
�Hey, Siler. What ya doin?� Busted.
�Looking for Major Carter, Sir. The General sent me.�
�Ah.� Jack opened the door back up. �Carter. General�s after your bu�you.�
�Be right there. Sir.�
Jack turned back to a very flushed looking Siler. Who for some reason seemed to be staring at him. �Something wrong?�
�No Sir. Just a bit warm in here.�
His reprieve came as Sam opened the door.
�All done, Major?� Jack gloated.
�Yes. No thanks to you, Sir. Sorry about that, Sergeant, I had to clean up��
�No problem, Major.�
�The Colonel lost his��
�REALLY, Major, it�s no problem.� Sam and Jack both looked at him in confused silence. Then Sam continued.
�Marbles. The Colonel lost his marbles! He did it on purpose. Made them go all over the floor, because he knew he wasn�t going to win. Although�� Sam grinned in Jack�s direction. �Some say he lost his marbles years ago.�
Siler was standing mouth agape. He knew he must have been doing his very best goldfish impression. What a way to impress your superiors. And they were staring at him with bemused looks on their faces waiting for him to say something. Try as he might, no words would form. It was bad enough when he thought he was listening to them having sex. Now he knew they hadn�t been and it had all been a figment of his brain putting two and two together and making five.
Jack took pity on him. Not even knowing why he was standing in this catatonic state, but knowing the feeling well. Hell, some of Carter�s scientific prattling almost sent him into comas from his lack of understanding.
�Sergeant, take a tip from me, � Jack placed his hand on the other man�s shoulder. �Don�t play Ker plunk with Carter. She�ll hound and harass you til you let her win.�
�You did not LET me win!�
Ker plunk? Siler was wracking his brain, wasn�t that a kids game with marbl�oh!
�Think whatever you want, Major. I�ll be in my office if you want me.�
Siler missed the wink Jack threw Sam as he headed off down the corridor. Or the mouthed �Later� as he rounded the corner. No, Siler was to busy berating himself for having gotten his commanding officers� relationship totally wrong.
End.
