I know this guy whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering
from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken.
So anyway, one day he went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his
bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over.  When he got out
of  the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN and and
he saw a  note on his mirror that said  "Call 911!"  But he was afraid to
use his phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a
virus on his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he opened an
e-mail entitled "Join the crew!"

He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer
who was working on software to save us from armageddon when the year
2000 rolls around.  His program will prevent a global disaster in which
all the computers get together and distribute the $600 Neiman Marcus
cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates.  (It's true-I read it all last
week in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also
promising me a free Disneyworld vacation and $5,000 if I would forward
the e-mail to everyone I know.)

The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his
missing kidneys, but reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed
with an HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped a note that said,
"Welcome to the world of AIDS."

Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital-the one, actually,
where that little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last
wish is  for everyone in the world to send him an e-mail and the
American Cancer  Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every
e-mail he eceives.  I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch
of x's and o's in the shape of anangel (if you get it and forward it to
twenty people you will have good luck but ten people you will only have
ok luck and if you send it to less than ten people you will have BAD
LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS).

So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on
the way he noticed another car driving along without his lights on. To
be helpful, he flashed his lights at him and was promptly shot as part
of a gang initiation.

And it's a little-known fact that the Y1K problem caused the DarkAges.