Who We Are:

In a sentence, the Chet Shakesbeare Association of America is the one and only world body devoted to the preservation and reassertion of the glory of Chet Shakesbeare. Our motto is another excellent summation:

"The Chet Will Rise Again!”

The CSAA was founded in 1984 by an important group of prominent figures in the literary and historical fields. To see our list of founders click here
Now, the CSAA is governed by a 7 person board chosen from the top of the academic and cultural fields who oversee the operations of the CSAA. They are:

1. Ann Teak (current chairwoman and one of the founders): Ann Teak was picked for her immense life experience. She was born in 1902 and worked as a high school English teacher in Duluth Michigan from 1927 until her retirement in 1964. Now, 42 years later, she is still going strong on dialysis and a heart-lung machine. She maintains her status as a prominent expert on the history of Duluth city schools following World War 1. No one is quite certain if she is still aware of her position as chairwoman due to the fact that she lost her ability to speak in 2001, but she continues as Board chairman.

2. Dan Quayle: As former Vice President of the United States, Mr. Quayle has a lot to offer the CSAA. Once again, no one is certain whether or not Mr. Quayle is aware of his position. He was selected in 1994 but sent back a coupon for broccoli in response to a letter asking him to join the board. The coupon was interpreted as a 'yes' and Mr. Quayle is officially a member of the board. Due to his questionable standing in the academic community, Mr. Quayle's name was removed from the CSAA letterhead in 1997 and he has never attended a meeting.

3. Jimmy Carter: Former President Jimmy Carter was selected for the CSAA board in 1995 in response to claims that Dan Quayle's presence on the board created a dangerous tradition of partisanship. He is included on the CSAA letterhead but has never consented to be on the board. Furthermore, the CSAA has received several threatening letters from his lawyers demanding that we remove any connection to him "stated or implied" from all of our records.

4. Mufasa W. Lincoln: One of the literally several board members who regularly attend board meetings or return phone calls, Mufasa (pronounced like the lion in The Lion King though his “friends” address him as Mr. Lincoln) is one of the world's leading Shakesbeare scholars. Mr. Lincoln received his Bachelor's Degree in Criminal Justice in 1983 and then flunked out of the University of Tahiti Law School. In 1985, Mufasa (who at that time had no marketable skills) entered a graduate program in English at the University of Wyoming. In 1992, he received a Master's Degree in English from that institution (yes it took him 7 years, but, he was busy drinking for most of that time.) With his degree, Mr. Lincoln applied for a position at the CSAA and became its first ever staff member. In his 7 years in that position, Mr. Lincoln edited many manuscripts and helped to translate most of Shakesbeare's known works. In 1999, Mr. Lincoln left the CSAA to become an English Professor at the College of Virginia ( a small school that pretends to be UVA in order to lure students). When Mr. Lincoln was fired in 2003 (for allegedly stealing about $87,000 worth of post-it notes) he returned to the CSAA. In 2004, he was appointed to the board.

5. J. Douglas Preumenintreuyterfinalullyniman(say it like it looks): JDP is a Canadian-born Italian citizen. He was born in 1955 and attended the University of New Mexico and its law school. In 1970, he fled to Italy to escape the wrath of a motorcycle gang and became the official tax-preparer and investment advisor of the Dalai Lama. He left that role in 1987 and took a position in a United Nations probe of possible terrorism by Navajo extremists in Nepal. In 1995, when that investigation ended, he returned to the US and was selected for the CSAA board. He currently serves on the board and works as a lecturer at Harvard on Nepalese-Navajo relations. His academic credentials form the backbone of many of the CSAA's claims as he is allowed to use the Harvard letterhead

6. Dr. John W. Bell: One of the founders of the CSAA, John Bell is often called “the brains of the CSAA”. Dr. Bell (yes that’s right he has a PhD) was born on December 7th, 1941. Dr. Bell graduated from the University of Kentucky in 1963 with a degree in American history. Next he enrolled in a PhD program at Oxford but was expelled due to allegations of cheating (to read his response to these claims, click here ). Dr. Bell then attended the University of Montana and in 1969 graduated with his PhD in the fast-growing field of conspiracy-theory history (to view an excerpt from his dissertation click here . After receiving his PhD, Dr. Bell applied for teaching positions at numerous elite universities, but all of them passed on the opportunity to snare one of America’s leading scholars. So, Dr. Bell entered the world of corporate management (as an assistant manager at the Wendy’s in his hometown). In 1973, Dr. Bell got his big break with the release of his self-published work, The World Will End on January 8, 1982 at 3:30 PM Eastern Standard Time . Dr. Bell spent the next four years traveling the country to promote his book(he sold about 5,300 copies). During that time, he gave hundreds of lectures and worked odd jobs when he couldn’t convince his followers to give him money. On January 8, 1982, Dr. Bell and literally 17 of his devoted followers gathered on the steps of the federal courthouse in Atlanta, Georgia to await the end of all things. At about 3:28, Dr. Bell who was well aware that his predictions were untrue slipped away from his followers and fled to Canada. Sure enough, the end of the world failed to come (although 3 of Dr. Bell’s followers were arrested for disorderly conduct). As a result, Dr. Bell spent the next 18 months in Canada where he supported himself by selling “plant-based substances”. Upon his return to the US, Dr. Bell joined with the other founders to create the CSAA and was selected as the first treasurer, a position he still holds. Since being made treasurer, Dr. Bell has not been gainfully employed although he lives comfortably and expensively. In his position as treasurer, Dr. Bell has also made some controversial decisions including his policy of not releasing his budgets to the rest of the board and storing CSAA funds in his personal bank account.

7. Jnyaneshwaran Singh: “JS” was added to the board in 2003 to fill the vacancy left by the death of Sir John Paul Getty. Due to concerns about multiculturalism and inclusiveness the board decided to recruit a member from outside of the United States. After several months of fruitless searching, Mufasa Lincoln rode in Mr. Singh’s taxicab in Bombay and got him to sign a form formally accepting the position (it is doubtful that Mr. Singh was aware what he was doing). So far as the board knows, Mr. Singh is still alive and capable of holding his chair.