Prologue to an Adventure
Girl: Ohhh...where IS that dagger??? I can't find it any...AHA! *Practically dives into a drawer and pulls out a crappy dagger* Here it is!
Psst...hey kid, I think there's someone playing the game...
Girl: *^^* Oh...uh...hi! Welcome to my house...It's getting a little boring just standing here, so could you move the control stick a little so I can walk? I'd like to leave the room since I've got my life savings of 1,000 Gil with me and this dagger, so move me to the door, oh-kay? Then press X to open it. Got that?
You are presented with a Yes/No option and choose "Yes." Then you move the girl to the door and open it...isn't this game fun??? Hey, don't look at me like that! On the other side of the door...is a Demon??? What the...
Demon: What you doing in my room?
Girl: What are you talking about this is MY house! I live here!
Demon: No me live here! You is very bad person...uh...what name of you again???
A little screen pops up where you can name your character. You decide to use the default name, Dashe.
Dashe: I'm Dashe, Master Thief of Yenro Village, and don't you forget it!
Demon: Whatever. You still bad. Me no like bad person who go into room of I!!! Now you die!
The screen gets all swirly and dramatic battle music plays as you go to the battle screen. You and the Demon are standing across from each other, ready to fight. You see a menu which contains the options to "Attack," "Use Skill," "Use Item," or "Defend."
Dashe: *Attacks*
Demon: *Blocks* Is that best you can do??? *Whacks Dashe on the head with club for 2 damage*
Dashe: *Attacks* CRITICAL HIT!!! *Demon goes down in a single blow.*
The ever-popular Final Fantasy victory fanfare plays as you receive 200 Gil, 10 EXP, and 30 AP for your troubles.
Dashe: *Sighs* Demons...they never know not to mess with someone who's carrying a dagger...come to think of it, I really shouldn't be that surprised...
You venture outside into the rustic, quaint Yenro Village, being careful not to step on the rotting Demon carcass and get guts on your shoes. You head to the Yenro Village Shop to go buy stuff with your earnings.
Generic RPG Shopkeeper: Welcome to my store. We have the finest selection in Yenro, you know...
Dashe: You say that every time I walk in here. When are you going to say anything different???
The Shopkeeper ignores you and you go to a screen where you can buy stuff. You get "Leather Armor," "Leather Gloves," and four more Potions, totaling up to 1,200 Gil. You equip everything and sell your "Cotton Shirt" for 100 Gil, and then leave the shop. You meet your friend Austin, a little boy with a stupid, townsperson-y grin on his face, and talk to him.
Dashe: Hi Austin!
Austin: Did you know that by walking up to a Save Point, you can save your game?
Dashe: Yes.
Austin: Did you know that by walking up to a Save Point, you can save your game?
Dashe: *Slaps forehead* I hate tutorial levels...
You walk past all the houses and find you other friend, a little boy named David. He too has a stupid, townsperson-y grin on his face. You press X to talk to him and engage in another pointless conversation...
David: Hey Dashe!
Dashe: Hi David.
David: You'll never guess where my fat sister, Lord Puff-N-Stuff is today!
Dashe: Shoot. I never did like guessing games.
David: SHOPPING!!! Which means NOT HERE!!! Which means YOU DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH HER BULLYING YOU FOR NOW!!!
Dashe: Great!!! ^-^
Well, unfortunately for you, just then, the ground begins to shake. Something big and fat appears over the horizon...it's Puff-N-Stuff!!! Is this some kind of dirty trick David's playing on you?
Dashe: David, is this some kind of dirty trick you're playing on me?
David: I...I didn't know, honest! She must be home early!!! *Runs away*
Dashe: W-wait for me!!!
You look around for a place to hide, but fail to find one.
Dashe: AHHHHHHHH!!! LORD PUFF-N-STUFF IS GONNA EAT ME!!! AND I DIDN'T EVEN GET A CHANCE TO SET OUT ON ANY ADVENTURES YET!!!
Puff-N-Stuff: Well, I COULD eat you, but I wanna play with that new Demon I bought a few minutes ago!!! Have you seen it?
You are presented with two responses: "What, you mean that Demon I destroyed earlier?" or "Gotta go--bye!!!" You select the first choice.
Puff-N-Stuff: WHAAAAAT????? YOU KILLED IT???? THAT'S IT, YOU'RE DEAD!!!!
You go to another battle screen.
Dashe: *Attacks*
Puff-N-Stuff: *The attack is absorbed into her many layers of flab* You think a puny lil' DAGGER'S enough to hurt lil' ole me??? *Charges at Dashe, jumps, and squashes her, causing 15 damage*
Dashe: *Uses a Potion and heals all the damage she received*
Puff-N-Stuff: *Executes the same attack, this time dealing 16 damage*
Dashe: *Attacks, this time only getting in a mere 3 damage*
Puff-N-Stuff: You're so puny! What do you weigh, like 70 pounds or something??? Haha! *Begins to charge up an attack*
Dashe: *Uses a potion, preparing for the worst*
Puff-N-Stuff: *Executes her charged-up "Flatten" attack for a whopping 60 damage. Dashe is instantly K-Oed* Hahahahahahaaaaa!!! That'll teach you not to mess with ME!!!
The screen blacks out...
