She wants to get a tattoo on the back of her neck.
So she can feel the needle stabbing at a sensitive spot on her body.
So she has something to compare to the broken heart she's going to give her. So she can feel the blood trickle down her back and feel alive, the way she used to feel when she was there in her arms. Alive like the tears that stung her eyes when she told that joke about the polar bear that wasn't really funny but was because of the way her nose wiggled when she told it.
Nothing compares to her. She thought out loud.
Pink looks around the room to find that she was alone with her thoughts.
Alone not alive.
She picks up the cracked picture frame that housed an old picture of her and Carey. She doesn�t know why she kept it. They had broken up a long time ago. She runs her thumb over her smiling face, more like smirking face. She closes her eyes to let out a slow breath. She puts the frame in a nearby plastic waste basket. She raises from the bed and made her way down to the photo shot. Her assistant ,Laura, and bodyguard followed her. She unlocked the car door and sat in the driver�s seat. The radio blasted one of Britney�s songs through the SUV. She smiled then put in a CD of the tracks she had been working on in the studio. Laura nodded her head to the slow beat of the sad love song.
She wants to get a tattoo of the look on her face when she tells her it�s over.
The fading twinkle in her brown eyes and her famous pout turn into a frown. The way her nose hitched a bit and her pretty face turned from confusion to hurt. She remembers the whispered words of �I thought we were doing so well.� She doesn�t answer her. She just walks away from the pretty girl with tears streaming down her face. Britney wipes her tears away and watches the feisty woman she loves take pictures that will never make the cover. She walks back to the photographer almost tripping over her own feet though she has worn shoes like these thousands of times before. She poses as something she�s not:
Happy.
Bubbly.
Secure.
Alive.
She wipes the sweat from her eyes, being fake can be so exhausting. She smiles and makes her way to the craft�s service table. She picks up a bagel with strawberry cream cheese. She knows her trainer would disapprove of her selection so she takes a bite. She sits on the black folded chair beside the table and takes in the warehouse. It looks like the �Tearing Up My Heart� video. The windows are covered with a thin film that barely lets in light. The frames are a dull blue and she can barely see the edges. She removes the piece of hair blocking her view. Her eyes lock on the image of Pink wearing a shirt that shows a little bit of her tummy. She giggles as she watches the firm jelly bounce. She remembers the way her tongue felt every muscle quiver and scream for more of her delight. She lowers her eyes when she realizes that won�t happen anymore.
Her breath comes in quick and short. Her lungs fill with memories. She exhales the crisp autumn air, soulful kisses, smell of menthol and peroxide from her heart. She can hear the rain beating on the window pain and she thinks it might as well be drowning her. But, she will not let the rain defeat her and she will definitely not become her own worst enemy. She doesn�t want to let go, not yet any way. She raises from her chair and walks to the spiky haired beauty with a color for a name. She presses her lips against hers as the camera flashed. Britney smirks when she pulls away. So much for not making the cover.
She wants to get a tattoo of the look on her face when the camera flashed.
It was beyond priceless. Pink stands frozen, for the first time in her life she is left absolutely speechless. Britney stares deep into her eyes, waits for something other than a blank stare. She would say something but she�s already said it. The kiss was everything she is:
Angry.
Confused.
Passionate.
Compassion.
Love.
Lust.
Lost.
Precious.
Soulful.
Completely Incomplete.
Searching.
Pink blinks and finds herself searching for the right thought to make her body move. Nothing works. Sounds blur all around her but she can only hear the sound of her heart thumping against her breast bone. Her hand moves. Finally, a sign of life. She wrapped her hand around Britney�s neck then pulled her head close.
�Don�t you ever do that again,� she paused then smiled �always let me start first.� She pressed her lips against hers passionately, deeply.
Photographers took full advantage of the snogging celebrities. This was going to be world news, and entertainment headlines, maybe even front page news. They�d make a pretty penny. They could just see the headlines now: �Britney and Pink lesbian lovers! Details, page 6.�
�Told you, she was queer.� a high-pitched voice said while he stuck his hand out. A crinkled 20 dollar bill was placed into it. �Justin was just a front.� he continued.
Britney wrapped her petite arms around Pink�s hips. They parted, turned to look at the camera�s around them. Britney�s mouth dropped when she saw the camera lens staring at her like the barrel of a gun just ready to shoot. Pink grabbed her hand and ran as fast as could to the middle of nowhere.
She wants to get a tattoo that says smoke death like a cigarette.
The gray ambers burn down to the filter. Pink takes a drag then passed it to Britney.
�So what�d your momma say when she saw the picture?�
Britney let the smoke disperse through the air while she got her thoughts together. Her mother didn�t say anything. Matter of fact, she hasn�t said anything to her since she saw the picture.
�She didn�t say anything. She just looked at me for an explanation,� She sighs. �I honestly didn�t have anything to say to her, not anything she�d wanna hear. I�m tired of the lies and the fakeness with her. It�s about time she knew, I�m not her perfect little angel. That�s Jamie Lynn.� She snorts. �The woman even told me to go back to the church to save my soul from this abomination. I don�t need no body trying to make me over.�
Pink wraps her arm around her then chuckles. �You sound like Christina.�
Britney smiles at the remembrance of her rebellious friend and former lover. She flicks the ashes onto the concrete then takes another drag. She nods towards Pink.
�How�d your mom take it?�
�Very well for someone who really knew.�
�You told her?�
�No, she just figured it out. I swear she�s got Spidey Sense or some shit.� Pink reaches out for the cigarette. �My daddy took it well, too. I expected them to be cool with it though.� She says holding the thin cylinder between her fingers. She purses it between her lips then lets out a steady stream of air into the night sky.
�What I wasn�t excepting was Carey. He call�d me at five o�clock in the morning the day after the �scandal� broke.� She says using the air quotes.
Britney giggles. �Justin called me, too. He wanted to know if he could watch us fuck sometime.� She shakes her head. �Will that boy ever grow up?� Pink gives her a skeptical look. �Anyway, Carey called to say that he understood why our relationship didn�t work out no matter how hard we tried to make it. Then he hung up.�
Britney sighs. �I just wish she understood.� Pink moves closer to her.
�It�ll be alright.� The young blonde rested her head on her shoulder. Pink kisses her forehead.
She wants to get a tattoo that smells like morning coffee, crisp autumn air, soulful kisses, menthol and peroxide.
She hasn�t read the article until now. It isn�t half-bad considering the unidentified source. The only shocker was that it is on page 3, not six. The photos were Extra�s Cover Story for two months straight. She laughs at the word straight. She�s definitely not now but maybe she was in a past life. The story is plausible and worst yet true.
That�s what scared her record company the most. At first, they were pissed off and wanted to fire her then they thought she might try to sue their asses for discrimination or worst yet the past due royalty checks. They definitely didn�t want that. What they wanted was a way of dealing with her new found exposure so they released some �unreleased� tracks for her new lesbian fan base.
Britney takes a sip of her morning coffee while running her finger over the picture of Pink and her kissing. Her fingertips linger over the pale pink lips of her lover. She thinks about how they got this way.
It was autumn. They were both wearing sunglasses and baseball caps to conceal their identities. She was at the counter asking the clerk for menthol cigarettes along with a cute green lighter. Britney was behind her with cookies, a cheap romance novel, Noxzema, and a magazine with Madonna on the cover.
She was alone at 2 am in the morning.
No one was going to bother her.
Britney recognized her husky voice when she told the clerk she left her ID in her other pants. The clerk hesitated a moment before he gave her the desired pack. She paid for it then proceeded to remove the shrink wrap and take a cigarette out. She flicked the lighter then moved aside. The spark come and then went out. Britney moved up and dumped her merchandise in her hand on the counter. Pink walked out of the store. Britney paid for her stuff then walked outside, too.
�Hey, you need help with that.� she heard her say.
�No, I�m fine.� Britney answered.
Britney heard leaves crunch beside her then she looked up to see Pink walking with her in the dark of night. They started talking and found out they were both staying at the same hotel. When they got there, Pink invited her into her room. Britney declined saying it was late and she needed to go to bed. Alecia, as she wanted to be called, suggested that she sleep with her in �the very platonic sense of the word.� Britney sensed her sincerity. She had known her to never lie unlike herself. That was what she admired about her. Britney walked into her hotel room then called Rob to tell him where she was. She didn�t want anyone to think she was kidnapped. Then they slept in just the way she promised. The dawn began to break when Britney slowly woke up. She had to get back to her hotel room because she didn�t want to get caught like she is now. She grabbed her bag and left a note with her cell phone number on it before she left for her own room. Pink called her and they had become easy friends despite their differences. Actually, they were more alike than they thought. Britney and Alecia both had a strong sense of values placing family above everything else in their lives including themselves. They would talk constantly about their brothers and mothers.
�Momma.� Britney pushes away the thought before she starts to cry again. Their friendship soon turned into a romantic relationship that was filled with more up and downs than a roller coaster ride. With all that was going on, most would probably think that this is a down but it was the highest Britney had ever been in her 24 years on earth. She felt everything she thought she wasn�t:
Happy.
Bubbly.
Secure.
Alive.
Ripe.
�B.� she hears.
�Yeah.�
�Call your mother.�
Britney turns around to look at the woman with a color for a name.
�I told you she�s not talking to me.� Britney says as she got up to put her cup in the sink.
Pink puts her hand out to stop her.
�Listen baby, just because she�s not talking to you doesn�t mean you shouldn�t talk to her and I�m tired of seeing you like this. You�re all frumpy and moody. Plus, our sex isn�t half as good as it used to be.�
Britney licked her lips. Alecia kisses her.
�Do it for me.� Britney closes her eyes and exhales a breath she didn�t know she was holding in. She reaches for the phone Pink has in her head.
The phone is already ringing when she places the headpiece to her ear. She bites her bottom lip.
�Hello.�
�Hey, momma.� Britney says closing her eyes with her hand near the off button.
�Hey, baby.� She says warmly.
Britney smiles.
�I�m sorry I overreacted. It�s just that I wasn�t expecting this. I always thought you and Justin�� Her voice trails off.
�Listen, I gotta go.� Britney says to avoid hearing that story again.
�Hold on, um I was just wondering if you and Alecia would be able to come over for dinner or something.�
�Yeah, sure.� Lynn can hear her smiling.
�Call me with a good time and date for ya�ll.�
�I will. Momma, sorry to cut you short but I really got to go.�
�I love you.�
�I love you, too.�
She clicks the off button.
�She wants to have us over for dinner.� She says brimming with excitement.
They giggle like school girls.
�So are you ready?�
�For what?�
�To get a new tattoo.�
�Nah, I already got one right here.� She says pointing to center of her chest.
too soon for the broken arm. Ripeness begins corrupting every tree.-Teddy Barrigan