My Low Carb Journey
But recently, some before and after photos made me understand the story that the day-to-day me never saw. They brought a strong realization of how far I've come by following the Atkins Diet. They helped me take stock in the value of the work I've put into this and the progress I've made. Sometimes I still cringe to think that had I seen that "before" photo eighteen months before, it might of made an awful difference in the outcome of this story.
I first heard of the Atkins Diet from my friend Karen. She and her husband were on it and they were losing a lot of weight. So I decided to give it a try. Faithfully, I read the book, but found myself wanting for food choices. I used an online search page to look for lowcarb products and recipes. I found those, but I also found something far more valuable than lowcarb cookies and new ways to spice up a chicken breast.
Lowcarbfriends.com quickly became the center point of my lowcarb support. For four years, I've turned here for tips, recipes, advice, and friendship. In that first year I lost a whopping 80 pounds! Even when you imagine how proud I must have been, you cannot imagine how proud of myself I truly was. I maintained that 80-pound loss for months. But those months slowly turned into months of wondering when my weight loss journey might be complete. Eventually, it seemed like 80 pounds was all I was ever going to be able to lose.
It turned out that serious illness was the culprit. No, none of the urban legends about lowcarb dieting turned out to be true. Instead, bronchitis, pneumonia, gallbladder attacks, allergies and more were taking an ever-increasing toll on my health. Before I knew it, I was on so many medications that my weight started creeping back up. It didn't take long before I had gained most of the weight back. I fell into a deep depression. I turned into a hermit in my own home. I even stopped going to my support lifeline, Lowcarbfriends. Most of my friends never knew that thoughts of suicide even started to enter my mind.
My turnaround came late one chilly night, far past midnight; past the point of reason, when I was nearly as likely to have gone another direction. Sitting there in the living room, seeing myself, seeing my efforts that had gone so far but been crushed by something so out of my control. I had my eye on a bottle of Darvaset, thinking, "I will just drift off to sleep and the pain will go away."
The trance of that enticing escape was broken by the sleepy footsteps of my 9-year-old son, who wandered into the room looking for his mother. "Mommy, will you lay down with me? I can't sleep!" I realized right then that I could never think of what I had been thinking, ever again!
So I resolved that this would be the year that I will take care of ME. At first, I felt like it was selfish, but I soon came to understand that by taking care of myself, I WAS taking care of the people I love. I was not a happy person and it showed. My friends could sense it. My kids could sense it. It was time to turn that around.
I worked with my doctor to determine what I needed to do to get off my medications. I also needed gallbladder surgery to help me get off the pain medications. As I healed, I was able to discontinue the medications that had kept me from getting into ketosis and losing weight.
In November 2003, less than a month after my surgery, I eagerly returned to Lowcarbfriends.com, re-inducted, and started fresh. I was experiencing some weight loss success, but somehow the sense of accomplishment I felt the first time just wasn't there. Still, I wanted to support others on their weight loss journeys. So despite being rather shy and not very happy with my progress, I packed up and traveled to the annual Lowcarbfriends Pig Roast. There, amid the fun and friends, the laughter and the success stories, someone snapped one of the most important photographs of my life. I just didn't know it at the time.
I came home from seeing all those amazing successes, wondering why I wasn't one of them. All of that effort. All of that dedication. Yet still I felt down. I wanted to feel the elation I felt that first time, when my lowcarb efforts had been so richly rewarded. One of my good friends broke the spell. She told me to put some "before" pictures with one of the "after" pictures from the gathering. As circumstance would have it, I had discovered an old roll of film that contained some photos of me at my absolute heaviest. I had the roll developed and compared the old me to the new me.
I was flabbergasted.
Sometimes we get so caught up in our lives that we no longer see the self we're living in. We see ourselves every day, but we never SEE ourselves. I knew I was losing weight, but I never understood how far I had come. I cannot' describe the feeling of accomplishment I felt.
To date I have lost 90 pounds. Though I am not at goal, I know I will get there. The pictures I have put together will keep me going until I get there. I can SEE myself now. I'm proud of how far I've come, and of the dedication that got me here. To my friends who comprise the center point of my lowcarb support, I say, "Thank you." Your support and friendship mean the world to me!
