(WENDY is standing outside a

crack house with an imaginary tour)

WENDY

Hi, I’ll be your tour guide tonight, of Joe’s crack house, a few disclaimers before we begin.  Please do not attempt to touch the crack hoes, they do bite, and their pimps are close by.  Secondly, no flash photography when we reach the crack heads, as light frightens them and sends them into extreme shock, and sometimes they attack when this shock initially occurs.  Thirdly, if you end up soliciting a crack hoe please be weary of any possessions you may have when you go in with them.  Any items lost are subject to a $50 finder’s fee.  Now lets begin, so we’re walking, we’re walking, and here we have our first photo opportunity, the crack hoes, please pay the man in the flashy yellow suit $5 for a photo with the crack hoes, $10 for a BJ, and $20 for an hour and $200 for the incriminating video souvenir.  Ok, now we’re walking, and we’re walking, and here we have America’s number one Asian pimp Mr. Saki.  Mr. Saki is currently pimping approximately 10 and a half hoes, each has been with such established celebrities as Cory Haim, Cory Fieldman, Woody Allen, and Kevin Smith.  If anyone would like to inquire about Mr. Saki’s services please go to the end of hall, and he will be with you momentarily.  Ok, the rest of us are walking and we’re walking, and here we have the crack heads, this here is crack head Bob, he’s been a crack head for 12 somewhat years, and has been pronounced dead about four times this past year.  Ok, now we’re walking and we’re walking so Say bye to Bob everyone, ok I would like to take this time now to remind you that flash photography is no longer permitted for your safety and that of our crack heads.  And we’re walking and we’re walking, and if you look to your left you’ll see some more of our resident crack heads, feel free to nudge and kick them, but I must insist no flash photography, this is for your own safety, and we’re walking and we’re walking, and if you please line up single file and walk through this door, please have your personal belongings at hand and hand them to the gentlemen outside, and please don’t mind the semi automatic weapons, they won’t shoot unless you resist.  Thank you and I hope to see you again, remember next week we’ll be visiting Jackie’s house of sodomy.