Written by Angel

Disclaimer: All characters are properties of MCA, Renaissance Pictures and others.

This is a short story on Gabrielle’s thoughts on her daughter Hope.

Gabrielle watched as Xena and Eve walked into camp laughing. Both women were carrying a bundle of fishes. They were shoving each other while arguing over whom had caught the bigger fish.

Xena tossed her bundle in front of Gabrielle, "come on Gabs, be honest, didn’t I catch the bigger fish?"

Not to be out done, Eve did the same and after dropping the fishes down, "don’t you dare cheat for mom. Take a good look, and I bet you’ll find I’m the one who caught the biggest fish."

Gabrielle took a cursory glance at the two bundles of fishes and smiled at the two, "I think it’s a tie." She randomly picked up a couple of the fishes from each stack, "would you guys like these for dinner?"

"Let us make dinner for you tonight." Eve took the fishes from Gabrielle, "after all, you’ve been doing most of the cooking, mom and I should do our share too. You don’t have to do a thing tonight. Mom and I will serve you."

"That’s so sweet of you Eve, but you know I don’t cook." Xena grimaced.

"Well I do, and I can show you how." Eve laughed and dangled the fishes in front of Xena, "you can learn a few things from your dear old daughter."

Gabrielle stood up and smiled, "well, thanks Eve. In that case, I think I’ll go take a walk down the river." She pointed to the bucket by the camp; "I filled that up with water earlier. You might need it just in case Xena starts a forest fire." She walked off with Eve’s laughter ringing out loudly in the clearing.

Gabrielle continued down the river without a destination. She walked far enough to know that she is no longer within sight of the camp. She sat down by the river and started to toss pebbles into the water. The action did not help her mood any; finally she dropped the pebbles back on the bank and lay down staring up at the sky.

The sun had set but Gabrielle was still staring up at the sky. She had lost track of the time and even the purpose of her being there. Finally it was the voice of Eve that woke her out of her reverie.

"Gabrielle, what are you doing? Dinner is all already. If you don’t come now, it will all be ruined." Eve frowned at her.

"Actually I’m not very hungry tonight. I know you and Xena went to a lot of trouble, but would you mind if I pass on dinner?" Gabrielle looked up at Eve and brought herself back to her current surroundings.

"You are not hungry?" Eve teasingly put a hand on her forehead; "you’re not feeling sick, are you?"

"No." Gabrielle gently pushed her hand away; "I just wanted sometime alone tonight. Why don’t you go back and have dinner with your mom?"

Eve took no notice and instead sat herself down beside Gabby, "what’s really the matter?"

"Nothing. I just need some alone time that’s all."

"It’s more than that isn’t it?" Eve pulled her knees up and put her chin on them. "I know you’ve been having a hard time lately. I just wish I knew what it was. Why won’t you tell me?"

"Eve, it’s not that simple…"

"Then make it simple. You know you can tell me anything." At the closed look on Gabrielle’s face, she quickly continued, "if you don’t want mom to know, I promise I will not tell her."

Gabrielle stared at Eve for a long time and finally said softly, "sometimes when I see how close you and your mom are together, it reminds me of my own daughter."

"Hope?"

"Yes." Gabrielle lowered her head. "My evil daughter Hope."

"And the fact that I was evil also…oh Gabrielle, you must hate me." Eve looked at Gabrielle with an ashen look on her face.

"No, don’t ever think that. I don’t hate you. I love you like you are my own daughter. It’s just that I guess I’m jealous of what you and your mom share. I keep seeing Hope in my mind, when she was a baby, how I loved her then. When she was a child, I could never have believed that she could have been so evil. And when she was an adult, she was my exact lookalike. I ended up killing her, not once, not twice, but three times. Do you know how hard that was for me?"

Eve could hear the tears in her voice and pulled her into her arms, "I’m so sorry Gabrielle. I know having me here is making things ten times worse for you."

"No Eve. It’s not you. It’s me and my unresolved feelings over Hope. I need to learn to let go, but I haven’t been able to do so. I kept telling myself that if only I have made an effort to be a real mom to her, then maybe she would have turned out different."

"Do you really think so?" Xena’s voice cut in and Gabrielle immediately pulled away from Eve.

"Xena, I…"

"I know Gabrielle." Xena sat down and looked solemnly at her friend. "I know it was hard on you, just as hard as it was on me when I lost Solon."

Gabrielle dropped her head at the mention of Solon while Eve jumped in, "that’s not Gabby’s fault mom."

"I wasn’t blaming her, but I am saying that I have put that part of my life behind me, and Gabrielle must learn to do the same."

"You didn’t kill your child Xena. There is a difference." Gabrielle said softly.

"But by killing your child, you’ve helped to save the world. How could you not see that?" Xena said testily.

"Stop it mom!" Eve cut in. "Don’t you remember the mess I was in? Yet you couldn’t kill me even when I was at my worst."

"There’s a difference between you and Hope. I knew I could have helped you to find the way, but Hope was born demonic. There was nothing that Gabrielle could have done to save her." Xena said harshly, "and I’m not going to help her delude herself into thinking otherwise."

"I miss her!" Gabrielle said with feeling. "I miss her. Everyday I think of her, every night I pray for her soul, every waking moment I long to hear her call me mom. Whatever she was to you, to the world, she was still my daughter, and I killed her." She finished as tears ran down her face.

"Gabrielle, don’t you get it? Hope did not have a heart. How could someone like you have a daughter like her? She was a demon reincarnated; she was not your daughter."

Gabrielle shook her head and looked at Xena through tear-stained eyes "She asked me to be her mother, did I ever tell you that? She was asking me for help, asking me to love her, and I just pushed her away."

"No Gabrielle, how could you even think that?" Xena looked at Gabrielle as if she were going out of her mind. "She was just trying to suck you in. She wasn’t asking for your help; she was trying to tap into your dark side. And if you start doubting yourself now, then Hope and Dahok won."

"Come on Gabby, mom is right you know. I know you miss her and all, but you can’t blame yourself for any of it, especially her death. You have to remember that Hope’s destiny was to destroy the world. You help saved it."

"I helped to save the world by killing my own daughter? That’s not much comfort right now."

"You are not the person that you are if you don’t grieve for her." Xena pulled Gabby into her arm and told her clearly, "but knowing you as I do, I also know that deep down you know you’ve done the right thing, the only possible thing to do. Be honest with yourself Gabrielle, do you think for one moment that you could have lived with yourself had you let Hope lived and thus bringing Dahok into the world?"

Gabrielle sat silent for a long time but finally shook her head. "I guest watching you two together, the closeness that you share, made me realize what I’m missing. There are many things in my life that I would have done differently, but I know you are right Xena."

Without another word, Xena just hold on to her friend and brushed away the last of her tears.

"Come on, let’s go back to camp." Eve smiled tentatively and was rewarded by a returning smile. "You won’t believe the mess that mom made with the fish…"

The End