| 2*22*04 written for chris |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
i'm so scared
to feel again
to open myself up
please don't hurt me
please
please
please
i'm sick of being hurt
of being alone
of being here
i'm terrified that once you see me you'll turn and run
that you'll think i'm ugly or unattractive
that's my greatest fear
that i'll never find someone to love me for me
to love every little quirk about me
to love my clumsiness
to love my fascination with religion
to love that i can't have two different foods touching on my plate
to love how i have to cut my eggs into itty bitty pieces before i can eat them
to love that i hate eating at restaurants in the daytime
to love me even though i'm an ex-self-mutilator
to love me NO MATTER WHAT
with you i feel in my heart something i haven't felt in a long time
and it terrifies me
i hold back and refuse to open up
every guy i've ever had in my life has brought nothing but pain
hurt me
broken my heart and never bothered to put back the pieces
all i want is to be happy
but i'm terrified of what i want
how is that supposed to work
maybe i should just call it off now and save us both the pain
but then i'll never know
damn this confusion!
so much deja vu from my last love
good thing?
or bad? |
|