Computer Jokes

Computer Definitions

Programmers: Computer avengers. Once members of that group of high school nerds who wore tape on their glasses, played Dungeons and Dragons, and memorized Star Trek episodes; now millionaires who create "user-friendly" software to get even with the rest of us.
User-friendly: Of or pertaining to any feature, device or concept that makes perfect sense to a programmer, but not another soul in the world as we know it.
Users: Collective term for those who stare vacantly at a monitor. Users are divided into three types: novice, intermediate and expert.
Novice Users: People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.
Intermediate Users: People who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it.
Expert Users: People who break other people's computers.

Dr. Seuss Explains the Computer

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
and the macrocode instructions cause unnecessary risk,
then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!